In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 1,645 short.

• "Humorous" T-shirt
• 'Villa' document
• 1 Meat
• 17-ball
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 2 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6 (used)
• A Guide to Burning Leaves
• A Guide to Safari
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer bobblehead
• Adventurer's Kit
• Alice's Army booster box
• Aluminum Epsilon of Humility
• Amoon-Ra Cowtep's nemes
• Ancient Saucehelm
• Annual Ascot
• Antagonistic Snowman Kit
• Apathargic Bandersnatch
• Apriling band helmet
• Argarggagarg's fang
• Arr, M80
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Asdon Martin keyfob (on ring)
• Ass-Stompers of Violence
• Autobiography Of Dynamite Superman Jones (used)
• Bag o' Tricks
• Banfoy's Boutique Order Form
• Barney's rake
• Baron von Ratsworth's money clip
• Baron von Ratsworth's tophat
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Bastille Battalion control rig crate
• Batfellow comic
• Beach Buck
• Bee's Knees
• Belt of Loathing
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• Black Bart's Booty
• Black and White Apron Enrollment Form
• Bling of the New Wave
• Bloodbath
• Blue Diamond of Honesty
• Bonerdagon necklace
• Boris's Helm
• Boris's Helm (askew)
• Boss Bat bling
• Boss Bat britches
• Bowl of Infinite Jelly
• Boxing Day care package
• Brand of Violence
• Brimstone Beret
• Brimstone Bludgeon
• Brimstone Boxers
• Brimstone Bracelet
• Brimstone Brooch
• Brimstone Bunker
• Brogre brolo shirt
• Brogre brorts
• Brogre bucket hat
• Bugfinder Blade
• Build-a-City Gingerbread kit
• Byte
• CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) (used)
• CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) (used)
• CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) (used)
• CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) (used)
• CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) (used)
• CSA fire-starting kit
• Camp Scout backpack
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Carpathian longsword
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Chalice of the Malkovich Prince
• Chateau Mantegna room key
• Chef Boy, R&D's business card
• Cheshire Bitten
• ChibiBuddy™ (on)
• Children's Meal of the Damned
• Christmas ham
• Cincho de Mayo
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge invitation
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan pool table
• Clan shower
• Clara's bell
• Claw of the Infernal Seal
• Codpiece of the Goblin King
• Coily™
• Cold One
• Cold Stone of Hatred
• Colera Peste Nebbiolo
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium (well-read)
• Copper Alpha of Sincerity
• Cosmic Calorie
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Covers-Your-Head
• Covert Ops for Kids
• Crimbo Elf creepy bobble-head
• Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
• Crimbo bottomless hot cocoa mug
• Crimbo hat
• Crimbo light-up Rudolph doll
• Crimbo pants
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo stocking
• Crimbo stogie-scented room odorizer
• Crimbo sword
• Crimbo tree flocker
• Crimbot schematic: Data Analyzer
• Crimbot schematic: Ribbon Manipulator
• Crimbot schematic: Rocket Skirt
• Crimbot schematic: Swiss Arm
• Crimbough
• Crown of Thrones
• DIY protonic accelerator kit
• Daisy's unclean bloomers
• Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Dark Jill-of-All-Trades
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Dear Past Self Package
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Dinsey's brain
• Dinsey's glove
• Dinsey's oculus
• Dinsey's pants
• Dinsey's radar dish
• Disco 'Fro Pick
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Distant Woods Getaway Brochure
• Doll Moll violin case
• Drapes-You-Regally
• Dreadsylvania Auditor's badge
• Dreadsylvanian clockwork key
• Dreadsylvanian shepherd's pie
• Dreadsylvanian stew
• Drip harness
• Driplet
• Drunkula's bell
• Drunkula's cape
• Drunkula's ring of haze
• Drunkula's silky pants
• Drunkula's wineglass
• Easter eggnog
• Ed the Undying exhibit crate
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• El Sombrero De Lopez
• El Vibrato restraints
• El Vibrato trapezoid
• Elder Turtle Shell
• Ellsbury's journal (used)
• Elvish sunglasses
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Essence of Annoyance
• Essence of Bear
• Everfull Dart Holster
• Fancy Jeff's fancy pocket square
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• Field Guide to Skeletal Anatomy (shredded)
• First Post shirt - Cir Senam
• Flivver
• Folder Holder
• Former Sheriff Dan's tin star
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• French slippers
• Fuzzy Slippers of Hatred
• Galapagosian Cuisses
• Garland of Greatness
• Garter of the Turtle Poacher
• General Assembly Module
• Ginsu™
• Girdle of Hatred
• Glass Balls of the Goblin King
• Glenn's golden dice
• God Lobster Egg
• Goggles of Loathing
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Accessory
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Gordon Beer's Beer Garden Catalog
• Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun
• Granny Tood's Thanksgarden Catalog
• Gravyskin Belt of the Sauceblob
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire
• Great S-Cape
• Great Wolf's beastly trousers
• Great Wolf's headband
• Great Wolf's left paw
• Great Wolf's lice
• Great Wolf's right paw
• Great Wolf's rocket launcher
• Greatest American Pants
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite Bock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite garter
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Grumpy Bumpkin's Pumpkin Seed Catalog
• Gummi-Memory
• Gygaxian Libram
• HOA citation pad
• HOA regulation book
• HOA zombie eyes
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Heimandatz's heart
• Helps-You-Sleep
• Hodgman's imaginary hamster
• Hodgman's whackin' stick
• Holiday Hal's Happy-Time Fun Book!
