In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 1,213 short.

• Franken Stein
• "Humorous" T-shirt
• "I survived Y2K" T-Shirt
• 'Villa' document
• 0
• 1
• 1 Meat
• 17-ball
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• 3d printed server room key
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3
• A Guide to Burning Leaves
• Abuela Crimbo's special magnet
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer's Kit
• Alice's Army Foil tattoo
• Alice's Army booster box
• Anniversary Miniature Sword & Martini Guy
• Annual Ascot
• Apathargic Bandersnatch
• Apriling band helmet
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Asdon Martin keyfob (on ring)
• Bag o' Tricks
• Banfoy's Boutique Order Form
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Bastille Battalion control rig crate
• Beach Comb
• Beach Comb Box
• Bee's Knees
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• Black and White Apron Enrollment Form
• Bloodbath
• Boris's Helm
• Boris's Helm (askew)
• Boxing Day care package
• Brandonian footlocker key
• Buddy Bjorn
• Bugfinder Blade
• Build-a-City Gingerbread kit
• Byte
• C.B.F.G.
• Camp Scout backpack
• Cargo Cultist Shorts
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Charleston shoes
• Chateau Mantegna room key
• Chef Boy, R&D's business card
• Cheshire Bitten
• ChibiBuddy™ (on)
• Children's Meal of the Damned
• Cincho de Mayo
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge invitation
• Clan VIP Lounge key
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan pool table
• Clan shower
• Clan speakeasy
• Cocktails of the Age of Sail (used)
• Colera Peste Nebbiolo
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Covert Ops for Kids (used)
• Crimbo Cheer tattoo kit
• Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
• Crimbo hat
• Crimbo pants
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo sapling
• Crimbo stocking
• Crimbo sword
• Crimbo training manual
• Crimbough
• Crimbuccaneer war standard
• Crown of Thrones
• CyberRealm keycode
• DIY protonic accelerator kit
• Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Dark Jill-of-All-Trades
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Deactivated MiniMechaElf
• Dear Past Self Package
• Deck of Every Card
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Distant Woods Getaway Brochure
• Doll Moll violin case
• Dolph Bossin's Crimbo hat
• Dolph Bossin's charity note
• Dreadsylvanian hemlock
• Drunkula's bell
• Ed the Undying exhibit crate
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Culinary Arts
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Culinary Arts (used)
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Extortion (used)
• Elf Guard Field Manual: Wilderness Sleeping (used)
• Elf Guard hangover cure
• Elf Guard temporary (permanent) tattoo
• Elf Guard war standard
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Everfull Dart Holster
• FantasyRealm membership packet
• FantasyRealm tattoo kit
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• First Post shirt - Cir Senam
• Flivver
• Fly-By-Knight Heraldry form
• Folder Holder
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• GameInformPowerDailyPro subscription card
• Garland of Greatness
• General Assembly Module
• Ginsu™
• God Lobster Egg
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Accessory
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Gordon Beer's Beer Garden Catalog
• Granny Tood's Thanksgarden Catalog
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire
• Great S-Cape
• Great Wolf's beastly trousers
• Greatest American Pants
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite Bock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite garter
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Grumpy Bumpkin's Pumpkin Seed Catalog
• Guzzlr application
• Guzzlr souvenir stein
• Guzzlr tablet
• Guzzlr tattoo kit
• Gygaxian Libram
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Holiday Multitasking (used)
• Horsery contract
• Hot Socks
• How to Lose Friends and Attract Snakes (used)
• ICEbox
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Illustrated Mating Rituals of the Gallapagos
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• January's Garbage Tote
• January's Garbage Tote (unopened)
• Jarlsberg's pan
• Jarlsberg's pan (Cosmic portal mode)
• Jekyllin hide belt
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• June cleaver
• Junior Adventurer's kit
• Junior LAAAAME merit badge
• Jurassic Parka
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• KoLHS Pep Squad Box
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• Kremlin's Greatest Briefcase
• LARP carp
• LI-11 Motor Pool voucher
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• Leapin' Trousers
• Left-Hand Man action figure
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Candy Heart Summoning
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Love Songs
• Libram of Pulled Taffy
• Libram of Resolutions
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Little Geneticist DNA-Splicing Lab
• Living to Drink, Drinking to Live
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion can opener
• Loathing Legion chainsaw
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion hammer
• Loathing Legion helicopter
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion knife
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lord Flameface's cloak
• Love Potions and the Wizards who Mix Them
• Lucky Lindy
• LyleCo premium magnifying glass
• LyleCo premium monocle
• LyleCo premium pickaxe
• LyleCo premium rope
• MAHI fez
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit
• March hat
• Marvelous Unitard
• MayDay™ contract
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayam spinach
• Mayflower bouquet
• McHugeLarge deluxe ski set
• McHugeLarge duffel bag
• McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning
• Meatcleaver
• Mint Salton Pepper's Peppermint Seed Catalog
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Moping Artistic Goth Kid
• Mr. Accessory
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Eh?
