In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 2,199 short.

• "DEBBIE" tattoo kit
• "Humorous" T-shirt
• "honey" dipper
• 'WILL WORK FOR BOOZE' sign
• 1 Meat
• 1.21 jigawatts
• 100-Watt bulb
• 17-ball
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• 4-d camera
• 64067 scroll
• 7-Foot Dwarven mattock
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 2
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6
• A Guide to Burning Leaves
• A Guide to Safari
• A. W. O. L. commendation
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer bobblehead
• Adventurer's Kit
• Agent Mauve
• Aggressive Carrot
• Alice's Army Foil Bowman
• Alice's Army Foil Cleric
• Alice's Army Foil Coward
• Alice's Army Foil Dervish
• Alice's Army Foil Hammerman
• Alice's Army Foil Horseman
• Alice's Army Foil Lanceman
• Alice's Army Foil Martyr
• Alice's Army Foil Sniper
• Alice's Army Foil tattoo
• Alice's Army booster box
• Amoon-Ra Cowtep's nemes
• Angry Farmer's Wife Candy
• Anniversary Miniature Sword & Martini Guy
• Annual Ascot
• Antagonistic Snowman Kit
• Apathargic Bandersnatch
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Ass-Stompers of Violence
• Ax of L'rose
• BGE merchandise order form
• BRICKO vacuum cleaner
• Bag o' Tricks
• Banfoy's Boutique Order Form
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Bastille Battalion control rig crate
• Bastille Battalion tattoo kit
• Batfellow comic
• Beach Buck
• Beach Comb
• Beach Comb Box
• Bee's Knees
• Belt of Loathing
• Benetton's Medley of Diversity
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Big Candy's tophat
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Black Bart's Booty
• Black Hole
• Black and White Apron Enrollment Form
• Black and White Apron Meal Kit
• Bodacious MechaElf Hunter Saga:Relay Wolf
• Boozehounds Anonymous token
• Boris's Helm
• Boris's Helm (askew)
• Bowl of Infinite Jelly
• Boxing Day care package
• Brand of Violence
• Breathetastic™ Premium Canned Air
• Brimstone Beret
• Brimstone Bludgeon
• Brimstone Boxers
• Brimstone Bracelet
• Brimstone Brooch
• Brimstone Bunker
• Brogre brolo shirt
• Brogre brorts
• Brogre bucket hat
• Buddy Bjorn
• Bugfinder Blade
• Bulky Buddy Box
• C.B.F.G.
• CRIMBCO lanyard
• CRIMBCO mug
• CRIMBCO scrip
• CRIMBCO wine
• CSA fire-starting kit
• Cajun accordion
• Camp Scout backpack
• Camp Scout pup tent
• Can of Spaghetto
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Caveman Dan's favorite rock
• Cement Mixer
• Chateau Mantegna room key
• Cheshire Bitten
• Chester's Aquarius medallion
• Chester's bag of candy
• Chester's cutoffs
• Chester's moustache
• Chester's muscle shirt
• Chester's sunglasses
• ChibiBuddy™ (off)
• ChibiBuddy™ (on)
• Children's Meal of the Damned
• Chorale of Companionship
• Chroner cross
• Chroner trigger
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge invitation
• Clan VIP Lounge key
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan pool table
• Clan shower
• Clan speakeasy
• Clara's bell
• Cloaca-Cola
• Cloaca-Cola knapsack
• Coily™
• Cold Fang
• Cold One
• Cold Stone of Hatred
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Conspiracy™ mascara
• Cosmic Calorie
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Covers-Your-Head
• Crimbo Elf creepy bobble-head
• Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
• Crimbo bottomless hot cocoa mug
• Crimbo hat
• Crimbo light-up Rudolph doll
• Crimbo pants
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo sapling
• Crimbo stocking
• Crimbo stogie-scented room odorizer
• Crimbo sword
• Crimbo training manual
• Crimbo tree flocker
• Crimbo ukulele
• Crimbo wreath
• Crimbomination Contraption
• Crimbot schematic: Data Analyzer
• Crimbot schematic: Ribbon Manipulator
• Crimbough
• Crown of Thrones
• Daisy's unclean bloomers
• Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Dark Jill-of-All-Trades
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Deactivated MiniMechaElf
• Deactivated O. A. F.
• Deck of Every Card
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Dickory Farms Gift Basket
• Dinsey tattoo kit
• Dinsey's pants
• Dinsey's radar dish
• Disco Banjo
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Discount Telescope Warehouse gift certificate
• Distant Woods Getaway Brochure
• Doc Galaktik's Invigorating Tonic
• Doll Moll violin case
• Dolph Bossin's charity note
• Dreadsylvanian clockwork key
• Dreadsylvanian seed pod
• Drunkula's bell
• Drunkula's silky pants
• Drunkula's wineglass
• Dyspepsi-Cola knapsack
• Dyspepsi-Cola-issue canteen
• Ecto-Cooler
• Ed the Undying exhibit crate
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• El Vibrato energy spear
• El Vibrato helmet
• El Vibrato leg guards
• El Vibrato punchcard (104 holes)
• El Vibrato restraints
• El Vibrato trapezoid
• Eldritch Intellect: Journey into a Mind of Horror
• Elf Guard commandeering gloves
• Elf Guard temporary (permanent) tattoo
• Elron's Explosive Etude
• Elvish sunglasses
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Essence of Annoyance
• Essence of Bear
• FDKOL commendation
• FDKOL tattoo
• Familiar-Gro™ Terrarium
• Fancy Jeff's fancy pocket square
• FantasyRealm membership packet
• FantasyRealm tattoo kit
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• First Post shirt package
• Flivver
• Fly-By-Knight Heraldry form
• Folder Holder
• Former Sheriff Dan's tin star
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• French slippers
• Frosty's arm
• Frosty's carrot
• Frosty's iceball
• Frosty's nailbat
• Frosty's old silk hat
• Frosty's snowball sack
• Fudgie Roll
• Fuzzy Slippers of Hatred
• Gabarbar
• Game Grid ticket
• Game Grid token
• GameInformPowerDailyPro subscription card
• Garland of Greatness
• General Assembly Module
• Girdle of Hatred
• Glenn's golden dice
• God Lobster Egg
• Goggles of Loathing
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Accessory
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Gordon Beer's Beer Garden Catalog
• Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun
• Grateful Undead T-shirt
• Gratitude chocolate (Meat-filled)
• Gratitude chocolate (bourbon-filled)
• Gratitude chocolate (octopus-filled)
• Gratitude chocolate (thyme-filled)
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire
• Great S-Cape
• Great Wolf's beastly trousers
• Great Wolf's headband
• Great Wolf's lice
• Great Wolf's right paw
• Greatest American Pants
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite Bock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite garter
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Grumpy Bumpkin's Pumpkin Seed Catalog
• Gummi-Memory
• Guzzlr application
• Gygaxian Libram
• HOA citation pad
• HOA regulation book
• HOA zombie eyes
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• History's Most Offensive Jokes, Vol. IX
• Hjodor's Guide to Arctic Dalmatians
• Hjodor's Guide to Arctic Dalmatians (used)
• Hodgman's almanac
• Hodgman's bow tie
• Hodgman's cane
• Hodgman's disgusting technicolor overcoat
• Hodgman's garbage sticker
• Hodgman's harmonica
• Hodgman's imaginary hamster
• Hodgman's journal #1: The Lean Times
• Hodgman's journal #2: Entrepreneurythmics
• Hodgman's journal #3: Pumping Tin
• Hodgman's journal #4: View From The Big Top
• Hodgman's lobsterskin pants
• Hodgman's lucky sock
• Hodgman's metal detector
• Hodgman's porkpie hat
• Hodgman's varcolac paw
• Hodgman's whackin' stick
• Holiday Hal's Happy-Time Fun Book!