• Holiday Multitasking
• Horsery contract
• Hot Socks
• How to Hold a Grudge
• How to Lose Friends and Attract Snakes
• How to Tolerate Jerks
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games (used)
• Huggler Radio
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration (crumpled)
• Irish eggnog
• Iron Beta of Industry
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• January's Garbage Tote
• January's Garbage Tote (unopened)
• Jarlsberg's pan
• Jarlsberg's pan (Cosmic portal mode)
• Jeans of Loathing
• Jekyllin hide belt
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• Jocko Homo's head
• Jodhpurs of Violence
• June cleaver
• Junior Adventurer's kit
• Junior Adventurer's merit badge
• Junior LAAAAME merit badge
• Jurassic Parka
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• KoLHS Pep Squad Box
• Krakrox's Loincloth
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• Kremlin's Greatest Briefcase
• LARP carp
• LARP membership card
• LI-11 Motor Pool voucher
• LIDAR candle
• LOV Echinacea Bouquet
• LOV Elephant
• LOV Emotionizer
• LOV Enamorang
• LOV Extraterrestrial Chocolate
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• LWA ring
• La Hebilla del Cinturón de Lopez
• Lavalos's shell
• Law of Averages
• Lead Zeta of Chastity
• Leapin' Trousers
• Lederhosen of the Night
• Lens of Hatred
• Lens of Violence
• Liam's mail
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Candy Heart Summoning
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Love Songs
• Libram of Pulled Taffy
• Libram of Resolutions
• License to Chill
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Little Geneticist DNA-Splicing Lab
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion can opener
• Loathing Legion chainsaw
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion hammer
• Loathing Legion helicopter
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion knife
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lucky Lindy
• MAHI fez
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit
• Manual of Numberology
• Map to Kokomo
• March hat
• Marquis de Poivre soda
• Martialest Arts trophy
• Marvelous Unitard
• MayDay™ contract
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayflower bouquet
• Mayodiol
• Mayoflex
• Mayonex
• Mayor Ghost's cloak
• Mayor Ghost's gavel
• Mayor Ghost's khakis
• Mayor Ghost's sash
• Mayor Ghost's scissors
• Mayor Ghost's toupee
• Mayostat
• Mayozapine
• McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning
• Meatcleaver
• Medallion of the Ventrilo Prince
• Medicinal Herb's medicinal herbs
• Memories of Beanslinging
• Memories of Cow Punching
• Memories of Snake Oiling
• Mer-kin darkbook
• Mer-kin dodgeball
• Mer-kin dragnet
• Mer-kin facecowl
• Mer-kin gladiator mask
• Mer-kin gladiator tailpiece
• Mer-kin headguard
• Mer-kin scholar mask
• Mer-kin scholar tailpiece
• Mer-kin switchblade
• Mer-kin thighguard
• Mer-kin waistrope
• Meteoid ice beam
• Mint Salton Pepper's Peppermint Seed Catalog
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Moping Artistic Goth Kid
• Mr. Cheeng's spectacles
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Eh?