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Shirt
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• Murgatroyd diode
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• N. O. Beer
• Never Don't Stop Not Striving
• Neverending Party invitation envelope
• New-You Club Membership Form
• Newbiesport™ backpack
• Nog-on-the-Cob
• OVERCLOCK(10) rom chip
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• PARTY HARD T-shirt
• Pack of Every Card
• Panda outfit
• Pantsgiving
• Para-Pop
• Party Planning on a Budget
• Party Tattoo™ gift certificate
• Peppermint Pip Packet
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Pete & Jackie's Dragon Tooth Emporium Catalog
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• PirateRealm membership packet
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card
• Pocket Guide to Mild Evil (used)
• Pocket Meteor Guide
• Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them
• Powerful Glove
• Professor of Spelunkology
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Quiets-Your-Steps
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Antenna Ball
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Rainbow's Gravity
• Red Roger tattoo kit
• Retrospecs
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Rock Garden Guide
• Roman Candelabra
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• S.I.T. Course Voucher
• SLEEP(5) rom chip
• STATS+++ rom chip
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Schmalz's First Prize Beer
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Sealed TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Seasonal Beret
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters (used)
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Seven Loco
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Small Medium
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket (collar popped)
• Snow Suit
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Sorcerers of the Shore Grimoire
• Source terminal
• Southern yam
• Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts
• Spacegate access badge
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• Spooky Putty sheet
• Spooky Putty snake
• Staff of Frozen Lard
• Staff of Kitchen Royalty
• Staff of Queso Escusado
• Staff of the Peppermint Twist
• Star of Bravery
• Stupid University Diploma
• Superhero Reboots
• Synapse Blaster
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Talisman of Bakula
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• The Big Book of Every Skill
• The Confiscator's Grimoire
• The Crown of Ed the Undying
• The Encyclopedia of Fruit (used)
• The Eye of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 1 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 2 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 3 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 4 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 5 (used)
• The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 6 (used)
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5 (used)
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6
• The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6 (used)
• The Nose Knows, A Guide to Smells (read)
• The Nuge's favorite crossbow
• The Smith's Tome
• The Spirit of Giving
• The Spirit of Giving (used)
• They'll Love You In Rhinestones
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thor's Pliers
• Thwaitgold Illinigina illinoiensis model
• Thwaitgold amoeba statuette
• Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette
• Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold bug statuette
• Thwaitgold buzzy beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold chigger statuette
• Thwaitgold fairyfly statue
• Thwaitgold fire beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold harvestman statuette
• Thwaitgold keyhole spider statuette
• Thwaitgold listening bug statuette
• Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette
• Thwaitgold metabug statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito statuette
• Thwaitgold mosquito-in-amber statuette
• Thwaitgold nymph statuette
• Thwaitgold protozoa statuette
• Thwaitgold quantum bug statuette
• Thwaitgold shield bug statuette
• Thwaitgold slug statuette
• Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold wolf spider statuette
• Tickle-Me Emilio
• Time Juice
• Time Lord Badge of Honor
• Time-Spinner
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Clip Art
• Tome of Rad Libs
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Trainbot radar monocle
