In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 2,126 short.

• Franken Stein
• "I survived Y2K" T-Shirt
• "caramel" orange
• 1 Meat
• 11-leaf clover
• 17-ball
• 18-picohertz resonator crystal
• 20-lb can of rice and beans
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• A Guide to Burning Leaves
• A Guide to Safari
• A. W. O. L. commendation
• Abuela Crimbo's special magnet
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer's Kit
• Alice's Army booster box
• Amulet of Perpetual Darkness
• Annual Ascot
• Apathargic Bandersnatch
• Apriling band helmet
• Arr, M80
• Arrow (+1)
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Asdon Martin keyfob (on ring)
• AutumnFest ale
• Azurite
• Baja sopapilla
• Banfoy's Boutique Order Form
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion cheese wheel
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Bastille Battalion control rig crate
• Bastille Battalion control rig loaner voucher
• Bastille Battalion tattoo kit
• Beach Comb
• Beach Comb Box
• Bee's Knees
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• Black and White Apron Enrollment Form
• Black and White Apron Meal Kit
• Bloodbath
• Boltsmann ID badge
• Book of Old-Timey Carols
• Booke of Vampyric Knowledge
• Boris's Helm
• Boris's beer
• Boris's bread
• Boulevardier cocktail
• Bowl of Infinite Jelly
• Boxing Day Pass
• Boxing Day care package
• Brandonian footlocker key
• Breathitin™
• Bugfinder Blade
• Build-a-City Gingerbread kit
• Buttery Boy
• CRIMBCO mug
• CRIMBCO scrip
• CRIMBCO wine
• Calzone of Legend
• Cargo Cultist Shorts
• Carol of the Bulls
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Champagne Shimmy
• Charleston Choo-Choo
• Charleston shoes
• Charter: Nellyville
• Chateau Mantegna room key
• Chef Boy, R&D's business card
• Cheshire Bitten
• Children's Meal of the Damned
• Christmas ham
• Chubby and Plump bar
• Cincho de Mayo
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge key
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan pool table
• Clan shower
• Clan speakeasy
• Cobra Bowl
• Cocktails of the Age of Sail
• Cocktails of the Age of Sail (used)
• Colera Peste Nebbiolo
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium (well-read)
• Congressional Medal of Insanity
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Covert Ops for Kids
• Covert Ops for Kids (used)
• Crimbeau de toilette
• Crimbo Carol tattoo kit
• Crimbo Cheer tattoo kit
• Crimbo Commerce tattoo kit
• Crimbo Factory surprise box
• Crimbo candle
• Crimbo cookie sheet
• Crimbo crystal shards
• Crimbo dinner
• Crimbo dog sweater
• Crimbo food scraps
• Crimbo hat
• Crimbo pants
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo sapling
• Crimbo smile
• Crimbo stocking
• Crimbo stockings
• Crimbo sword
• Crimbo tattoo kit
• Crimbo train emergency brake
• Crimbo training manual
• Crimbolex watch
• Crimbosmopolitan
• Crimbough
• Crimbow Rainbo
• Crimboysters Rockefeller
• Crimbuccaneer bombjacket
• Crimbuccaneer breeches
• Crimbuccaneer captain's purse
• Crimbuccaneer fledges (disintegrating)
• Crimbuccaneer fledges (mint)
• Crimbuccaneer flotsam
• Crimbuccaneer invasion map
• Crimbuccaneer lantern
• Crimbuccaneer mologrog cocktail
• Crimbuccaneer nose ring
• Crimbuccaneer piece of 12
• Crimbuccaneer premium booty sack
• Crimbuccaneer rigging lasso
• Crimbuccaneer runebone
• Crimbuccaneer shirt
• Crimbuccaneer squirtblunderbuss
• Crimbuccaneer tattoo gift certificate
• Crimbuccaneer tavern swab
• Crimbuccaneer tricorn
• Crimbuccaneer war standard
• Crimbuccaneer whale oil
• Crimbylow-rise jeans
• Crown of Thrones
• DIY protonic accelerator kit
• Dad's brandy
• Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Dark Jill-of-All-Trades
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Deactivated MiniMechaElf
• Dear Past Self Package
• Deck of Every Card
• Deep Dish of Legend
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Dickory Farms Gift Basket
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Distant Woods Getaway Brochure
• Doc's Fortifying Wine
• Doc's Limbering Wine
• Doc's Medical-Grade Wine
• Doc's Smartifying Wine
• Doc's Special Reserve Wine
• Doll Moll violin case
• Dolph Bossin's Crimbo hat
• Dolph Bossin's charity note
• Dreadsylvania Auditor's badge
• Dreadsylvanian hemlock
• Dreadsylvanian shepherd's pie
• Drip Institute petri dish
• Drip harness
• Driplet
• Dripwood slab
• Drunkula's bell
• Drunkula's ring of haze
• Drunkula's wineglass
• Dungeon Fist gauntlet
• Easter eggnog
• Easter grasshopper
• Ed the Undying exhibit crate
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Electric Punch
• Elf Army machine parts
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Culinary Arts
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Culinary Arts (used)
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Extortion
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Extortion (used)
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Wilderness Sleeping
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Wilderness Sleeping (used)
• Elf Guard MPC
• Elf Guard SCUBA tank
• Elf Guard broom
• Elf Guard clipboard
• Elf Guard commandeering gloves
• Elf Guard eyedrops
• Elf Guard fuel tank
• Elf Guard hangover cure
• Elf Guard honor present
• Elf Guard hotpants
• Elf Guard insignia (general)
• Elf Guard insignia (private)
• Elf Guard mouthknife
• Elf Guard officer's sidearm
• Elf Guard patrol cap
• Elf Guard payroll bag
• Elf Guard red and white beret
• Elf Guard safety bear
• Elf Guard squirtgun
• Elf Guard strategic map
• Elf Guard temporary (permanent) tattoo
• Elf Guard tinsel grenade
• Elf Guard war standard
• Elvish underarmor
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Essence of Annoyance
• Everfull Dart Holster
• Extrovermectin™
• Eye Agate
• Eye and a Twist
• FDKOL commendation
• FDKOL tattoo
• FantasyRealm tattoo kit
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• Finnish Fish
• First Post shirt - Cir Senam
• First Post shirt package
• Flag by the Foot™
• Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Accessory
• Fleshazole™
• Flivver
• Fly-By-Knight Heraldry form
• Folder Holder