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Screege's spectacles
• Mr. Shirt
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• Murgatroyd diode
• My First Art of War
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• N. O. Beer
• Newbiesport™ backpack
• Newman's Own Trousers
• Nickel Gamma of Frugality
• Novelty Belt Buckle of Violence
• Official Seal of Dreadsylvania
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Oopsie IPA
• Operation Patriot Shield
• Orange Star of Sacrifice
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Order of the Silver Wossname
• Otorian Battle Scar
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• PB&BP
• Panda outfit
• Pantaloons of Hatred
• Pantsgiving
• Party Planning on a Budget
• Pecos Dave's sixgun
• Pener's drumstick
• Peppermint Pip Packet
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• Pigsticker of Violence
• Pink Heart of Spirit
• Platinum HP-35 Calculator
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card
• Pocket Meteor Guide
• Pocket Meteor Guide (well-thumbed)
• Pocket Square of Loathing
• Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them
• Powerful Glove
• Professor of Spelunkology
• Protects-Your-Junk
• Purple Horseshoe of Honor
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Quiets-Your-Steps
• ROM of Optimality
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Antenna Ball
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Rainbow's Gravity
• Red Balloon of Valor
• Retrospecs
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Rock Garden Guide
• Roman Candelabra
• Royal scepter
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• S.I.T. Course Voucher
• SMOOCH coffee cup
• STYX deodorant body spray
• Safari Jack's moustache
• Scalp of Gorgolok
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Scepter of Loathing
• Sceptre of the Torremolinos Prince
• Schmalz's First Prize Beer
• School of Hard Knocks Diploma
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Sealed TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Seasonal Beret
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Seven Loco
• Shrub's Premium Baked Beans
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Small Medium
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket (collar popped)
• Snow Suit
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Source shades
• Source terminal
• Source terminal CRAM chip
• Source terminal DRAM chip
• Source terminal GRAM chip
• Source terminal PRAM chip
• Source terminal SPAM chip
• Source terminal TRAM chip
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• Spelunker of Fortune (used)
• Spelunker's fedora
• Spelunker's khakis
• Spelunker's whip
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Spirit of Christmas
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• Spooky Putty sheet
• Spooky Putty snake
• Spookyraven signet
• Spring Break Beach "swimsuit"
• Staff of Kitchen Royalty
• Staff of Queso Escusado
• Staff of Simmering Hatred
• Staff of the Roaring Hearth
• Staff of the Scummy Sink
• Staff of the Soupbone
• Star of Bravery
• Stick-Knife of Loathing
• Stupid University Diploma
• Superhero Reboots
• Sword of Procedural Generation
• Sword of the Brouhaha Prince
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Tales of Dread
• Tales of a Kansas Toymaker (used)
• Tales of the Word Realms
• Talisman of Bakula
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• Thanksgiving ration
• That 70s Cologne
• The Art of Slapfighting (used)
• The Big Book of Every Skill
• The Cocktail Shaker
• The Confiscator's Grimoire
• The Crown of Ed the Undying
• The Eye of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 1 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 2 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 3 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 4 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 5 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 6 (used)
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Mariachi's guitar case
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6 (used)
• The Nose Knows, A Guide to Smells (read)
• The Nuge's favorite crossbow
• The One Mood Ring
• The Smith's Tome
• The Spirit of Giving (used)
• Thinknerd T-Shirt
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thor's Pliers
• Thunkula's drinking cap
• Thwaitgold Goliath beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold Illinigina illinoiensis model
• Thwaitgold amoeba statuette
• Thwaitgold ant statuette
• Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette
• Thwaitgold bee statuette
• Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold bookworm statuette
• Thwaitgold bug statuette
• Thwaitgold butterfly statuette
• Thwaitgold buzzy beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold caterpillar statuette