• Hollandaise helmet
• Horsery contract
• Hot Socks
• How to Hold a Grudge
• How to Tolerate Jerks
• Huggler Radio
• Humpty Dumplings
• Hundred Headed IPA
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Instant Karma
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Jackass Plumber home game
• January's Garbage Tote
• January's Garbage Tote (unopened)
• Jarlsberg's pan (Cosmic portal mode)
• Jarlsberg's vegetable soup
• Jeans of Loathing
• Jekyllin hide belt
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• Jodhpurs of Violence
• June cleaver
• Junior Adventurer's kit
• Junior Adventurer's merit badge
• Junior LAAAAME merit badge
• Jurassic Parka
• Kiss the Knob apron
• Knob Göblin lòve potion
• Knob sausage stir-fry
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 13 snowglobe
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• KoLHS Pep Squad Box
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• LARP carp
• LT&T tattoo kit
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• LWA ring
• LavaCo™ Lamp housing
• Law of Averages
• Lazenby's Life Lesson
• Leapin' Trousers
• Left-Hand Man action figure
• Lens of Hatred
• Lens of Violence
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Candy Heart Summoning
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Love Songs
• Libram of Pulled Taffy
• Libram of Resolutions
• License To Kill
• License to Chill
• Living to Drink, Drinking to Live
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion can opener
• Loathing Legion chainsaw
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion hammer
• Loathing Legion helicopter
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion knife
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lord Flameface's cloak
• Lucky Lindy
• Lump-Stacking for Beginners
• MAHI fez
• Mae West with a fly in it
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit
• Manual of Numberology
• Map to Kokomo
• March hat
• Martialest Arts trophy
• Marvelous Unitard
• Maxing, Relaxing
• MayDay™ contract
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayflower bouquet
• Mayo de Mayo™ mayo
• Mayodiol
• Mayoflex
• Mayonex
• Mayor Ghost's gavel
• Mayor Ghost's sash
• Mayor Ghost's toupee
• Mayostat
• Mayozapine
• McHugeLarge deluxe ski set
• McHugeLarge duffel bag
• McMillicancuddy's Special Lager
• McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning
• Meat detector
• Memories of Beanslinging
• Memories of Cow Punching
• Memories of Snake Oiling
• Mer-kin darkbook
• Mer-kin dodgeball
• Mer-kin dragnet
• Mer-kin facecowl
• Mer-kin gladiator mask
• Mer-kin gladiator tailpiece
• Mer-kin headguard
• Mer-kin scholar mask
• Mer-kin scholar tailpiece
• Mer-kin switchblade
• Mer-kin thighguard
• Mer-kin waistrope
• Merc Core challenge coin
• Merc Core deployment orders
• Meteoid ice beam
• Mini-Crimbot crate
• Mint Salton Pepper's Peppermint Seed Catalog
• Miserable Pie
• Mixed Garbanzos and Chickpeas
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Moping Artistic Goth Kid
• Mr. Accessory
• Mr. Accessory Jr.
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Eh?
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Shirt
• Ms. Accessory
• Mt. McLargeHuge oyster
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• Mu
• Murderer's Punch
• Murgatroyd diode
• My Life of Crime, a Memoir
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• N. O. Beer
• Nardz energy beverage
• Neverending Party invitation envelope
• Newbiesport™ backpack
• Nightstalker perfume
• No Hats as Art
• Non-Euclidean Finance
• Novelty Belt Buckle of Violence
• Now You're Cooking With Grease
• Official Seal of Dreadsylvania
• Okee-Dokee soda
• Ol' Scratch's ash can
• Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork
• Ol' Scratch's manacles
• Ol' Scratch's ol' britches
• Ol' Scratch's stove door
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Oopsie IPA
• Operation Patriot Shield
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Oscus's dumpster waders
• Oscus's flypaper pants
• Oscus's garbage can lid
• Oscus's neverending soda
• Oscus's pelt
• Otorian Battle Scar
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• P.B.L.T.
• Pack of Alice's Army Foil Cards
• Pack of Every Card
• Pan-Dimensional Gargle Blaster
• Panda outfit
• Pantaloons of Hatred
• Pantsgiving
• Party Planning on a Budget
• Party Tattoo™ gift certificate
• Pecos Dave's sixgun
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• Pigsticker of Violence
• PirateRealm membership packet
• Platinum HP-35 Calculator
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card
• Pocket Square of Loathing
• Poké-Gro fertilizer
• Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them
• Pokëmann band-aid
• Pop Art: a Guide
• Powerful Glove
• Prelude of Precision
• Professor of Spelunkology
• Protects-Your-Junk
• Psycho From The Heat
• Puffstone cigar
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Quiets-Your-Steps
• Rümpelstiltz
• ROM of Optimality
• Rad-B-Gone (1 lb.)