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• French-Transylvanian Dictionary
• GameInformPowerDailyPro subscription card
• General Assembly Module
• Ghiaccio Colada
• Giant black monolith
• God Lobster Egg
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Accessory
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Goodfella contract
• Gordon Beer's Beer Garden Catalog
• Granny Tood's Thanksgarden Catalog
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire
• Great S-Cape
• Great Wolf's beastly trousers
• Great Wolf's rocket launcher
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite Bock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite garter
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Grumpy Bumpkin's Pumpkin Seed Catalog
• Guzzlr application
• Guzzlr cocktail set
• Guzzlr hat
• Guzzlr pants
• Guzzlr shoes
• Guzzlr souvenir stein
• Guzzlr tablet
• Guzzlr tattoo kit
• Guzzlrbuck
• Gygaxian Libram
• HOA citation pad
• HOA regulation book
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Helps-You-Sleep
• Hodgman's imaginary hamster
• Holiday Multitasking
• Holiday Multitasking (used)
• Homebodyl™
• Hot Socks
• Hotwire™ brand candy rope
• How to Hold a Grudge
• How to Lose Friends and Attract Snakes
• How to Lose Friends and Attract Snakes (used)
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games (used)
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Irish eggnog
• Ish Kabibble
• Island Drinkin', a Tiki Mixology Odyssey
• Island Hurricane
• Island Landslide
• Island Thunderstorm
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• Jamaican coffee
• January's Garbage Tote
• January's Garbage Tote (unopened)
• Jarlsberg's pan
• Jarlsberg's vegetable soup
• Jekyllin hide belt
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• June cleaver
• Junior Adventurer's kit
• Junior LAAAAME merit badge
• Jurassic Parka
• Kelflar vest
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• Kremlin's Greatest Briefcase
• LARP carp
• LED candle
• LI-11 Motor Pool voucher
• LIDAR candle
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• Lapis Lazuli
• Law of Averages
• Leapin' Trousers
• Left-Hand Man action figure
• Letter from Carrie Bradshaw
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Candy Heart Summoning
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Love Songs
• Libram of Resolutions
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Lil' Snowball Factory
• Living to Drink, Drinking to Live
• Loathing Idol Microphone
• Loathing Idol Microphone (25% charged)
• Loathing Idol Microphone (50% charged)
• Loathing Idol Microphone (75% charged)
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion can opener
• Loathing Legion chainsaw
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion hammer
• Loathing Legion helicopter
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion knife
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lucky Lindy
• MAHI fez
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit
• Mallomarbles
• Manual of Lock Picking
• Manual of Secret Door Detection
• Manual of Transcendent Olfaction
• March hat
• Marltini
• Marvelous Unitard
• MayDay™ contract
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayam spinach
• Mayflower bouquet
• Mayor Ghost's gavel
• Mayor Ghost's sash
• McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning
• Meat Butler
• Meatcleaver
• Mer-kin cookiestove
• Mer-kin eyedrops
• Mer-kin rollpin
• Middle of the Road™ brand whiskey
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mmm-brr! brand mouthwash
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Mr. Accessaturday
• Mr. Accessory
• Mr. Big's Wallet
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Eh?
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Shirt
• Mrs. Rush
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• Mu
• Murgatroyd diode
• My First Art of War
• My First Paycheck envelope
• My Life of Crime, a Memoir
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• Mysterious Stranger
• N. O. Beer
• Napalm In The Morning™ candle
• Never Don't Stop Not Striving
• Neverending Party favor
• Neverending Party guest pass
• Neverending Party invitation envelope
• New-You Club Membership Form
• Newbiesport™ backpack
• Nog-on-the-Cob
• Official Seal of Dreadsylvania
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Oopsie IPA
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Otorian Battle Scar
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• PARTY HARD T-shirt
• PB&J with the crusts cut off
• Pack of Every Card
• Panda outfit
• Para-Pop
• Party Planning on a Budget
• Party Tattoo™ gift certificate
• Party-in-a-Can™
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Pete & Jackie's Dragon Tooth Emporium Catalog
• Pete's rich ricotta
• Pete's wiley whey bar
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• PirateRealm guest pass
• PirateRealm membership packet
• PirateRealm party hat
• Pizza of Legend
• Platinum HP-35 Calculator
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card
• Pneumo bar
• Pocket Guide to Mild Evil
• Pocket Guide to Mild Evil (used)
• Pocket Meteor Guide
• Pocket Professor memory chip
• Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them
• Powerful Glove
• Professor of Spelunkology
• Purple Beast energy drink
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Quiets-Your-Steps
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Antenna Ball
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Rainbow's Gravity
• Recipe of Before Yore: Boris's beer
• Recipe of Before Yore: Boris's bread
• Recipe of Before Yore: Calzone of Legend
• Recipe of Before Yore: Deep Dish of Legend
• Recipe of Before Yore: Jarlsberg's vegetable soup
• Recipe of Before Yore: Pete's rich ricotta
• Recipe of Before Yore: Pete's wily whey bar
• Recipe of Before Yore: Pizza of Legend
• Recipe of Before Yore: St. Pete's sneaky smoothie
• Recipe of Before Yore: baked veggie ricotta
• Recipe of Before Yore: honey bun of Boris
• Recipe of Before Yore: plain calzone
• Recipe of Before Yore: ratatouille de Jarlsberg
• Recipe of Before Yore: roasted vegetable focaccia
• Recipe of Before Yore: roasted vegetable of J.