• Travoltan trousers
• Trivial Avocations board game
• Truthsayer
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Underworld acorn
• Unionize The Elves sign
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• V for Vivala mask
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Valentine's Day cake
• Velougats™
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warehouse 23 crate
• White Dragon Fang
• Witchess Set
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xi Receiver Unit
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeti Protest Sign
• a cute angel
• a suspicious address
• abyssal battle plans
• adobe abacus
• adobe abaya
• adobe adze
• adobe arsecover
• adobe ascot
• adobe assortment
• adobe ayam
• adobe brittle
• adventurer clone egg
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: Dinseylandfill
• airplane charter: Spring Break Beach
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• airplane charter: The Glaciest
• ancient Elf dessert spoon
• ancient redwood
• anniversary tiny latex mask
• arrow'd heart balloon
• arse-shooting crossbow
• astral badger
• astronaut ice-cream
• august scepter
• automatic wine thief
• avatar of the Unconscious Collective
• baby camelCalf
• baby chest mimic
• backup camera
• bag of Iunion stones
• bagged Cargo Cultist Shorts
• balsam barrel
• banana-frosted king cake
• basking robin
• bat wings
• bath ball gift set
• battoo kit
• beet
• best joke ever
• big ol' trophy
• biomechanical crimborg helmet
• biomechanical crimborg leg armor
• birthday candle
• black candygram
• black velvet box
• blank note
• blank white card
• blue glowstick
• blue money bag
• blue ribbon
• blue traffic cone
• blueberry-frosted king cake
• bodyguard badge
• bodyslam
• book of facts
• book of facts (dog-eared)
• boot plant
• booze drive button
• booze mailing list
• bottle of lovebug pheromones
• bottled Vampire Vintner
• bottled green pixie
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• box o' ghosts
• boxed Apriling band helmet
• boxed Mayam Calendar
• boxed Sept-Ember Censer
• boxed august scepter
• boxed autumn-aton
• boxed bat wings
• brute force hammer
• bucket of ancient Vampyre blood
• bugbear-smiting sword
• bulky free-range mushroom
• bullet necklace
• bundle of firewood
• calm attention-deficit demon
• campfire smoke
• can of Rain-Doh
• candied lime
• candy cane sword cane
• candy drive button
• candy mailing list
• carbonite visor
• cement shoes
• ceramic celery grater
• ceramic celsiturometer
• ceramic cenobite's robe
• ceramic centurion shield
• ceramic cerecloth belt
• ceramic cestus
• ceramic scree
• chalk chain
• chalk chalice
• chalk chapeau
• chalk chinos
• chalk chlamys
• chalk choker
• chalk chunks
• cherry bomb
• chiffon carbage
• chiffon chakram
• chiffon chamberpot
• chiffon chapeau
• chiffon chaps
• chiffon chemise
• chiffon chevrons
• chocolate box
• clan underground fireworks shop
• class five ecto-larva
• closed-circuit pay phone
• closed-circuit phone system
• clovermint
• coal paperweight
• coffee sprite
• cold medicine cabinet
• combat lover's locket
• combat lover's locket lockbox
• comfy blanket
• conquistador's breastplate
• consolation ribbon
• container of Spooky Putty
• corked genie bottle
• cosmic bucket
• cozy scarf
• crated wardrobe-o-matic
• crazy bastard sword
• crepe paper parachute cape
• crepe paper pared cuttings
• crepe paper peanut candy
• crepe paper phrygian cap
• crepe paper pie clip
• crepe paper plunge camisole
• crepe paper polka charm
• crepe paper puzzle cube
• crimbo elfling
• crude oil congealer
• crunchy brush
• cryptic puzzle box
• cryptocloak
• crystallized pumpkin spice
• cup of "tea"
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed monkey glove
• cursed monkey's paw
• cursed pirate cutlass
• cursed swash buckle
• custom avatar form
• cybeer
• cybervisor
• cyburger
• datastick
• deactivated RoboGoose
• deactivated mini-Trainbot
• deactivated nanobots
• deanimated reanimator's coffin
• dedigitizer schematic: 3d printed server room key
• dedigitizer schematic: OVERCLOCK(10) rom chip
• dedigitizer schematic: SLEEP(5) rom chip
• dedigitizer schematic: STATS+++ rom chip
• dedigitizer schematic: brute force hammer
• dedigitizer schematic: cryptocloak
• dedigitizer schematic: cybeer
• dedigitizer schematic: cybervisor
• dedigitizer schematic: cyburger
• dedigitizer schematic: digibritches
• dedigitizer schematic: familiar-in-the-middle
• dedigitizer schematic: geofencing rapier
• dedigitizer schematic: geofencing shield
• dedigitizer schematic: hashing vise
• dedigitizer schematic: insignificant bit