• Rad-Pro (1 oz.)
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Antenna Ball
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Rainbow's Gravity
• Red Roger's skull
• Retenez L'Herbe Paté
• Rethinking Candy
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Rock Garden Guide
• Roman Candelabra
• Royal scepter
• Russian Ice
• S.A.V.E. flyer
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• S.I.T. Course Voucher
• SMOOCH bottlecap
• SMOOCH coffee cup
• STYX deodorant body spray
• Saccharine Maple pendant
• Salsa de las Epocas
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Scepter of Loathing
• Schmalz's First Prize Beer
• School of Hard Knocks Diploma
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Sealed TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Seasonal Beret
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Seven Loco
• Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip
• Shrub's Premium Baked Beans
• Shudder
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Single Alice's Army Foil
• Sister Accessory
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Small Medium
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket (collar popped)
• Snow Suit
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Sorcerers of the Shore Grimoire
• Source shades
• Source terminal DIAGRAM chip
• Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts
• Space Trip safety headphones
• Spacegate Initiative tattoo unit
• Spacegate Research
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• Special™ Sauce
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• Spooky Putty sheet
• Spooky Putty snake
• Spooky-Gro fertilizer
• Spring Break Beach tattoo coupon
• Stabonic scroll
• Staff of Simmering Hatred
• Staff of the Deepest Freeze
• Staff of the Roaring Hearth
• Staff of the Scummy Sink
• Star of Bravery
• Stembridge sidearm
• Stick-Knife of Loathing
• Stupid University Diploma
• Superhero Reboots
• TΤ◊lisman of Baiø‡
• Taco Dan's Taco Stand Flier
• Tales of the Word Realms
• Talisman of Baio
• Talisman of Bakula
• Telltale™ rubber heart
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder
• The Big Book of Communism
• The Big Book of Communism (used)
• The Big Book of Every Skill
• The Chill of the Wild
• The Cocktail Shaker
• The Confiscator's Grimoire
• The Crown of Ed the Undying
• The Eye of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Necbromancer's Hat
• The Necbromancer's Shorts
• The Necbromancer's Stein
• The Necbromancer's Wizard Staff
• The Nuge's favorite crossbow
• The Six-Pack of Pain
• The Smith's Tome
• The Spirit of Giving
• The Western Look
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thor's Pliers
• Thunkula's drinking cap
• Thwaitgold Illinigina illinoiensis model
• Thwaitgold ant statuette
• Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette
• Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold bug statuette
• Thwaitgold butterfly statuette
• Thwaitgold caterpillar statuette
• Thwaitgold chigger statuette
• Thwaitgold cockroach statuette
• Thwaitgold fairyfly statue
• Thwaitgold fire beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold harvestman statuette
• Thwaitgold listening bug statuette
• Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette
• Thwaitgold metabug statuette
• Thwaitgold nit statuette
• Thwaitgold nymph statuette
• Thwaitgold praying mantis statuette
• Thwaitgold protozoa statuette
• Thwaitgold quantum bug statuette
• Thwaitgold scorpion statuette
• Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold termite statuette
• Thwaitgold time fly statuette
• Thwaitgold wheel bug statuette
• Thwaitgold wolf spider statuette
• Tickle-Me Emilio
• Time Bandit Badge of Courage
• Time Bandit Time Towel
• Time Cape
• Time Cloak
• Time Juice
• Time Lord Badge of Honor
• To Build an Igloo
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Clip Art
• Tome of Rad Libs
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Treads of Loathing
• Trivial Avocations board game
• Tropical Crimbo Hat
• Tropical Crimbo Shorts
• Trout Fishing in Loathing
• Twelve Night Energy
• Twitching Television Tattoo
• Ultra Mega Sour Ball
• Ultrasoldier Serum
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Uncle Buck
• Uncle Crimbo's Sack
• Uncle Hobo's belt
• Uncle Hobo's epic beard
• Uncle Hobo's fingerless tinsel gloves
• Uncle Hobo's gift baggy pants
• Uncle Hobo's highest bough
• Uncle Hobo's stocking cap
• Underworld acorn
• Underworld flail
• Underworld sapling
• Underworld truncheon
• Underworld trunk
• Unionize The Elves sign
• Universal Seasoning
• Unkillable Skeleton's breastplate
• Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• V for Vivala mask
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Velougats™
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Wal-Mart nametag
• Wal-Mart overalls
• Wal-Mart snowglobe
• Wal-Mart tattoo kit
• Wand of Oscus
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warehouse 23 crate
• Warms-Your-Tush
• Wet Russian
• Winifred's whistle
• Witchess Set
• Workytime Tea
• World's Blackest-Eyed Peas
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xi Receiver Unit
• Xiblaxian encrypted political prisoner
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: residence cube
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: stealth trousers
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: stealth vest
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: ultraburrito
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: xeno-goggles
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeti Protest Sign
• Ze™ goggles
• Zombo's empty eye
• Zombo's grievous greaves
• Zombo's shield
• Zombo's shoulder blade
• Zombo's skull ring
• Zombo's skullcap
• [glitch season reward name]
• a cute angel
• a suspicious address
• abyssal battle plans
• adobe abacus
• adobe abaya
• adobe adze
• adobe arsecover
• adobe ascot
• adobe assortment
• adobe ayam
• adobe brittle
• adventurer clone egg
• aerogel accordion
• aerogel akubra
• aerogel anvil
• aerogel apron
• aerogel ascot
• aerogel attache case
• aerosolized aerogel
• agua de vida
• airborne mutagen
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: Dinseylandfill
• airplane charter: Spring Break Beach
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• airplane charter: The Glaciest