• Red Roger tattoo kit
• Red Roger's red left foot
• Red Roger's red left hand
• Red Roger's red right foot
• Red Roger's red right hand
• Red Roger's reliquary
• Red Roger's skull
• Red Russian
• Rethinking Candy
• Retrospecs
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Rock Garden Guide
• Roman Candelabra
• Royal scepter
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• S.I.T. Course Voucher
• SalesCo sample kit
• Salsa Caliente™ candle
• Satan hat
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Scent of a Human™ candle
• Schmalz's First Prize Beer
• School of Hard Knocks Diploma
• Scorpion Bowl
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Scurvy and Sobriety Prevention
• Sealed TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Seasonal Beret
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters (used)
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Septapus summoning charm
• Seven Loco
• Sexy Cosmo
• Shantix™
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Sister Accessory
• Site Alpha ID badge
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Skipper's accordion
• Skull Punch
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Small Medium
• Smoldering Clover™ candle
• Smuggler's Punch
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket
• Snow Suit
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Sorcerers of the Shore Grimoire
• Source terminal
• Sourfinger
• Southern yam
• Souvenir Chopsticks
• Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts
• Spacegate access badge
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Spirit of Christmas
• Spirit of Easter
• Spirit of St. Patrick's Day
• Spirit of Thanksgiving
• Spirit of Veteran's Day
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• Spooky Putty sheet
• Spooky Putty snake
• Spooky VHS Tape
• Spring Bros. ID badge
• Spring Bros. solenoid
• St. Pete's sneaky smoothie
• St. Sneaky Pete's Day goodies basket
• St. Sneaky Pete's Whey
• Staff of Frozen Lard
• Staff of Kitchen Royalty
• Staff of the Peppermint Twist
• Staff of the Roaring Hearth
• Staff of the Woodfire
• Star of Bravery
• Steamboat
• Strong, Silent Type
• Stupid University Diploma
• Superhero Reboots
• Swedish coffee
• TRIO cup of beer
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Tales of the Word Realms
• Talisman of Baio
• Talisman of Bakula
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• Thanksgiving ration
• The Beast Within™ candle
• The Big Book of Every Skill
• The Confiscator's Grimoire
• The Encyclopedia of Fruit
• The Encyclopedia of Fruit (used)
• The Eye of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Imploded World
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Necbronomicon
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6 (used)
• The Nose Knows, A Guide to Smells
• The Nose Knows, A Guide to Smells (read)
• The Smith's Tome
• The Spirit of Giving
• The Spirit of Giving (used)
• The Superconductor's CPU
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thwaitgold Illinigina illinoiensis model
• Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette
• Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold buzzy beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold fairyfly statue
• Thwaitgold fire beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold harvestman statuette
• Thwaitgold keyhole spider statuette
• Thwaitgold listening bug statuette
• Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito-in-amber statuette
• Thwaitgold nymph statuette
• Thwaitgold protozoa statuette
• Thwaitgold quantum bug statuette
• Thwaitgold shield bug statuette
• Thwaitgold slug statuette
• Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold wolf spider statuette
• Tickle-Me Emilio
• Time Juice
• Time Lord Badge of Honor
• Time-Spinner
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Clip Art
• Tome of Rad Libs
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Too Cold to Hold: How to Be Cool - A Memoir
• Too Cold to Hold: How to Be Cool - A Memoir (read)
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Trainbot autoassembly module
• Trainbot circuitry
• Trainbot harness
• Trainbot linkages
• Trainbot luggage hook
• Trainbot optics
• Trainbot plating
• Trainbot radar monocle
• Trainbot servomotors
• Trainbot slag
• Trainbot tubing
• Travoltan trousers
• Truthsayer
• Turtle Bowl
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Uncle Crimbo's Sack
• Underworld acorn
• Underworld flail
• Underworld sapling
• Underworld truncheon
• Underworld trunk
• Unionize The Elves sign
• Universal Seasoning
• Unkillable Skeleton's shield
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• V for Vivala mask
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Valentine's Day cake
• Vegetable of Jarlsberg
• Velougats™
• Velvet Veil
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warehouse 23 crate
• Witchess Set
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xi Receiver Unit
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeast of Boris
• Yeg's Motel alarm clock
• Yeg's Motel ashtray
• Yeg's Motel disposable razor
• Yeg's Motel hand soap
• Yeg's Motel minibar key
• Yeg's Motel mouthwash
• Yeg's Motel pillow mint
• Yeg's Motel sewing kit
• Yeg's Motel stationery
• Yeg's Motel toothbrush
• Yeti Protest Sign
• Yuleviathan necklace
• [glitch season reward name]
• [reuse me]
• a bug's lymph
• a cute angel
• a suspicious address
• absentee voter ballot
• abyssal battle plans
• actual blood sausage
• adobe abacus
• adobe abaya
• adobe adze
• adobe arsecover
• adobe ascot
• adobe assortment
• adobe ayam
• adobe brittle
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: Dinseylandfill
• airplane charter: Spring Break Beach
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• airplane charter: The Glaciest
• alabaster bishop
• alabaster king
• alabaster knight
• alabaster pawn
• alabaster queen
• alabaster rook
• anchor bomb
• ancient Elf dessert spoon
• ancient meat
• ancient redwood
• anemoney clip
• angry agate
• annealed drippy orb
• anniversary pewter cape
• anti-burn cream
• anti-creep cream
• anti-freeze cream
• anti-goosebump cream
• anti-odor cream
• anti-pain cream
• antique Canadian lantern
• antique beer
• antique nutcracker beard
