Man, putting the word 'root' in front of something always makes it less great. I mean, a canal is a lovely place for a romantic gondola ride--a root canal, not so much. A cellar could contain wine or hidden treasure--unless it's a stupid root cellar. So it's no surprise that root beer doesn't quite match the giddy heights achieved by the best beers.

I mean, it doesn't even have booze in it. Can you legally call something beer without any alcohol in it? You can? See, that's what's wrong with the Kingdom these days.