• Thwaitgold chigger statuette
• Thwaitgold cockroach statuette
• Thwaitgold dragonfly statuette
• Thwaitgold fairyfly statue
• Thwaitgold fire beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold firefly statuette
• Thwaitgold grasshopper statuette
• Thwaitgold harvestman statuette
• Thwaitgold keyhole spider statuette
• Thwaitgold listening bug statuette
• Thwaitgold maggot statuette
• Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette
• Thwaitgold metabug statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito-in-amber statuette
• Thwaitgold moth statuette
• Thwaitgold nit statuette
• Thwaitgold nymph statuette
• Thwaitgold praying mantis statuette
• Thwaitgold protozoa statuette
• Thwaitgold quantum bug statuette
• Thwaitgold scarab beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold scorpion statuette
• Thwaitgold shield bug statuette
• Thwaitgold slug statuette
• Thwaitgold spider statuette
• Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold stag beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold termite statuette
• Thwaitgold time fly statuette
• Thwaitgold wheel bug statuette
• Thwaitgold wolf spider statuette
• Thwaitgold woollybear statuette
• Time Bandit Badge of Courage
• Time-Spinner
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Clip Art
• Tome of Rad Libs
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Travoltan trousers
• Treads of Loathing
• Truthsayer
• UV monocular
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Uncle Crimbo's Sack
• Uncle Hobo's fingerless tinsel gloves
• Uncle Romulus (used)
• Underworld sapling
• Underworld trunk
• Unfortunato's foolscap
• Unionize The Elves sign
• Universal Seasoning
• Unkillable Skeleton's breastplate
• Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg
• Unkillable Skeleton's sawsword
• Unkillable Skeleton's shield
• Unkillable Skeleton's shinguards
• Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap
• Unmotivator: Crashed Orca
• Unmotivator: Success Warrior
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• Uranium Omega of Temperance
• V for Vivala mask
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Velougats™
• Volartta's bellbottoms
• Volcoino
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Wal-Mart "diamond" ring
• Wal-Mart gift certificate
• Wal-Mart nametag
• Wal-Mart overalls
• Wal-Mart snowglobe
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warehouse 23 crate
• Warms-Your-Tush
• Witchess Set
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xi Receiver Unit
• Xiblaxian residence-cube
• Xiblaxian space-whiskey
• Xiblaxian stealth cowl
• Xiblaxian stealth trousers
• Xiblaxian stealth vest
• Xiblaxian ultraburrito
• Xiblaxian xeno-detection goggles
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yellow Moon of Compassion
• Zinc Delta of Tranquility
• Zu Mannkäse Dienen (used)
• [glitch season reward name]
• [reuse me]
• a cute angel
• a suspicious address
• adobe abacus
• adobe abaya
• adobe adze
• adobe arsecover
• adobe ascot
• adobe assortment
• adobe ayam
• adorable seal larva
• adventurer clone egg
• aerogel accordion
• aerogel akubra
• aerogel anvil
• aerogel apron
• aerogel ascot
• aerogel attache case
• aerosolized aerogel
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: Dinseylandfill
• airplane charter: Spring Break Beach
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• airplane charter: The Glaciest
• airplane tattoo
• alien plant fibers
• alien plant sample
• alien source code printout (used)
• alien toenails
• alien zoological sample
• alpine watercolor set
• anger blaster
• annealed drippy orb
• anniversary gift box
• arse-shooting crossbow
• artisanal homebrew sampler
• astral badger
• astronaut ice-cream
• august scepter
• avatar of the Unconscious Collective
• baby camelCalf
• baby chest mimic
• backup camera
• bad penguin egg
• bad-ass club
• bag of Iunion stones
• bagged stuffed "L"
• bakelite backpack
• bakelite badge
• bakelite belt
• bakelite bits
• bakelite bowl
• bakelite breeches
• bakelite brooch
• ballast turtle
• balsam barrel
• baneful bandolier
• barnacled barrel
• basking robin
• bat wings
• batskin belt
• battoo kit
• bauxite beret
• bauxite bow-tie
• bauxite boxers
• beer-scented teddy bear
• beet
• bejazzled eyepatch
• best joke ever
• bewitching boots
• big ol' trophy
• big tun
• biker's hat
• bindle of joy
• birthday candle
• bitter bowtie
• black candygram
• black velvet box
• blank note
• blank white card
• bloody kiwitini
• blue money bag
• blue ribbon
• blue rocket
• blue traffic cone
• body spradium
• bodyslam
• bomb of unknown origin
• book of facts
• book of facts (dog-eared)
• boot plant
• booze-soaked cherry
• bottle of lovebug pheromones
• bottled Vampire Vintner
• bottled green pixie
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• bowl of petunias
• box o' ghosts
• box of Gratitude chocolates