• antique nutcracker boots
• antique nutcracker cape
• antique nutcracker drumstick
• antique nutcracker epaulets
• antique nutcracker figurine
• antique nutcracker hat
• antique nutcracker pants
• antique nutcracker sword
• antique nutcracker waistcoat
• arcanoferric housing
• archaeologing shovel
• arrow'd heart balloon
• arse-shooting crossbow
• astral badger
• astronaut ice-cream
• august scepter
• automa-bot parts
• automatic wine thief
• autumn breeze
• autumn dollar
• autumn leaf
• autumn years wisdom
• autumn-spice donut
• autumnal aegis
• autumnic balm
• autumnic bomb
• avatar of the Unconscious Collective
• aviator goggles
• baby camelCalf
• baby chest mimic
• baby rigging snake
• backup camera
• bacteria bisque
• bag of Iunion stones
• bag of sausage links
• bagged Cargo Cultist Shorts
• baked veggie ricotta casserole
• balanced antler
• balsam barrel
• banana candle
• banana split
• banana-frosted king cake
• bar of freeze-dried water
• barnacle-encrusted sweater
• barrel-aged eggnog
• basking robin
• bat wings
• bath ball gift set
• battery (9-Volt)
• battery (AA)
• battery (AAA)
• battery (D)
• battery (car)
• battery (lantern)
• bauxite beret
• bauxite bow-tie
• bauxite boxers
• beaver punch (cherry)
• beaver punch (papaya)
• beaver punch (peach)
• beavermouth
• beet
• beetle antenna
• beggin' cologne
• bejazzled eyepatch
• best joke ever
• big hot pepper
• big ol' trophy
• birdybug antenna
• birthday candle
• black Crimbo ball
• black slime glob
• blank note
• blank white card
• blood roll-up
• blood snowcone
• blood-soaked sponge cake
• bloodstick
• blown-out speaker cone
• blue glowstick
• blue money bag
• blue plate
• blue ribbon
• blue rocket
• blue traffic cone
• blueberry muffin
• blueberry-frosted king cake
• body spradium
• bodyguard badge
• bodyslam
• boiling broth
• boiling hot cocoa
• bolder boulder
• bone broth
• book of facts
• book of facts (dog-eared)
• boot flask
• boot plant
• booze bindle
• booze drive button
• booze mailing list
• bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon
• bottle of Crimbognac
• bottle of Sanguiovese
• bottle of dark rhum
• bottle of extra-dark rhum
• bottle of lovebug pheromones
• bottle of sea wine
• bottle of super-extra-dark rhum
• bottle-rocket crossbow
• bottled Vampire Vintner
• bottled green pixie
• bowl full of jelly
• bowl of mernudo
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• bowl of prescription candy
• box o' ghosts
• box of Gratitude chocolates
• boxed Apriling band helmet
• boxed Mayam Calendar
• boxed Sept-Ember Censer
• boxed august scepter
• boxed autumn-aton
• boxed bat wings
• boxed gumball machine
• bran muffin
• bread man
• bread pie
• brown pirate pants
• buñuelos Jaliscos
• bucket of ancient Vampyre blood
• bug juice
• bugbear-smiting sword
• bulky free-range mushroom
• bullet necklace
• bunch of sea grapes
• bundle of firewood
• burnt stick
• cabooze
• calm attention-deficit demon
• campfire baked potato
• campfire beans
• campfire coffee
• campfire hot dog
• campfire s'more
• campfire smoke
• campfire stew
• can of Rain-Doh
• can of mixed everything
• candied almond
• candied beef and cabbage
• candied lime
• candy cane sword cane
• candy chalk
• candy drive button
• candy egg deviler
• candy harmonica
• candy mailing list
• candy rations
• cannonbomb
• canteen of eggnog
• canteen of jungle juice
• carbonite visor
• carnivorous potted plant
• carrot cake precipice bar
• cartoon harpoon
• cat o' nine teeth
• cement shoes
• ceramic celery grater
• ceramic celsiturometer
• ceramic cenobite's robe
• ceramic centurion shield
• ceramic cerecloth belt
• ceramic cestus
• ceramic scree
• chalk chain
• chalk chalice
• chalk chapeau
• chalk chinos
• chalk chlamys
• chalk choker
• chalk chunks
• cherry bomb
• chest of "pirate gold"
• chiffon carbage
• chiffon chakram
• chiffon chamberpot
• chiffon chapeau
• chiffon chaps
• chiffon chemise
• chiffon chevrons
• chiffon lemon
• chili powder cutlass
• chitin powder
• chitin powder paste
• chocolate chip muffin
• chocolate covered ping-pong ball
• chocolate ostrich egg
• chocolate-covered loofah
• chocolate-frosted king cake
• chocomotive
• ciliophora chowder
• cinnamon machine oil
• clan underground fireworks shop
• class five ecto-larva
• claw-held flag
• clear Russian
• clerical automa-core
• cloning kit
• closed-circuit pay phone
• closed-circuit phone system
• clovermint
• coal paperweight
• cocoa of youth
• coffee sprite
• cold medicine cabinet
• colossal free-range mushroom
• combat lover's locket
• combat lover's locket lockbox
• comfy blanket
• complicated device
• concentrated cooking
• concentrated fish broth
• coney haunch
• conquistador's breastplate
• consolation ribbon
• container of Spooky Putty
• cookbookbat book
• cool hot cocoa
• cool mint precipice bar
• coping juice
• corned beet
• cosmetic football
• cosmic bucket
• cozy scarf
• crabsicle
• cranberry margarita (brackish)
• crated wardrobe-o-matic
• crazy bastard sword
• cream of chloroplasts
• crimbo elfling
• crumbling rat skull
• crunchy brush
• crystal Crimbo goblet
• crystal Crimbo platter
• crystallized pumpkin spice
• cup of "tea"
• cursed Aztec tamale
• cursed chocolate doubloon
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed microwave
• cursed monkey glove
• cursed monkey's paw
• cursed pirate cutlass
• cursed pony keg
• cursed swash buckle
• cursed tricorn hat
• custom avatar form
• cyan seashell
• daddy shortlegs leg
• dandy lion cub
• dark chocolate egg
• day shortener
• deactivated mini-Trainbot
• deck of lewd playing cards
• deed to Oliver's Place
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• deluxe Neverending Party favor
• denim jacket
• depleted Crimbonium football helmet
• designer sweatpants
• designer sweatpants (new old stock)
• detective school application
• deviled candy egg
• diabolic pizza cube
• dirty martini
• disconnected intergnat
• distilled resin
• donated booze
• donated candy
• donated food
• doppelshifter egg
• dorky glasses
• double daisy
• double-candied yams
• dreaming Jung man
• dregs of a Crimbo cocktail
• drink chit
• drippy bezoar
• drippy bromide
• drippy candy bar
• drippy caviar
• drippy diadem
• drippy enzyme
• drippy flux
• drippy grub
• drippy ichor
• drippy khakis
• drippy nugget
• drippy orb
• drippy pigment
• drippy pilsner
• drippy plum(?)