• dedigitizer schematic: malware injector
• dedigitizer schematic: pocket GPU
• dedigitizer schematic: psilocyber mushroom
• dedigitizer schematic: retro floppy disk
• dedigitizer schematic: trojan horseshoe
• dedigitizer schematic: virtual cybertattoo
• dedigitizer schematic: zero-trust tanktop
• deed to Oliver's Place
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• designer sweatpants
• designer sweatpants (new old stock)
• detective school application
• detour shield
• diabolic pizza cube
• digibritches
• digital honeypot
• dirty bottlecap
• dirty martini
• discarded button
• disconnected intergnat
• doppelshifter egg
• double daisy
• dreaming Jung man
• drenchrome 2.0
• drippy bromide
• drippy diadem
• drippy enzyme
• drippy ichor
• drippy khakis
• drippy pigment
• drippy salt
• drippy shield
• drippy snail shell
• eXpand
• electronic Brain Trainer game
• elf sleeper agent
• ember egg
• emo roe
• emotion chip
• empty Rain-Doh can
• encrypted shuriken
• envelope full of Meat
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• evil noodles
• exactly-three-shaped box
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• extra DNA
• extra ooze
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• extra-toasted half sandwich
• fairy-worn boots
• familiar scrapbook
• familiar-in-the-middle wrapper
• festive sausage
• fetus-smashing club
• fiberglass fannypack
• fiberglass fedora
• fiberglass fetish
• fiberglass fibers
• fiberglass fingerguard
• fiberglass foil
• fiberglass frock
• fist turkey outline
• flagstone fez
• flagstone flag
• flagstone flagments
• flagstone flail
• flagstone fleece
• flagstone flip-flops
• flagstone fringe
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming pink shirt
• flashing novelty button
• flickering pixel
• floaty stone sphere
• food drive button
• food mailing list
• fossilized necklace
• fragile Christmas ornament
• frankincenser
• free boots
• free-range mushroom
• fresh can of paint
• fresh coat of paint
• fruit-stuffed rumcake
• funny paper hat
• fuzzy bracelets
• gabardine gaiters
• gabardine garibaldi
• gabardine garland
• gabardine girdle
• gabardine gloves
• gabardine gunnysack
• gabardine smithereens
• gasmask
• gattoo
• genie bottle
• geofencing rapier
• geofencing shield
• giant free-range mushroom
• gingerbread pirate
• glass of "milk"
• glitched malware
• glowing frisbee
• golden monkey statuette
• golden sausage
• goo magnet
• gooey drippy candy bar
• governor's daughter's pearl hairpin
• gravy skin
• gravyskin buckler
• gravyskin hat
• gravyskin pants
• gravyskin skirt
• greedy ghostling
• green glowstick
• green traffic cone
• gregarious ghostling
• grey gosling
• grinning ghostling
• grogtini
• guild application
• gunwale whalegun
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• handful of split pea soup
• harpoon
• hashing vise
• haunted doghouse
• haunted orange
• heart-shaped crate
• hemlock helm
• hemp backpack
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hewn moon-rune spoon
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hibernating robot reindeer
• hippo tutu
• hobo code binder
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• homeless hobo spirit
• hopeful candle
• house-sized mushroom
• hungover chauvinist pig
• hypnodisk
• iDrops
• ice baby
• ice pick
• ice sickle
• ice skates
• iceberglet
• immense free-range mushroom
• in-the-box spring shoes
• incredibly dense meat gem
• indie comic hipster glasses
• industrial fire extinguisher
• infant sandworm
• insignificant bit
• interesting clod of dirt
• intergalactic pom poms
• jewel-eyed wizard hat
• jitterbug larva
• jug of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• kitten burglar
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• latte lovers club card
• latte lovers member's mug
• left bear arm
• li'l orphan tot
• liar's pants
• llama lama cria
• locked mumming trunk
• logic grenade
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loofah ladle
• loofah lavalier
• loofah lederhosen
• loofah legwarmers
• loofah lei
• loofah lumberjack's hat
• loofah lumps
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky Tam O'Shatner
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• machine elf capsule
• magnetic field
• malware injector
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Skate Park
• marble maebari
• marble magnet
• marble mantle
• marble mariachi hat
• marble medallion
• marble mignonette bowl
• marble molecules
• marshroom
• mayfly bait necklace
• medium stone triangle
• messenger bag RNA
• meteorite earring
• meteorite fragment