• box of bear arms
• boxcar turtle
• boxed Apriling band helmet
• boxed Mayam Calendar
• boxed Sept-Ember Censer
• boxed august scepter
• boxed autumn-aton
• boxed bat wings
• brass Dreadsylvanian flask
• brazen bracelet
• briefcase full of sprinkles
• buffalo dime
• bugbear detector
• bugbear-smiting sword
• bulky free-range mushroom
• bundle of firewood
• burnt snowpants
• burst hellseal brain
• calm attention-deficit demon
• campfire baked potato
• campfire beans
• campfire coffee
• campfire hot dog
• campfire s'more
• campfire smoke
• campfire stew
• can of Rain-Doh
• candy cane sword cane
• candy cornucopia
• candy egg deviler
• candy mailing list
• candy rations
• canteen of jungle juice
• carbonite visor
• caustic slime nodule
• cement shoes
• ceramic celery grater
• ceramic celsiturometer
• ceramic cenobite's robe
• ceramic centurion shield
• ceramic cerecloth belt
• ceramic cestus
• ceramic scree
• chalk chain
• chalk chalice
• chalk chapeau
• chalk chinos
• chalk chlamys
• chalk choker
• chalk chunks
• cheap wind-up clock
• cherry bomb
• chiffon carbage
• chiffon chakram
• chiffon chamberpot
• chiffon chapeau
• chiffon chaps
• chiffon chemise
• chiffon chevrons
• chocolate puppy
• clan underground fireworks shop
• class five ecto-larva
• closed-circuit pay phone
• clovermint
• club of corruption
• club sandwich
• coal paperweight
• coffee sprite
• cold medicine cabinet
• combat lover's locket
• combat lover's locket lockbox
• comfy blanket
• comfy pillow
• complex alien plant sample
• complex alien zoological sample
• complicated device
• consolation ribbon
• container of Spooky Putty
• cool iron breastplate
• cool iron greaves
• cool iron helmet
• cop dollar
• corked genie bottle
• corned-beef Reuben
• corroded breeches
• corrosive cowl
• corrupt club of corrupt corruption
• corrupt club of corruption
• cosmic bucket
• crappy Mer-kin mask
• crate of fish meat
• crated wardrobe-o-matic
• crazy bastard sword
• creepy-ass club
• crimbo elfling
• crude oil congealer
• crushed steamer trunk
• crusty hula hoop
• cup of "tea"
• cursed breeches
• cursed cutlass
• cursed eyepatch
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed microwave
• cursed monkey glove
• cursed monkey's paw
• cursed pony keg
• cursed ring finger ring
• custom avatar form
• damp old wallet
• dandy lion cub
• deactivated RoboGoose
• deactivated nanobots
• deanimated reanimator's coffin
• deed to Oliver's Place
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• demon makeup kit
• depleted uranium seal figurine
• designer sweatpants
• designer sweatpants (new old stock)
• detective roscoe
• detective school application
• diabolic pizza cube
• diabolical crossbow
• dice belt buckle
• dice ring
• dice sunglasses
• dice-print do-rag
• dice-print pajama pants
• dice-shaped backpack
• dirty bottlecap
• dirty martini
• discarded button
• disconnected intergnat
• disintegrating barrel
• distention pill
• doll-eye amulet
• dollar sign
• doppelshifter egg
• double-candied yams
• doubt cannon
• dreadful box
• dreadful fedora
• dreadful glove
• dreadful sweater
• dreaming Jung man
• drippy diadem
• drippy shield
• drippy snail shell
• dropped scrap of paper
• dungeon dragon chest
• dusty barrel
• dwarvish war kilt
• dwarvish war mattock
• egg gun
• eldritch tincture (depleted)
• electrician's hardhat
• elf sleeper agent
• ember egg
• embering hunk
• emo roe
• emotion chip
• empty Rain-Doh can
• enhanced signal receiver
• envelope full of Meat
• eternal car battery
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• evil-ass club
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• exploding cigar
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• fairy-worn boots
• familiar scrapbook
• fancy black tie
• fancy chess set
• fancy tophat
• fancy tuxedo pants
• fascinating alien plant sample
• fascinating alien zoological sample
• fear condenser
• feathered headdress
• fetus-smashing club
• fiberglass fannypack
• fiberglass fedora
• fiberglass fetish
• fiberglass fibers
• fiberglass fingerguard
• fiberglass foil
• fiberglass frock
• figurine of a charred seal
• figurine of a cold seal
• figurine of a cute baby seal
• figurine of a shadowy seal
• figurine of a sleek seal
• figurine of a slippery seal
• figurine of a stinking seal
• figurine of a wretched-looking seal
• figurine of an ancient seal
• figurine of an armored seal
• fire crackers
• fishy pipe
• fist turkey outline
• fistful of ashes
• flagstone fez
• flagstone flag
• flagstone flagments
• flagstone flail
• flagstone fleece
• flagstone flip-flops
• flagstone fringe
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming leaf crown
• flaming pink shirt
• fleshy lump
• flickering pixel
• floaty stone sphere
• flyest of shirts
• foam commodore's hat
• foam naval trousers
• foreign box
• fragile Christmas ornament
• frankincenser
• free-range mushroom
• fresh can of paint