• drippy salt
• drippy seed
• drippy shield
• drippy snail shell
• drippy staff
• drippy stake
• drippy stein
• drippy truncheon
• drive-thru burger
• dromedary drinking helmet
• dusty bottle of blood
• ear candle
• earthenware muffin tin
• egg gun
• eggwater
• elbow soup
• electric mushroom
• electric pants
• electronic Brain Trainer game
• electronics kit
• elf army field rations
• elf sleeper agent
• ember egg
• embering hunk
• emergency glowstick
• emo roe
• emotion chip
• empty Rain-Doh can
• empty hourglass
• energized spores
• enhanced signal receiver
• envelope full of Meat
• ert grey goo ring
• etched hourglass
• everfull glass
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• evil noodles
• evil paper umbrella
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• expired MRE
• extra DNA
• extra ooze
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• extra time
• extra-grubby grub
• extra-hard jawbreaker
• extra-strength goo
• familiar scrapbook
• fancy chess set
• fancy party pants
• festive egg sac
• festive sausage
• fettucini épines Inconnu recipe
• fetus-smashing club
• filled mosquito
• fire ant pheromones
• fire crackers
• fire-roasted lake trout
• fish sauce
• fishcake
• fishelada
• fistful of wood shavings
• five-fingered fern resin
• fixodent
• flagellate flagon
• flagellate soup
• flagstone fez
• flagstone flag
• flagstone flagments
• flagstone flail
• flagstone fleece
• flagstone flip-flops
• flagstone fringe
• flame orb
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming leaf crown
• flan del mar
• flapper fly
• flask of egggrog
• flask of moonshine
• fleshy putty
• flickering pixel
• flimsy hardwood scraps
• floaty stone sphere
• flour cookie
• food drive button
• food mailing list
• foreign box
• forest canopy bed
• fortifying hot cocoa
• four-leaf potato sprout
• fragile Christmas ornament
• frankincenser
• free boots
• free-range mushroom
• freightcake
• fresh can of paint
• fresh coat of paint
• fried air
• frost-rimed desk bell
• frozen tofu pop
• fruit bat
• fruit-stuffed rumcake
• fruity pebble
• funny paper hat
• fuzzy bracelets
• fuzzy polar bear ears
• gaffer's tape
• gas can
• gasmask
• gator shades
• genie bottle
• ghostly ectoplasm
• giant free-range mushroom
• gilded trumpet
• gingerbread nylons
• gingerbread pirate
• gingernade
• glass of "milk"
• glass of drippy wine
• glass of raw eggs
• glob of extra-green chlorophyll
• glob of salty molasses
• glob of undifferentiated tissue
• goblin bone hilt
• goblin collarbone
• gold skull ring
• golden fleece
• golden monkey statuette
• golden pet rock
• golden sausage
• goo magnet
• goodberry
• gooey drippy candy bar
• googly chest eyes
• gooified animal matter
• gooified mineral matter
• gooified vegetable matter
• gory drippy orb
• government booze shipment
• government candy shipment
• government food shipment
• government per-diem
• government requisition form
• government-issued candy
• government-issued eyeshade
• government-issued necktie
• government-issued slacks
• governor's daughter's lace collar
• governor's daughter's pearl hairpin
• governor's daughter's petticoats
• grain of sand
• gravy skin
• gravyskin buckler
• gravyskin hat
• gravyskin pants
• gravyskin skirt
• gray seashell
• greasy desk bell
• greedy ghostling
• green and red bean
• green glowstick
• green marshmallow
• green seashell
• green slime glob
• green traffic cone
• gregarious ghostling
• grey down vest
• grey gosling
• grilled mooseflank
• grinning ghostling
• grog nuts
• groggipop
• groggles
• grogtini
• groveling gravel
• grubby wool
• grubby wool beerwarmer
• grubby wool gloves
• grubby wool hat
• grubby wool scarf
• grubby wool trousers
• grubby woolball
• guffin
• guild application
• guilty sprout
• gunwale
• gunwale whalegun
• haemolymphnode
• half-digested rat
• half-height cigar
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• hand-crafted candy cane
• hand-knitted Crimbo socks
• hand-knitted diving booties
• handful of Boltsmann bearings
• handful of split pea soup
• handful of toilet paper
• hangman's hood
• hard cocoa
• hard rock
• hardening cream
• harpoon
• haunted Hell ramen
• haunted bottle of vodka
• haunted cherry pie
• haunted doghouse
• haunted eggnog
• haunted gimlet
• haunted martini
• haunted orange
• haunted pizza
• head of emberg lettuce
• head-mounted Trainbot
• heart-shaped crate
• hemlock helm
• hemp backpack
• hermedisiac cologne
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hewn moon-rune spoon
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hibernating robot reindeer
• hibiscus petal
• hippo tutu
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• holiday cheese log
• holiday smorgasbord
• holiday trip around the world
• hollow rock
• homeless hobo spirit
• honey bun of Boris
• honey-drenched ham slice
• hopeful candle
• hot cocoa au beurre
• hot cocoa with rainbow marshmallows
• hot watered rum
• hot wine
• hourglass
• house-sized mushroom
• housekeeping automa-core
• huge Crimbo cookie
• huge mint leaf
• human musk
• hungover chauvinist pig
• hypnodisk
• ice baby
• ice pick
• iceberglet
• icing poncho
• immense free-range mushroom
• imported lemon lozenge
• imported taffy
• in-the-box spring shoes
• incredibly dense meat gem
• indie comic hipster glasses
• industrial fire extinguisher
• industrial lubricant
• industrially-crushed ice
• infant sandworm
• infernal snowball
• inflammable leaf
• intact anemone spike
• intact medium-wave antenna
• intergalactic pom poms
• interrogative elixir
• jam band bootleg
• jar of magical relish
• jewel-eyed wizard hat
• jitterbug larva
• jolly roger tattoo kit
• jug of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• kelp