• airplane tattoo
• alien plant sample
• alien protein powder
• alien source code printout
• alien source code printout (used)
• alien zoological sample
• all-year sucker
• ancient cursed foot locker
• ancient hot dog wrapper
• ancient oil painting of yourself
• anniversary gift box
• antimatter wad
• antique nutcracker drumstick
• aquamariner's necklace
• aquamariner's ring
• archaeologing shovel
• arrow'd heart balloon
• arse-shooting crossbow
• artisanal homebrew gift package
• artisanal homebrew sampler
• aspirin
• astral badger
• astronaut ice-cream
• attention spanner
• august scepter
• avatar of the Unconscious Collective
• baby bark scorpion
• baby camelCalf
• baby chest mimic
• baby cuddlefish
• backwoods banjo
• bacon bath ball
• bad penguin egg
• bad-ass club
• bag of Iunion stones
• bag of grain
• bagged Cargo Cultist Shorts
• bagged stuffed "L"
• bakelite backpack
• bakelite badge
• bakelite belt
• bakelite bits
• bakelite bowl
• bakelite breeches
• bakelite brooch
• ballast turtle
• banana-frosted king cake
• baneful bandolier
• baobab sap
• bark rootbeer
• barnacled barrel
• basaltamander buckler
• baseball
• basic martini
• basic meat skirt
• basking robin
• bat-shaped Crimboween cookie
• bath ball gift set
• battered old top-hat
• battery-powered drill
• battoo kit
• bazooka cozy
• beautiful rainbow
• beer-a-pult
• beer-scented teddy bear
• beet
• bejeweled accordion strap
• bejeweled cufflinks
• bell-shaped Crimbo cookie
• best joke ever
• bezoar ring
• big ol' trophy
• big slimy cyst
• big tun
• biker's hat
• bindle of joy
• biomechanical crimborg helmet
• biomechanical crimborg leg armor
• birthday candle
• black candygram
• black eyedrops
• black forest ham
• black label
• black pension check
• black pepper
• black picnic basket
• black pudding
• black snowcone
• blank fudge mold
• blank note
• blank white card
• blended frozen swill with a fly in it
• blood-faced volleyball
• blue canary nightlight
• blue glowstick
• blue lava globs
• blue plastic baby
• blue ribbon
• blue snowcone
• blue suede shoes
• blue traffic cone
• blueberry-frosted king cake
• bobble-hip hula elf doll
• bodyslam
• boning knife
• bonsai tree
• book of facts
• boot knife
• boot plant
• booze mailing list
• booze-soaked cherry
• bottle of Amontillado
• bottle of Bloodweiser
• bottle of Cochon Noir
• bottle of Definit
• bottle of fire
• bottle of fruity "wine"
• bottle of lovebug pheromones
• bottle of peppermint schnapps
• bottle of perfume
• bottle of single-barrel whiskey
• bottle-rocket crossbow
• bottled Vampire Vintner
• bottled day
• bottled green pixie
• boulder
• bow
• bowl of fishysoisse
• bowl of marinade
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• box o' ghosts
• box of Gratitude chocolates
• box of Pokëmann band-aids
• box of bear arms
• boxcar turtle
• boxed Apriling band helmet
• boxed Sept-Ember Censer
• boxed august scepter
• boxed autumn-aton
• boxed bat wings
• boxed champagne
• brass Dreadsylvanian flask
• brass crank handle
• bread line
• breaded beer
• briefcase full of sprinkles
• brine
• briny vinegar
• broberry brogurt
• broken chocolate pocketwatch
• bubble-wrap simulator (half broken)
• buffalo dime
• bugbear-smiting sword
• bunch of bananas
• bunny liver
• burnt flower
• buzzard feather
• calle de miel with a fly in it
• calm attention-deficit demon
• can of Minions-Be-Gone
• can of Rain-Doh
• can of depilatory cream
• can of fake snow
• can of sterno
• candied yam pinky ring
• candy cornucopia
• candy dog collar
• candy dress shoes
• candy mailing list
• candy necktie
• capped blue lava bottle
• capped green lava bottle
• capped red lava bottle
• carbonite visor
• card sleeve
• carrot juice
• carrot nose
• catgut
• caustic slime nodule
• cement sandals
• cement shoes
• ceramic celery grater
• ceramic celsiturometer
• ceramic cenobite's robe
• ceramic centurion shield
• ceramic cerecloth belt
• ceramic cestus
• ceramic scree
• chainsaw chain
• chalk chain
• chalk chalice
• chalk chapeau
• chalk chinos
• chalk chlamys
• chalk choker
• chalk chunks
• charrrm bracelet
• cheap toaster
• cherry bomb
• chewable paper
• chiffon carbage
• chiffon chakram
• chiffon chamberpot
• chiffon chapeau
• chiffon chaps
• chiffon chemise
• chiffon chevrons
• chocolate bath ball
• chocolate cigar
• chocolate pocketwatch
• chocolate puppy
• chocolate spurs
• chocolate-covered loofah
• chocolate-frosted king cake
• circle drum
• clan underground fireworks shop
• class five ecto-larva
• clockwork detective skull
• clockwork endoskeleton
• clockwork shank
• closed-circuit phone system
• coal paperweight
• coarse hemp socks
• coconut bikini top
• coffee sprite
• colored-light "necklace"
• combat lover's locket lockbox
• comfy blanket
• comfy coffin
• commemorative war stein
• communal gobstopper
• complicated device
• complicated lock impression
• concentrated garbage juice
• concoction of clumsiness
• confusing LED clock
• consolation ribbon
• container of Spooky Putty
• control crystal
• cool iron ingot
• cop dollar
• corncob pipe
• correction fluid
• corroded breeches
• corrosive cowl
• corrupted marrow
• corrupted stardust
• cosmic bucket
• cotton candy cocoon
• cow poker
• cozy bazooka
• cozy scimitar
• cranberry schnapps
• crappy Mer-kin mask
• crappy Mer-kin tailpiece
• crappy camera
• crappy waiter disguise
• crated wardrobe-o-matic
• crazy bastard sword
• crepe paper parachute cape
• crepe paper pared cuttings
• crepe paper peanut candy
• crepe paper phrygian cap
• crepe paper pie clip
• crepe paper plunge camisole
• crepe paper polka charm
• crepe paper puzzle cube
• crimbo elfling
• crotchety pants
• crowbar
• crude oil congealer
• crumbling rat skull
• crumpled felt fedora
• crushed steamer trunk
• crusty hula hoop
• crystallized memory
• cube of billiard chalk
• cubic zirconia
• cup of "tea"
• cursed breeches
• cursed cutlass
• cursed eyepatch
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed microwave
• cursed monkey glove
• cursed pony keg
• cursed ring finger ring
• cursed swash buckle
• custom avatar form
• cute meteoroid
• cybervisor
• cyclops eyedrops
• cymbal syrup
• d6
• damp old wallet
• dandy lion cub
• deactivated RoboGoose
• deactivated nanobots
• dead guy's piece of double-sided tape
• deanimated reanimator's coffin
• debonair deboner
• decanter of fine Scotch
• decaying goldfish liver
• dedigitizer schematic: retro floppy disk