• fresh coat of paint
• friendly cheez blob
• frigid derringer
• frigid-ass club
• frost-rimed seal hide
• funny paper hat
• fustulent seal grulch
• fuzzy bracelets
• fuzzy busby
• fuzzy montera
• gabardine gaiters
• gabardine garibaldi
• gabardine garland
• gabardine girdle
• gabardine gloves
• gabardine gunnysack
• gabardine smithereens
• gasmask
• gattoo
• gearbox necklace
• genie bottle
• ghost pencil
• ghost shawl
• giant free-range mushroom
• giant marshmallow
• ginger beer
• gingerbread gavel
• gingerbread moneybag
• gingerbread pistol
• gingerbread tophat
• gingerbread trousers
• gingerbread waistcoat
• glass of "milk"
• glass of raw eggs
• gloomy black mushroom
• glowing frisbee
• gold wedding ring
• golden monkey statuette
• golden pet rock
• golden sausage
• gory drippy orb
• governor's daughter's lace collar
• governor's daughter's pearl hairpin
• governor's daughter's petticoats
• grease cannon
• greedy ghostling
• green LavaCo Lamp™
• green candygram
• green traffic cone
• gregarious ghostling
• grey gosling
• grinning ghostling
• grisly shield
• grogtini
• grue egg omelette
• guild application
• haiku katana
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• hand-carved bow
• hand-carved staff
• hangman's hood
• haunted bindle
• haunted doghouse
• heart-shaped crate
• hemlock helm
• hemp backpack
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hewn moon-rune spoon
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hibernating robot reindeer
• high-end ginger wine
• hippo tutu
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• holiday smorgasbord
• holiday trip around the world
• homeless hobo spirit
• homemade robot
• hopeful candle
• hot-ass club
• house of twigs and spit
• house-sized mushroom
• hungover chauvinist pig
• hyperinflated seal lung
• hypnodisk
• ice baby
• ice pick
• ice sickle
• ice skates
• iceberglet
• imbued seal-blubber candle
• immense free-range mushroom
• in-the-box spring shoes
• indie comic hipster glasses
• industrial fire extinguisher
• industrial frosting
• infant sandworm
• inflammable leaf
• ingot of seal-iron
• interesting clod of dirt
• intergalactic pom poms
• intricate clockwork big hand
• intricate clockwork birdhouse
• intricate clockwork cuckoo
• intricate clockwork disc
• intricate clockwork little hand
• intricate clockwork numeral I
• intricate clockwork numeral II
• intricate clockwork numeral III
• intricate clockwork numeral IV
• intricate clockwork numeral IX
• intricate clockwork numeral V
• intricate clockwork numeral VI
• intricate clockwork numeral VII
• intricate clockwork numeral VIII
• intricate clockwork numeral X
• intricate clockwork numeral XI
• intricate clockwork numeral XII
• ittah bittah hookah
• jewel-eyed wizard hat
• jewelry-making pliers
• jitterbug larva
• jolly roger tattoo kit
• jug of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• kill screen
• kitten burglar
• labrador cookie
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• lavender candygram
• lawn dart
• leafy browns
• left half of a heart necklace
• left-handed melodica
• li'l ghost costume
• li'l orphan tot
• liar's pants
• little deuce cape
• little firkin
• llama lama cria
• locked mumming trunk
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loofah ladle
• loofah lavalier
• loofah lederhosen
• loofah legwarmers
• loofah lei
• loofah lumberjack's hat
• loofah lumps
• love
• lowercase a
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky Tam O'Shatner
• lucky army helmet
• lucky moai statuette
• lucky napkin
• lump of bauxite
• lustrous drippy orb
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• machine elf capsule
• magical pony: Dusk Shiny
• magical pony: Pearjack
• magical pony: Rosey Cake
• magical pony: Shutterfly
• magical pony: Spectrum Dash
• magical pony: Uniquity
• magical sausage
• makeshift castanets
• malevolent medallion
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Cursed Village
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Mystic Wood
• map to the Putrid Swamp
• map to the Skate Park
• map to the Sprawling Cemetery
• map to the Towering Mountains
• marble maebari
• marble magnet
• marble mantle
• marble mariachi hat
• marble medallion
• marble mignonette bowl
• marble molecules
• marinara jug
• mayfly bait necklace
• mechanically-mulled cider
• medium stone triangle
• meteorite earring
• meteorite fragment
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• mini kiwi egg
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature deck cannon
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniscule temporal rip
• mint condition Lil' Doctor™ bag
• mint condition magnifying glass
• mint-in-box Powerful Glove
• moaiball
• model train set
• moist barrel
• moist sack
• monstrous monocle
• moon-amber necklace
• moss mace
• moss mantle
• moss marlinspike
• moss medal
• moss megaphone
• moss mitre