• kelp-holly drape
• kelp-holly gun
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• kilopede skull
• kitten burglar
• lab-grown meat
• large pile of sand
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• latte lovers club card
• latte lovers member's mug
• leafy browns
• leftover chocolate bar
• leg-mounted Trainbots
• li'l orphan tot
• liar's pants
• licorice snake
• lip soup
• liquid SONAR
• lit leaf lasso
• livid energy
• llama lama cria
• locked mumming trunk
• lodestone
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loofah ladle
• loofah lavalier
• loofah lederhosen
• loofah legwarmers
• loofah lei
• loofah lumberjack's hat
• loofah lumps
• loose blade
• lost elf luggage
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky Tam O'Shatner
• lucky army helmet
• lucky gold ring
• lucky moai statuette
• lucky napkin
• lucky rabbitfish fin
• lump of bauxite
• lump of loyal latite
• lustrous drippy orb
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• machine elf capsule
• magenta seashell
• magical sausage
• magical sausage casing
• mana-basted tofurkey leg
• mana-coated yams
• mana-fortified cranberry sauce
• mana-stuffed herbal stuffing
• mantis skull
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to a candy-rich block
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Skate Park
• marble maebari
• marble magnet
• marble mantle
• marble mariachi hat
• marble medallion
• marble mignonette bowl
• marble molecules
• marshmallow bomb
• marshroom
• martiny
• massive wrench
• meatball
• meatball machine
• mechanically-mulled cider
• medium stone triangle
• melty plastic grenade
• mesquito proboscis
• messenger bag RNA
• meteorite earring
• meteorite fragment
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• micronova
• milestone
• military candy cane
• military orb
• military-grade peppermint oil
• mini kiwi
• mini kiwi aioli
• mini kiwi antimilitaristic hippy petition
• mini kiwi bikini
• mini kiwi digitized cookies
• mini kiwi egg
• mini kiwi icepick
• mini kiwi illicit antibiotic
• mini kiwi intoxicating spirits
• mini kiwi invisible dirigible
• mini kiwi silicon tiepin
• mini kiwi tipi
• mini kiwi whipping stick
• mini kiwi-flavored aspirin-injecting lipstick
• mini kiwitini
• miniature Embering Hulk
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature goose mask
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniature stuffed Goth Giant
• miniscule temporal rip
• mint condition Lil' Doctor™ bag
• mint condition magnifying glass
• mint-in-box Powerful Glove
• moai toai
• moaiball
• model train set
• moist Crimbo spices
• molehill mountain
• mooseflank
• moosemeat pie
• moss floss
• moss mace
• moss mantle
• moss marlinspike
• moss medal
• moss megaphone
• moss mitre
• moss mulch
• mostly-empty bottle of cookie wine
• mother's necklace
• motivational poster
• moveable feast
• mulled blood
• mulled wine
• multi-level marzipan
• mummified entombed cookbookbat
• mumming trunk
• muscular soup
• mushroom filet
• mushroom slab
• mushroom tea
• mushroom whiskey
• muskox-skin cap
• mutant arm
• mutant crown
• mutant legs
• mutated candy lump
• myrrh pouch
• name change form
• nasty desk bell
• nativity shorts
• natural magick candle
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• nauseating reagent
• navel ring of navel gazing
• ncle leg
• neck wreath
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• neverending wallet chain
• nice warm beer
• non-Euclidean angle
• note from Clancy
• noticeable pumps
• nutcracking pliers
• nylon Christmas stockings
• off-hand balloon
• officer's nog
• ojo de pez burrito
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie
• old-school pirate grog
• oldcake
• one million meat pancakes
• one piece of bubble gum
• onyx bishop
• onyx king
• onyx knight
• onyx pawn
• onyx queen
• onyx rook
• orange glowstick
• orange slime glob
• orange traffic cone
• organ grinder
• organic potpourri
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• out-of-work circus flea
• overflowing gift basket
• overloaded Yule battery
• overloaded short-pulse transistor
• overly-fancy hot cocoa
• oversized ice molecule
• oxygenated eggnog helmet
• packaged Daylight Shavings Helmet
• packaged Everfull Dart Holster
• packaged June cleaver
• packaged Jurassic Parka
• packaged Pocket Professor
• packaged Roman Candelabra
• packaged SpinMaster™ lathe
• packaged backup camera
• packaged cold medicine cabinet
• packaged familiar scrapbook
• packaged industrial fire extinguisher
• packaged knock-off retro superhero cape
• packaged luxury garment
• packaged miniature crystal ball
• packaged model train set
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of mushroom spores
• packet of rock seeds
• packet of tall grass seeds
• paint palette
• pantogram
• paraffin palazzos
• paraffin pendant
• paraffin pieces
• paraffin pith helmet
• paraffin poncho
• paraffin pseudoaccordion
• paraffin punching bag
• paranormal ricotta
• party balloon
• party beer bomb
• party crasher
• party mouse hat
• party platter for one
• party pup
• party whip
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• patch of extra-warm fur
• pea brittle
• peace shooter
• peace turkey outline
• peasco sour
• peaza
• pebble of proud pyrite
• pegfinger
• pentagram bandana
• peppermint bomb
• peppermint donut
• peppermint eel sauce
• peppermint harpoon gun
• peppermint pegleg
• peppermint spine
• peppermint syrup
• peppermint tack
• peppermint-scented socks
• perfect Christmas scarf
• perfectly ordinary frog
• personal raindrop
• personalizable gingerbread cookie
• personalized wassail stein
• pet anchor
• petrified time
• pewter shavings
• photo booth sized crate
• pickled bread