• deed to Oliver's Place
• deep six-shooter
• defective Game Grid token
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• deluxe fax machine
• designer sweatpants (new old stock)
• detective roscoe
• detective school application
• detective tattoo
• detour shield
• dew yoana lei
• diabolical crossbow
• diamondback skin
• dice belt buckle
• dice ring
• dice sunglasses
• dice-print do-rag
• dice-print pajama pants
• dice-shaped backpack
• digibritches
• dinged-up triangle
• dingy planks
• dirty bottlecap
• dirty martini
• discarded button
• disintegrating barrel
• disposable instant camera
• distention pill
• distilled fortified wine
• do-it-yourself laser eye surgery kit
• dollar sign
• dolphin whistle
• doppelshifter egg
• double daisy
• dreadful box
• dreadful fedora
• dreadful glove
• dreadful sweater
• dreaming Jung man
• dried gelatinous cube
• drippy snail shell
• drum of pomade
• ducha de oro
• duck-on-a-string
• dungeon dragon chest
• dungeoneering kit
• dusty barrel
• dusty left second rear claw
• dwarvish war helmet
• dwarvish war kilt
• dwarvish war mattock
• ear poison
• easter egg balloon
• eerily silent box
• eldritch tincture
• eldritch tincture (depleted)
• electric Kool-Aid
• electric crutch
• electrician's hardhat
• electronic Brain Trainer game
• eleven-foot pole
• elf sleeper agent
• embering hunk
• emo roe
• emotion chip
• empty Rain-Doh can
• empty blowgun
• empty lava bottle
• enchanted bean burrito
• enchanted leopard-print barbell
• encrypted shuriken
• enhanced signal receiver
• ennui-flavored potato chips
• enticing mayolus
• epic wad
• especially salty dog
• eternal car battery
• eternal knot tattoo
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• evil noodles
• evil paper umbrella
• exclusive club
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• exotic parrot egg
• expensive camera
• expensive cigar
• experimental carbon fiber pasta additive
• expired bottle of peppermint schnapps
• exploding cigar
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• extra time
• extremely skinny jeans
• extremely wet T-shirt
• eye 'n' horn shampoo
• fairy-worn boots
• fake plastic grass
• familiar scrapbook
• feathered headdress
• fertilized ghuol egg
• festive sausage
• festive warbear bank
• fetid feather
• fettucini épines Inconnu
• fettucini épines Inconnu recipe
• fetus-smashing club
• fiberglass fannypack
• fiberglass fedora
• fiberglass fetish
• fiberglass fibers
• fiberglass fingerguard
• fiberglass foil
• fiberglass frock
• fiberglass insulation
• figurine of an ancient seal
• fire axe
• fish stick cozy
• fishbone catcher's mitt
• fishy pipe
• fist turkey outline
• fistful of ashes
• flagstone fez
• flagstone flag
• flagstone flagments
• flagstone flail
• flagstone fleece
• flagstone flip-flops
• flagstone fringe
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming pink shirt
• flapper floppers
• flashing novelty button
• flask of port
• flat cider
• flickering pixel
• floaty gravel
• floaty inverse geode
• floaty pebbles
• floaty rock
• floaty stone sphere
• flyest of shirts
• flytrap bezoar
• foam dart
• foggy glass globe
• folder (KOLHS)
• folder (Knight Writer)
• folder (yellow)
• food mailing list
• foreign box
• fossilized necklace
• frankincenser
• frayed rope belt
• fresh can of paint
• frigid air mattress
• frigid mote
• frozen feather
• fruity girl swill
• fudge lily
• fudge pocket square
• fudge spork
• fudgecycle
• full lava bottle
• fumble formula
• funny paper hat
• furry kilt
• furry skirt
• fuzzbump
• fuzzy bracelets
• gabardine gaiters
• gabardine garibaldi
• gabardine garland
• gabardine girdle
• gabardine gloves
• gabardine gunnysack
• gabardine smithereens
• gasmask
• gattoo
• gazing shoes
• gelatinous meat mass
• generic healing potion
• generic mana potion
• generic restorative potion
• genie bottle
• ghost cucumber
• ghost pencil
• ghost pickle on a stick
• ghost protocol
• giant O
• giant X
• giant clay ashtray
• giant pearl
• gift-a-pult
• gimlet
• gin and tonic
• ginger beer
• gingerbread dog treat
• gingerbread gavel
• gingerbread hoodie
• gingerbread house
• gingerbread mask
• gingerbread moneybag
• gingerbread mug
• gingerbread pistol
• gingerbread smartphone
• gingerbread spice latte
• gingerbread tophat
• gingerbread trousers
• gingerbread waistcoat
• ginormous pumpkin
• glass eye
• glass gnoll eye
• glass of "milk"
• glass of warm water
• glow-in-the-dark wristwatch
• glowing frisbee
• gnauga hide kilt
• goat
• goblin bone hilt
• goblin collarbone
• golden banana
• golden gum
• golden gun
• golden monkey statuette
• golden sausage
• golden tattoo gun
• goofily-plumed helmet
• gray bow tie
• greedy ghostling
• green BRICKO brick
• green candygram
• green face paint
• green glowstick
• green lava globs
• green pixie spog
• green snowcone
• green traffic cone
• gregarious ghostling
• grey gosling
• grimstone galoshes
• grinning ghostling
• grinning turtle
• grisly shield
• grizzled bearskin
• grogtini
• grubby woolball
• grue egg
• grue egg omelette
• guild application
• gumshoes
• haiku katana
• hair of the calf
• hairshirt
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• handful of Crotchety Pine needles
• handful of Laughing Willow bark
• handful of barley
• handful of bees
• handful of tips
• hangman's hood
• hardened slime belt
• hardened slime hat
• hardened slime pants
• harem girl t-shirt
• haunted doghouse
• hazardous sauce dosimeter
• heart of dark chocolate
• hemp backpack
• hemp candy necklace
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hibernating robot reindeer
• high-end ginger wine
• high-temperature mining drill
• hippo tutu
• hippopotamus kilt
• hippopotamus pants
• hippopotamus skirt
• hobo code binder
• hobo dungarees
• hobo monkey
• hobo stogie
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• holiday cheese log
• holiday log
• homeless hobo spirit
• homemade robot
• homeopathic healing powder
• hot stuffing
• house of twigs and spit
• hovering sombrero
• huge pumpkin
• hungover chauvinist pig
• hypnodisk
• ice baby
• ice cream sandwich
• ice pick
• ice sickle
• ice wine
• iceberg lettuce
• iceberglet
• icicle katana
• imbued seal-blubber candle
• imitation nice watch
• improved martini
• in-the-box spring shoes
• incense bath ball
• incredibly dense meat gem
• indie comic hipster glasses
• industrial frosting
• industrial strength anti-fungal spray
