Alice's Army Nurse

Alice's Army Nurse

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Name: Linda "Helping Hand" Near
Age: 69
Suit: Heart

There are three types of nurses in the world, or at least in the world of popular entertainment. First is the Buxom Blonde, or the Helloooo Nurse!, easily recognized by straining of her uniform about the sternum area. While her company is pleasant, her nursing skills usually end at applying a band-aid with a sympathetic pout. The second type is the Stern Sadist, or Wretched Ratched, a hatchet-faced woman with her hair coiled in a steel-gray bun. While she's a better nurse than the first, her company is never pleasant.

Thankfully, Linda Near is of the third type, the Grandmotherly Nurturer. She can birth a baby and set a bone, all while catching you up on the gossip of the day and providing sage advice on your personal problems. Linda's nurse's training only has two weak points: 1) she still believes in castor oil as a cure for anything (even severed limbs) and 2) she insists you eat a piece of ribbon candy after every visit.

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