• piece of cake
• piece of coral
• piece of driftwood
• pile of Trainbot parts
• pile of gritty sand
• pile of sand
• pile of smoking rags
• pineapple slab
• ping-pong ball
• ping-pong paddle
• pink glowstick
• piranha pollen
• pirate encryption key (complete)
• pirate encryption key alpha
• pirate encryption key bravo
• pirate encryption key charlie
• pirate encryption key delta
• pirate fork
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• pirate radio ring
• pirate shaving cream
• piratical blunderbuss
• pirrrate's currrse
• pixel bread
• pixel rock
• pixel whiskey
• plain calzone
• plain candy cane
• plain snowcone
• plastic bazooka
• plastic doll arms
• plastic doll legs
• plastic piranha pot
• plastic pirate hat
• plexifoam chin strap
• plump free-range mushroom
• plush sea serpent
• poisonsettia
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• poncho de azucar
• ponytail clip
• pool shark hair oil
• portable dam
• portable housekeeping robot
• portable pantogram
• portable ping-pong table
• portable steam unit
• potato alarm clock
• potato jacket
• potted power plant
• powdered madness
• powdered powdered sugar
• power seed
• prank Crimbo card
• praying Grim Brother
• precision snowball
• prescription teeth whitener
• present
• pressurized potion of possessiveness
• primitive alien blowgun
• primitive alien necklace
• primitive alien spear
• primitive alien totem
• primitive candy cane
• pristine piranha seed
• pristine walrus tusk
• pro skateboard
• profane eye patch
• prohie's hat
• projectile chemistry set
• proto-proto-protozoa
• protogenetic chunklet (elbow)
• protogenetic chunklet (flagellum)
• protogenetic chunklet (lips)
• protogenetic chunklet (muscle)
• protogenetic chunklet (synapse)
• protonic accelerator pack
• prototype stimulant
• pump-up high-tops
• pumpkin spice whorl
• punch-drunk punch
• punching mirror
• purple glowstick
• purpleheart "pants"
• purpleheart logs
• puzzling ribbon
• puzzling trophy
• pygmy bugbear shaman
• quantized familiar
• quantized familiar experience
• quantum of familiar
• quantum watch
• quasi-ethereal macaroni fragments
• raffle prize box
• raffle ticket
• ragged wool yarn
• rainbow glitter candle
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• rare oboe
• ratatouille de Jarlsberg
• ratty knitted cap
• real cowboy hat
• really nice lump of coal
• really nice net
• red and white claret
• red coin
• red money bag
• red plumber's boots
• red rocket
• red traffic cone
• red white and blue claret
• red-and-green microcamera
• red-hot medallion
• red-hot sausage fork
• red-soled high heels
• red-spotted snapper roe
• redwood rain stick
• refurbished air fryer
• rehearsing dramatic hedgehog
• repaid diaper
• replica Elf Guard medal
• replica Ten Dollars
• research fragment
• residual chitin paste
• ribbon candy ascot
• rigging knot
• ring
• roasted vegetable focaccia
• roasted vegetable of Jarlsberg
• room scale green bean casserole
• rose-colored glasses
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rubber baby doll
• rubber doll body
• rubber doll head
• rum ball
• rum-soaked fruitcake
• rune-strewn spoon cocoon
• runny fermented egg
• runny icing
• runproof mascara
• rutabuga bag
• rxr shield
• salmagumdi
• salt plum
• salt plum sake
• salted mutton
• salty drippy candy bar
• salty gumdrop
• sampler size toothpaste
• sane hatrack
• sangria del diablo
• sausage golem
• savings bond
• sawed-off blunderbuss
• scintillating powder
• scroll of minor invulnerability
• scroll of protection from lycanthropes
• sea-worn candlestick
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• security automa-core
• self-repairing earmuffs
• senate fly thorax
• sequin-encrusted sweater
• set of Unobtainium straps
• sew-on bandage
• shadow bread
• shadow brick
• shadow candle
• shadow candy
• shadow chef's hat
• shadow flame
• shadow fluid
• shadow glass
• shadow hammer
• shadow hot dog
• shadow ice
• shadow martini
• shadow monocle
• shadow nectar
• shadow needle
• shadow pill
• shadow sausage
• shadow sinew
• shadow skin
• shadow stick
• shadow trousers
• shadow venom
• shadowy cheat sheet
• sharkfin gumbo
• shim of shame shale
• shimmering tendrils
• shining star cap
• shipwright's hammer
• shoe ad T-shirt
• short beer
• short glass of water
• short stack of pancakes
• short stick of butter
• short white
• shortest-order cook
• shot of wasp venom
• shoulder-mounted Trainbot
• shrine to the Barrel god
• shrink-wrapped 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• shrink-wrapped Cincho de Mayo
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• signal fragment
• signal receiver
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silky pirate drawers
• silver sausage
• silver table-scraper
• single-use dust mask
• sinister ancient tablet
• sinister demon mask
• sinistral homunculus
• sizzling desk bell
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• slap and slap again recipe
• sleeping patriotic eagle
• sleeping piano cat
• sleeping profane parrot
• slime fedora
• slime knuckles
• slime waders
• slippery when wet shield
• slow jam collection
• small Crimbo Pressie
• small pile of sand
• small stone triangle
• smoking talon
• smoldering box
• smoldering leafcutter ant egg
• snake skin
• snakeskin cowboy hat
• snakeskin jacket
• snakeskin thighboots
• snow belly
• snow hat
• snow pants
• snowman-enchanting tophat
• snowpack
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• soggy elf shoes
• soggy gingerbread chunk
• sonar fishfinder
• sorority girl's box
• souvenir flag
• space blanket
• space chowder
• space planula
• space trooper helmet
• space wine
• spare battery
• sparkling orb
• sparkly engagement ring
• spearfish fishing spear