• infant sandworm
• infinite BACON machine
• inflatable LT&T telegraph office
• ink bladder
• innuendo
• insulting hat
• interesting clod of dirt
• intergalactic pom poms
• intricate music box parts
• invisibility potion
• invisible potion
• iron chain
• irresistibility potion
• irritability potion
• ittah bittah hookah
• jamfish jam
• jar of squeeze
• jar of swamp honey
• jawbruiser
• jewel-eyed wizard hat
• jingle bell
• jitterbug larva
• jug of "wine"
• jug of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• juggling ball
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• khaki duffel bag
• kill screen
• kitten burglar
• kitty sheet music
• knuckle sandwich
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• latte lovers club card
• latte lovers member's mug
• lava balaclava
• lavender candygram
• lawn dart
• leaf
• left bear arm
• left-handed melodica
• leftover pasty
• lemonhead caviar
• li'l ghost costume
• liar's pants
• libertagliatelle
• licorice garrote
• licorice root
• licorice whip
• liquid smoke
• little firkin
• little red book
• live wire
• llama lama cria
• loaded serum blowgun
• loadstone
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loofah ladle
• loofah lavalier
• loofah lederhosen
• loofah legwarmers
• loofah lei
• loofah lumberjack's hat
• loofah lumps
• loose blade
• lowercase a
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky Tam O'Shatner
• lump of not really wriggling eldritch matter
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• lychee chuhai
• lynyrd skin
• machine elf capsule
• mafia organizer badge
• magic dragonfish fry
• magical battery
• magnifying glass
• makeshift cape
• makeshift castanets
• makeshift skirt
• makeshift turban
• malevolent medallion
• malware injector
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Cursed Village
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Mystic Wood
• map to the Putrid Swamp
• map to the Skate Park
• map to the Sprawling Cemetery
• map to the Towering Mountains
• marble maebari
• marble magnet
• marble mantle
• marble mariachi hat
• marble medallion
• marble mignonette bowl
• marble molecules
• mariachi hat
• marinara jug
• marine aquamarine
• massive sitar
• mayfly bait necklace
• meatball machine
• meatcar model
• medium slimy cyst
• medium stone triangle
• megacopia
• megatofu
• meteorite earring
• meteorite fragment
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• mid-level medieval mead
• midget clownfish
• mime army shotglass
• mimeplasm
• mimosette
• miner's helmet
• miner's pants
• mini kiwi egg
• miniature antlers
• miniature castagnets
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniscule temporal rip
• mint condition Lil' Doctor™ bag
• mint condition magnifying glass
• mint-in-box Powerful Glove
• mirrored aviator shades
• misfit dolly
• model train set
• moist barrel
• moist sack
• moon-amber
• moss floss
• moss mace
• moss mantle
• moss marlinspike
• moss medal
• moss megaphone
• moss mitre
• moss mulch
• mostly rat-hide leggings
• motivational poster
• mouldering barrel
• mouth-watering mayolus
• moveable feast
• moxie magnet
• mummified entombed cookbookbat
• mumming trunk
• murderbot monofilament
• murderbot plasma rifle
• myrrh pouch
• myrrh-soaked, chocolate-covered bacon bath ball
• mysterious chest
• name change form
• nativity shorts
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• nauseating reagent
• navel ring of navel gazing
• neck wreath
• necrotizing body spray
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• new-in-box toy Cupid bow
• newborn kobold
• newly-hatched mayonnaise wasp
• night-vision goggles
• ninjammies
• normal barrel
• nosy nose ringy ring
• note from Clancy
• novelty monorail ticket
• nurse's hat
• obnoxious riddle
• octolus-skin cloak
• off-hand balloon
• offensive moustache
• old chum
• old patched suit-pants
• old school Mafia knicke½æ
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• old school flying disc
• old soft shoes
• old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie
• one million meat pancakes
• one-day ticket to Conspiracy Island
• one-day ticket to Dinseylandfill
• one-day ticket to Spring Break Beach
• one-day ticket to That 70s Volcano
• one-day ticket to The Glaciest
• optimal spreadsheet
• orange candygram
• orange glowstick
• orange traffic cone
• organ grinder
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• outrageous sombrero
• over-the-shoulder Folder Holder
• oyster egg balloon
• pacification grenade
• packaged Daylight Shavings Helmet
• packaged Everfull Dart Holster
• packaged June cleaver
• packaged Jurassic Parka
• packaged Pocket Professor
• packaged Roman Candelabra
• packaged SpinMaster™ lathe
• packaged backup camera
• packaged cold medicine cabinet
• packaged familiar scrapbook
• packaged industrial fire extinguisher
• packaged knock-off retro superhero cape
• packaged miniature crystal ball
• packaged model train set
• packet of beer nuts
• packet of beer seeds
• packet of dragon's teeth
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of orchid seeds
• packet of tofurkey gravy
• packet of winter seeds
• painted turtle
• pair of bolt cutters
• palm frond
• palm-frond whip
• panicked kernel
• paraffin palazzos
• paraffin pendant
• paraffin pieces
• paraffin pith helmet
• paraffin poncho
• paraffin pseudoaccordion
• paraffin punching bag
• paranormal ricotta
• party crasher
• party pup
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• peace turkey outline
• pearl diver's necklace
• penguin-smacking club
• peppermint crook
• peppermint rhino baby
• perfectly fair coin
• perfectly ordinary frog
• pernicious cudgel
• personal massager
• personal raindrop
• personalized coffee mug
• personalized wassail stein
• pet anchor
• pet bad vibe
• petrified time
• petrified wood waist protector
• petrified wood walking pants
• petrified wood war pike
• petrified wood waste parts
• petrified wood water purifier
• petrified wood whoopie panama
• petrified wood wizard's pouch
• ph balancer
• phial of coldness
• phial of hotness
• phial of sleaziness
• phial of spookiness
• phial of stench
• photo booth sized crate
• picky tweezers
• piece of driftwood
• pile of loose snow
• pile of smoking rags
• pin-stripe slacks
• pine cone
• pink candygram
• pink glowstick
• pink pinkslip slip
• pink plastic baby
• pink slime