• moss mulch
• mouldering barrel
• moveable feast
• mummified entombed cookbookbat
• mumming trunk
• murderbot memory chip
• musty moccasins
• myrrh pouch
• mysterious chest
• name change form
• nasty-ass club
• nativity shorts
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• navel ring of navel gazing
• neck wreath
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• newly-hatched mayonnaise wasp
• ninja pirate zombie robot
• normal barrel
• note from Clancy
• nylon Christmas stockings
• off-hand balloon
• oily golden mushroom
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• old school flying disc
• old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie
• one million meat pancakes
• optimal spreadsheet
• orange candygram
• orange glowstick
• orange traffic cone
• organ grinder
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• outrageous sombrero
• over-the-shoulder Folder Holder
• oyster egg balloon
• packaged Daylight Shavings Helmet
• packaged Everfull Dart Holster
• packaged June cleaver
• packaged Jurassic Parka
• packaged Pocket Professor
• packaged Roman Candelabra
• packaged backup camera
• packaged cold medicine cabinet
• packaged familiar scrapbook
• packaged industrial fire extinguisher
• packaged knock-off retro superhero cape
• packaged luxury garment
• packaged miniature crystal ball
• packaged model train set
• packet of beer seeds
• packet of dragon's teeth
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of mushroom spores
• packet of orchid seeds
• packet of pumpkin seeds
• packet of rock seeds
• packet of tall grass seeds
• packet of thanksgarden seeds
• packet of winter seeds
• panicked kernel
• pantogram
• paraffin palazzos
• paraffin pendant
• paraffin pieces
• paraffin pith helmet
• paraffin poncho
• paraffin pseudoaccordion
• paraffin punching bag
• paranormal ricotta
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• peace turkey outline
• perfect Christmas scarf
• perfectly fair coin
• perfectly ordinary frog
• pernicious cudgel
• personal raindrop
• personalized wassail stein
• phase-tuned shield generator belt
• photo booth sized crate
• pig-iron helm
• pig-iron shinguards
• pile of useless robot parts
• pilgrim shield
• pine cone necklace
• pink candygram
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• plans for depleted Grimacite grappling hook
• plans for depleted Grimacite hammer
• plans for depleted Grimacite ninja mask
• plastic pumpkin bucket
• plastic vampire fangs
• plexifoam chin strap
• plexiglass pants
• plexiglass pendant
• plexiglass pikestaff
• plexiglass pinky ring
• plexiglass pith helmet
• plexiglass pocketwatch
• plump free-range mushroom
• polyester pad
• polyester panama hat
• polyester parachute
• polyester peeler
• polyester pettipants
• polyester pulsera
• polyesterene powder
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• porcelain pelerine
• porcelain pepper mill
• porcelain phantom mask
• porcelain plus-fours
• porcelain police baton
• porcelain porkpie
• porcelain powder
• pork elf goodies sack
• portable Mayo Clinic
• portable pantogram
• potato jacket
• potted power plant
• potted tea tree
• powdered sealbone
• power seed
• praying Grim Brother
• pregnant gloomy black mushroom
• pregnant oily golden mushroom
• present
• pressurized potion of pneumaticity
• primitive alien loincloth
• primitive alien totem
• protonic accelerator pack
• psychoanalytic jar
• pumpkin spice whorl
• punch-drunk punch
• puppet strings
• purpleheart "pants"
• puzzling ribbon
• puzzling trophy
• pygmy bugbear shaman
• quantized familiar
• quantum disintegrator pistol
• quantum of familiar
• quasi-ethereal macaroni fragments
• raffle prize box
• raffle ticket
• ragged wool yarn
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• real cowboy hat
• record of infuriating silence (used)
• record of menacing silence (used)
• record of tranquil silence (used)
• recovered cufflinks
• red money bag
• red plumber's boots
• red rocket
• red traffic cone
• red wagon
• red-hot medallion
• red-spotted snapper roe
• redwood rain stick
• regret hose
• rehearsing dramatic hedgehog
• reliable sixgun
• repaid diaper
• replica bat-oomerang
• residual chitin paste
• rib of the Bonerdagon
• rickety old unicycle
• right half of a heart necklace
• right parenthesis
• ring
• rose-colored glasses
• rotting barrel
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rune-strewn spoon cocoon
• rusty chain necklace
• sane hatrack
• sangria del diablo
• sausage golem
• sawblade shield
• scintillating powder
• scrap of shadow
• sea-worn candlestick
• seal lube
• seal medal
• seal-blubber candle
• sealhide belt
• sealhide buckler
• sealhide cloak
• sealhide gloves
• sealhide hood
• sealhide leggings
• sealhide moccasins
• sealhide seal doll
• sealhide snare
• sealhide whip
• sealskin drum
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• secret from the future