• speed limit shield
• spider leg
• spinal-fluid-covered emotion chip
• spinning wheel
• spirit bell
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spring shoes
• squamous polyp
• stained glass serape
• stained glass shards
• stained glass shield
• stained glass shiv
• stained glass spectacles
• stained glass stetson
• stained glass suspenders
• stained hard candy
• star pop
• status cymbal
• steamed oyster
• steaming evil
• stick of firewood
• sticky sword blade
• still grill
• stinky cheese ball
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• stinky cheese wheel
• stop shield
• strange stalagmite
• strange stone pyramid
• streetfighting champion's belt
• structural ember
• stuffed dinosaur
• stuffed kraken
• stuffed red and green pepper (stale)
• stuffed yam stinkbomb
• stuffed-shirt scarecrow
• styrofoam peanuts
• subscription cocoa dispenser
• sugarplum ration
• sundae ration
• super good fruit
• super-heated leaf
• super-sweet fish goo (spoiled)
• superhero mask
• surprisingly capacious handbag
• sushi-rolling mat
• suspicious package
• suspicious stocking
• swamp haunch
• sweat-ade
• sweaty balsam
• sweet nutcracker
• sweet party mix
• sweet potato o' mine
• sweet potato punch
• synaptic soup
• synthetic rock
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talkative skull
• tankard of spiced Goldschlepper
• tankard of spiced rum
• tapped black lotus
• tattered paper crown
• tattoo gun
• tattoo of two turkeys
• teacher's pen
• tearaway pants
• tempura green and red bean
• terra cotta tambourine
• terra cotta tidbits
• terra cotta tie tack
• terra cotta tongs
• terra cotta train
• terra cotta trousers
• terra cotta truss
• terra panna cotta
• testy toolbox
• thanksgiving bomb
• the Crymbich Manuscript
• the Crymbich Manuscript (used)
• thermos of "whiskey"
• thick walrus blubber
• third ear
• thriftshop coupon
• throwin' ember
• tie-dye headband
• tied-up flaming leaflet
• tied-up flaming monstera
• tied-up leaviathan
• tin thermos of chai
• tinsel fin
• tinsel orb
• tiny Tina gun
• tiny bomb
• tiny consolation ribbon
• tiny ember
• tiny glowing red nose
• tiny handful of mixed nuts
• tiny plastic "Santa Claus"
• tiny plastic Abuela Crimbo
• tiny plastic Abuela's cottage
• tiny plastic Armory
• tiny plastic Bar
• tiny plastic Café Elf
• tiny plastic Cafe
• tiny plastic Cheer Core
• tiny plastic Colonel Brando
• tiny plastic Crimbo caroler
• tiny plastic Crimbo cheer
• tiny plastic Dolph Bossin
• tiny plastic Easter Island Bunny
• tiny plastic Factory
• tiny plastic Jedediah and Boiling Cloud
• tiny plastic Mer-kin baker
• tiny plastic Mirth
• tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress
• tiny plastic Penny
• tiny plastic St. Patrick
• tiny plastic caboose
• tiny plastic chem lab
• tiny plastic coal car
• tiny plastic dining car
• tiny plastic dolphin "orphan"
• tiny plastic food lab
• tiny plastic locomotive
• tiny plastic multi-level marketer
• tiny plastic nog lab
• tiny plastic orphan
• tiny plastic passenger car
• tiny plastic primary lab
• tiny plastic reindeer
• tiny plastic sea elf
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny plastic wild beaver
• tiny plastic yuleviathan
• tiny stillsuit
• tooth cap
• toothy trousers
• traditional Crimbo cookie
• train whistle
• trampled ticket stub
• traumatic holiday memory
• trick coin
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• tryptophan dart
• turchucken
• twice-haunted screwdriver
• twitching trigger finger
• ultimate wad
• ultra-soft ferns
• unbreakable umbrella
• uncanny desk bell
• undamaged Unbreakable Umbrella
• undrilled cosmic bowling ball
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• unevolved organism
• unfinished pleasure
• uniclops egg
• universal biscuit
• unoccupied sheep suit
• unopened Bird-a-Day calendar
• unopened diabolic pizza cube box
• unopened tiny stillsuit
• unpowered Robortender
• unremarkable duffel bag
• untorn tearaway pants package
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwound mechanical songbird
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampagne
• vampire glitter
• vampyric cloake
• vampyric cloake pattern
• van key
• vanilla-frosted king cake
• velour valise
• velour vambraces
• velour vaqueros
• velour veil
• velour veneer
• velour viscometer
• velour voulge
• very small red dress
• vesper
• vial of humanoid growth hormone
• virgin jello shot
• void burger
• void lager
• void shard
• void stone
• voodoo doll
• voter registration form
• votive of confidence
• wad of Crovacite
• wad of spider silk
• waders
• waffle
• warbear bearserker greaves
• warbear black box
• warbear electric long johns
• warbear high festival pants
• warbear officer requisition box
• warbear requisition box
• wardrobe-o-matic
• water balloon
• waterlogged cloth
• waterlogged leather
• waterlogged metal
• waterlogged stuffing
• waterlogged wood
• watermelon
• watermelon seed
• wax lips
• webbed comic mask
• wedge of gray cheese
• weedy skirt
• wet tack
• whale cerebrospinal fluid
• whalecake
• whalegun
• whalesteak
• wheel of camembert
• whet stone
• whirled peas
• white Crimbo ball
• white arm towel
• white money bag
• windicle
• wine-soaked bone chips
• wizard action figure
• wormwood stick
• wormwood wedding ring
• wrapped candy cane sword cane
• wrapping paper
• writhing drippy candy bar
• xo-skeleton-in-a-box
• yam
• yam and swiss
• yam battery
• yam burrito
• yam martini
• yam mayo
• yam slider
• yellow puck
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow rocket
• yellow seashell
• yellow traffic cone
• yield shield
• yule grog
• yule gruel
• yule hatchet
• yule pup
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zombie monkey necklace