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• pirate shaving cream
• pixel pill
• plaid cowboy hat
• plain paper hat
• plans for depleted Grimacite astrolabe
• plans for depleted Grimacite grappling hook
• plans for depleted Grimacite gravy boat
• plans for depleted Grimacite hammer
• plans for depleted Grimacite ninja mask
• plans for depleted Grimacite shinguards
• plans for depleted Grimacite weightlifting belt
• plastic Crimbo reindeer
• plastic pumpkin bucket
• plastic vampire fangs
• plate of World's Blackest-Eyed Peas
• plexifoam chin strap
• plexiglass pants
• plexiglass pendant
• plexiglass pikestaff
• plexiglass pinky ring
• plexiglass pith helmet
• plexiglass pocketwatch
• plumber's lunch
• pocket lint (blue)
• pocket lint (green)
• pocket lint (orange)
• pocket lint (white)
• pogo stick
• pointy red hat
• poison pen
• polished moon-amber
• polyester pad
• polyester panama hat
• polyester parachute
• polyester peeler
• polyester pettipants
• polyester pulsera
• polyesterene powder
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• poodle skirt
• popsicle stick
• porcelain pelerine
• porcelain pepper mill
• porcelain phantom mask
• porcelain plus-fours
• porcelain police baton
• porcelain porkpie
• porcelain powder
• pork elf goodies sack
• possibility potion
• potted tea tree
• pottery barn owl figurine
• powdered sealbone
• power seed
• praying Grim Brother
• pregnant gloomy black mushroom
• premium malt liquor
• prescription noodles
• present
• press-on ribs
• pressurized potion of possessiveness
• priceless diamond
• primitive alien blowgun
• primitive alien loincloth
• primitive alien necklace
• primitive alien spear
• primitive alien totem
• pristine fish scale
• proto-proto-protozoa
• psychedelic bubble wand
• psycho sweater
• pufferfish spine
• pump-up high-tops
• pumpkin
• pumpkin beer
• puppet strings
• purple glowstick
• puzzling ribbon
• puzzling trophy
• pygmy bugbear shaman
• quantized familiar
• quantized familiar experience
• quantum of familiar
• quantum watch
• quasi-ethereal macaroni fragments
• questionable taco
• quirky accordion
• radium-flavored potato chips
• raffle prize box
• raffle ticket
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• rainbow tie
• rat appendix
• rat tooth polish
• ratgut
• raw bread
• real cowboy hat
• record of infuriating silence
• record of infuriating silence (used)
• record of menacing silence
• record of menacing silence (used)
• record of tranquil silence
• record of tranquil silence (used)
• recording of Donho's Bubbly Ballad
• recovered cufflinks
• red ale
• red and green rain stick
• red armband
• red face paint
• red lava globs
• red plastic baby
• red plumber's boots
• red traffic cone
• red wagon
• red-spotted snapper roe
• redwood rain stick
• refurbished air fryer
• regular-size brogurt
• rehearsing dramatic hedgehog
• reliable sixgun
• repaid diaper
• replica Ten Dollars
• replica bat-oomerang
• research fragment
• residual chitin paste
• reusable shopping bag
• rhesus monkey
• rhinestone
• ribcage rollcage
• rickety old unicycle
• ridiculous belt
• ridiculous sandwich
• ridiculous sunglasses
• right bear arm
• right half of a heart necklace
• ring
• ring of teleportation
• rock lobster
• rockin' wagon with a fly in it
• roll of meat
• rope with some soap on it
• rose-colored glasses
• rotting barrel
• rotting cowskin
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rubber band gun
• rune-strewn spoon cocoon
• rusty broken diving helmet
• rusty diving helmet
• rusty metal greaves
• rxr shield
• sabre-toothed lime cub
• salacious lychee chuhai
• salacious screwdiver
• saltwaterbed
• sampler size toothpaste
• samurai turtle
• sandcastle
• sandwich of the gods
• sane hatrack
• sangria del diablo
• sardine can key
• scimitar cozy
• scintillating powder
• scissor duck
• scotch on the rocks
• scrap metal
• screwdiver
• sea salt scrubs
• seal medal
• sealskin drum
• seaode
• seaweed
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• sentient meat mass
• server room key
• set of Unobtainium straps
• set of jacks
• shadow candy
• shadowy cheat sheet
• shapeless wide-brimmed hat
• sharp tin strip
• sharpened hubcap
• shimmering tendrils
• shock collar
• shortest-order cook
• shoulder-warming lotion
• shrine to the Barrel god
• shrink-wrapped 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• shrink-wrapped Cincho de Mayo
• shrinking powder
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• silent beret
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silky pirate drawers
• silver Dreadsylvanian flask
• silver cow creamer
• silver sausage
• silver shotgun shell
• simple AI
• single atom
• single-serving herbal stuffing
• sinister ancient tablet
• sinistral homunculus
• six-armed sweater
• six-pack of New Cloaca-Cola
• six-rainbow shield
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• slap and slap again recipe
• sleep mask
• sleeping patriotic eagle
• sleeping piano cat
• sleeping snowy owl
• sleeping stocking
• slime shooter
• slime-covered club
• slime-covered compass
• slime-covered greaves
• slime-covered helmet
• slime-covered lantern
• slime-covered necklace
• slime-covered shovel
• slime-covered speargun
• slime-covered staff
• slime-soaked brain
• slime-soaked hypophysis
• slime-soaked sweat gland
• slimy alveolus
• slimy chest
• slimy paste
• slimy sweetbreads
• slippery when wet shield
• slow jam collection
• slug of rum
• slug of shochu
• small Crimbo Pressie
• small golem
• small slimy cyst
• small stone triangle
• smiley-face sticker
• smiling rat
• smoking grass
• smoking talon
• smoldering box
• smudge stick
• snake shield
• sneakeasies
• snow belly
• snow hat
• snow pants
• sober pill
• sock monkey
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• software glitch
• sorority brain
• sorority girl's box
• soul monocle
• soy cordial
• space trooper helmet
• spaghetti breakfast
• spaghetti with ghost balls
• spaghetti-box banjo
• spare chocolate parts
• sparkly engagement ring
• special edition Batfellow comic
• spectral jelly
• spectral pickle
• speed limit shield
• spicy enchanted bean burrito
• spicy jumping bean burrito
• spinning wheel
• spirit bed
• spirit bell
• spirit blanket
• spirit mattress
• spirit pillow
• spirit sheet
• splendid martini
• sponge helmet
• spongy shield
• spooky pirate skeleton
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spooky toy wheel
• spoon!