• set of Unobtainium straps
• severed flipper
• shadow candle
• shadow chef's hat
• shadow hammer
• shadow hot dog
• shadow martini
• shadow monocle
• shadow needle
• shadow pill
• shadow trousers
• shimmering tendrils
• shortest-order cook
• shredded hellseal hide
• shrine to the Barrel god
• shrink-wrapped 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• shrink-wrapped Cincho de Mayo
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silver Dreadsylvanian flask
• silver sausage
• sinister ancient tablet
• sinistral homunculus
• sizzling seal fat
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• skull capacitor
• skull of the Bonerdagon
• sleeping patriotic eagle
• sleeping piano cat
• sleeping profane parrot
• slime-covered necklace
• slime-covered staff
• small Crimbo Pressie
• small stone triangle
• smoldering bagel punch
• smoldering box
• snakeskin thighboots
• snow belly
• snowman-enchanting tophat
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• sorority girl's box
• space planula
• space trooper helmet
• spaghetti breakfast
• spant egg casing
• spare chocolate parts
• spark plug earring
• sparkly engagement ring
• special edition Batfellow comic
• spinal-fluid-covered emotion chip
• spinning wheel
• spirit bell
• sponge cake
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spring shoes
• sprinkles
• squamous polyp
• squirming Slime larva
• squirmy violent party snack
• stained glass serape
• stained glass shards
• stained glass shield
• stained glass shiv
• stained glass spectacles
• stained glass stetson
• stained glass suspenders
• stainless steel scarf
• stainless steel shillelagh
• stainless steel skullcap
• stainless steel slacks
• stainless steel solitaire
• stainless steel suspenders
• standards and practices guide
• steaming evil
• steel knuckles
• still grill
• stinky cheese ball
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• stinky cheese wheel
• strange stone pyramid
• stray chihuahua
• stuffed "L"
• stuffed club
• stuffed dinosaur
• stuffed-shirt scarecrow
• styrofoam peanuts
• subscription cocoa dispenser
• sugar raygun
• superhero mask
• suspicious package
• suspicious stocking
• sweet nutcracker
• synthetic dog hair pill
• tabletop candy dispenser
• tainted seal's blood
• talisman of Seshat
• talkative skull
• talking spade
• tapped black lotus
• tattoo gun
• tattoo of two turkeys
• tearaway pants
• terra cotta tambourine
• terra cotta tidbits
• terra cotta tie tack
• terra cotta tongs
• terra cotta train
• terra cotta trousers
• terra cotta truss
• testy toolbox
• thermos of "whiskey"
• tie-dye headband
• tie-dyed fannypack
• tin rations
• tiny costume wardrobe
• tiny frozen prehistoric meteorite jawbreaker
• tiny plastic "Santa Claus"
• tiny plastic Colonel Brando
• tiny plastic Jedediah and Boiling Cloud
• tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny stillsuit
• topiary noseplugs
• torn hellseal sinew
• toy sixgun
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• trusty torch
• turchucken
• turtle pheromones
• turtling rod
• twitching trigger finger
• ultimate wad
• unbreakable umbrella
• undamaged Unbreakable Umbrella
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• unevolved organism
• unfinished ice sculpture
• uniclops egg
• unoccupied sheep suit
• unopened Bird-a-Day calendar
• unopened diabolic pizza cube box
• unopened tiny stillsuit
• unpowered Robortender
• untamable turtle
• untorn tearaway pants package
• unusual disco ball
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampire glitter
• vampyric cloake
• vampyric cloake pattern
• velour valise
• velour vambraces
• velour vaqueros
• velour veil
• velour veneer
• velour viscometer
• velour voulge
• vertebra of the Bonerdagon
• vesper
• villainous scythe
• voodoo doll
• wad of Crovacite
• warbear black box
• warbear empathy chip (used)
• wardrobe-o-matic
• washboard shield
• water-polo cap
• water-polo mitt
• wax lips
• weathered barrel
• webbed comic mask
• wedge of gray cheese
• weedy skirt
• western-style skinning knife
• white Dreadsylvanian
• white candygram
• white money bag
• white-label gin
• wicker clicker
• wicker kickers
• wicker knickers
• wicker slicker
• wicker sticker
• wicker ticker
• wickerbits
• wizard action figure
• wormwood wedding ring
• woven baling wire bracelets
• wrapped candy cane sword cane
• wrapping paper
• wrench bracelet
• wriggling worm
• wrought-iron flakes
• wrought-iron waders
• wrought-iron walker
• wrought-iron whisk
• wrought-iron widget
• wrought-iron wig
• wrought-iron winch crank
• wumpus-hair sweater
• xo-skeleton-in-a-box
• yam battery
• yellow candygram
• yellow puck
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow rocket
• yellow traffic cone
• your own black heart
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zombie accordion
• zombie mariachi hat
• zombie mariachi pants
• zombie monkey necklace