• sprinkle-begging cup
• squamous polyp
• squirming Slime larva
• squirmy violent party snack
• stained glass serape
• stained glass shards
• stained glass shield
• stained glass shiv
• stained glass spectacles
• stained glass stetson
• stained glass suspenders
• stainless steel scarf
• stainless steel shillelagh
• stainless steel skullcap
• stainless steel slacks
• stainless steel solitaire
• stainless steel suspenders
• stapler bear
• star key lime
• star key lime pie
• star starfish
• status cymbal
• steaming evil
• steel knuckles
• sticky sword blade
• still grill
• still-beating spleen
• stinky cheese ball
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• stinky cheese wheel
• stinky fannypack
• stop shield
• strange stone pyramid
• string of Crimbo lights
• stuffed "L"
• stuffed Hodgman
• stuffed club
• stuffed-shirt scarecrow
• styrofoam peanuts
• subscription cocoa dispenser
• succulent marrow
• sucker bucket
• sucker hakama
• sucker kabuto
• sucker tachi
• sugar raygun
• super salad
• superhero mask
• sushi doily
• sushi-rolling mat
• suspicious stocking
• sweet nutcracker
• synaptic soup
• syncopated turtle
• synthetic dog hair pill
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talisman of Seshat
• talkative skull
• talking spade
• tapped black lotus
• tarnished metal ring
• tarnished metal rod
• tattered paper crown
• tattoo gun
• tempura air
• tempura cauliflower
• tennis ball
• teqiwila
• terra cotta tambourine
• terra cotta tidbits
• terra cotta tie tack
• terra cotta tongs
• terra cotta train
• terra cotta trousers
• terra cotta truss
• testy toolbox
• the finger
• thermos of "whiskey"
• thin gold wire
• tightly-wound spine
• time helmet
• time shuriken
• time sword
• time trousers
• time-twitching toolbelt
• tin rations
• tin roof (rusted)
• tin star
• tiny bust of Pallas
• tiny cell phone
• tiny costume wardrobe
• tiny frozen prehistoric meteorite jawbreaker
• tiny goth giant
• tiny makeup kit
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny slimy cyst
• tiny stillsuit
• toe jam
• torquoise
• tortoboggan
• toy Cupid bow
• toy sixgun
• toy train
• traffic jam
• train whistle
• tree skirt
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• tropical paperweight
• tropical swill
• tropical wrapping paper
• trusty torch
• tuning fork
• tuxedo shirt
• twitching space egg
• twitching trigger finger
• ultimate wad
• unappetizing mayolus
• uncapped blue lava bottle
• uncapped green lava bottle
• uncapped red lava bottle
• undamaged Unbreakable Umbrella
• undrilled cosmic bowling ball
• unearthed potsherd
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• unevolved organism
• uniclops egg
• unidentifiable dried fruit
• uninteresting mayolus
• unlocked meat locker
• unoccupied sheep suit
• unopened Bird-a-Day calendar
• unopened diabolic pizza cube box
• unopened tiny stillsuit
• untorn tearaway pants package
• unwound clockwork grapefruit
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwound mechanical songbird
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• valuable coin
• vampire glitter
• vampyric cloake pattern
• vanilla-frosted king cake
• velour valise
• velour vambraces
• velour vaqueros
• velour veil
• velour veneer
• velour viscometer
• velour voulge
• velvet choker
• very large caltrop
• vesper
• vicious spiked collar
• villainous scythe
• visual packet sniffer
• vodka and tonic
• voodoo doll
• voter registration form
• wad of Crovacite
• wad of cotton
• wad of slimy rags
• wad of spider silk
• walkie-talkie
• wand of fudge control
• warbear black box
• warbear breakfast machine
• warbear breakfast machine assembler
• warbear induction oven
• warbear rejuvenation potion
• warbear soda machine
• warbear superpotion
• wardrobe-o-matic
• washboard shield
• water-polo mitt
• waterlogged bootstraps
• wax banana
• wax lips
• weathered barrel
• webbed comic mask
• wedge of gray cheese
• western-style skinning knife
• wet stew
• white Dreadsylvanian
• white candygram
• white earbuds
• white page
• white picket fence
• white-label gin
• wicker clicker
• wicker kickers
• wicker knickers
• wicker slicker
• wicker sticker
• wicker ticker
• wickerbits
• wind-up chattering teeth
• wine-soaked bone chips
• wintergreen-flavored potato chips
• wired underwear
• witch's brew
• wizard action figure
• wooly loincloth
• worksite credentials
• world's most unappetizing beverage
• wrapped candy cane sword cane
• wrapping paper
• wreath-shaped Crimbo cookie
• wriggling severed nose
• wrought-iron flakes
• wrought-iron waders
• wrought-iron walker
• wrought-iron whisk
• wrought-iron widget
• wrought-iron wig
• wrought-iron winch crank
• yabba dabba doo rag
• yak skin
• ye olde golde frontes
• yellow brick road
• yellow candygram
• yellow glowstick
• yellow puck
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow traffic cone
• yield shield
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zmobie
• zombie accordion
• zombie mariachi hat
• zombie mariachi pants
• zombie monkey necklace