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• mini kiwi
• mini kiwi aioli
• mini kiwi antimilitaristic hippy petition
• mini kiwi bikini
• mini kiwi digitized cookies
• mini kiwi egg
• mini kiwi icepick
• mini kiwi illicit antibiotic
• mini kiwi intoxicating spirits
• mini kiwi invisible dirigible
• mini kiwi silicon tiepin
• mini kiwi tipi
• mini kiwi whipping stick
• mini kiwi-flavored aspirin-injecting lipstick
• mini kiwitini
• miniature coffin
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniature stuffed Goth Giant
• miniscule temporal rip
• mint condition Lil' Doctor™ bag
• mint condition magnifying glass
• mint-in-box Powerful Glove
• model train set
• moss floss
• moss mace
• moss mantle
• moss marlinspike
• moss medal
• moss megaphone
• moss mitre
• moss mulch
• moveable feast
• mummified entombed cookbookbat
• mumming trunk
• mushroom slab
• mutant crown
• myrrh pouch
• myrrh-soaked, chocolate-covered bacon bath ball
• mysterious chest
• name change form
• nativity shorts
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• nauseating reagent
• navel ring of navel gazing
• neck wreath
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• new-in-box toy Cupid bow
• newly-hatched mayonnaise wasp
• nice warm beer
• note from Clancy
• null-day exploit
• off-hand balloon
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie
• one million meat pancakes
• optimal spreadsheet
• orange glowstick
• orange traffic cone
• organ grinder
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• outrageous sombrero
• over-the-shoulder Folder Holder
• packaged Daylight Shavings Helmet
• packaged Everfull Dart Holster
• packaged June cleaver
• packaged Jurassic Parka
• packaged Pocket Professor
• packaged Roman Candelabra
• packaged SpinMaster™ lathe
• packaged backup camera
• packaged cold medicine cabinet
• packaged familiar scrapbook
• packaged industrial fire extinguisher
• packaged knock-off retro superhero cape
• packaged miniature crystal ball
• packaged model train set
• packet of beer seeds
• packet of dragon's teeth
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of mushroom spores
• packet of pumpkin seeds
• packet of rock seeds
• packet of tall grass seeds
• packet of thanksgarden seeds
• packet of winter seeds
• pantogram
• paraffin palazzos
• paraffin pendant
• paraffin pieces
• paraffin pith helmet
• paraffin poncho
• paraffin pseudoaccordion
• paraffin punching bag
• parity bit
• party pup
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• pea brittle
• peace shooter
• peace turkey outline
• peasco sour
• peaza
• peppermint donut
• perfect Christmas scarf
• perfectly ordinary frog
• personal raindrop
• personalized wassail stein
• petrified wood wafer praline
• petrified wood waist protector
• petrified wood walking pants
• petrified wood war pike
• petrified wood waste parts
• petrified wood water purifier
• petrified wood whoopie panama
• petrified wood wizard's pouch
• photo booth sized crate
• piece of cake
• pile of smoking rags
• pink glowstick
• pirate encryption key (complete)
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• pirate radio ring
• piratical blunderbuss
• pixel rock
• plans for depleted Grimacite hammer
• plastic pumpkin bucket
• plastic vampire fangs
• plexifoam chin strap
• plump free-range mushroom
• plush sea serpent
• pocket GPU
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• portable Mayo Clinic
• portable pantogram
• potted power plant
• potted tea tree
• power seed
• praying Grim Brother
• present
• primitive alien blowgun
• primitive alien loincloth
• primitive alien necklace
• primitive alien totem
• profane eye patch
• prohie's hat
• proto-proto-protozoa
• protogenetic chunklet (elbow)
• protogenetic chunklet (flagellum)
• protogenetic chunklet (lips)
• protogenetic chunklet (muscle)
• protogenetic chunklet (synapse)
• protonic accelerator pack
• psilocyber mushroom
• purple glowstick
• purpleheart "pants"
• purpleheart logs
• puzzling trophy
• pygmy bugbear shaman
• quantized familiar
• quantized familiar experience
• quantum of familiar
• quantum watch
• raffle ticket
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• rare oboe
• real cowboy hat
• really nice lump of coal
• red money bag
• red plumber's boots
• red traffic cone
• red-spotted snapper roe
• redwood rain stick
• refrigerated biohazard container
• refurbished air fryer
• rehearsing dramatic hedgehog
• replica Ten Dollars
• research fragment
• residual chitin paste
• retro floppy disk
• rigging knot
• right bear arm
• ring
• rose-colored glasses
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rum ball
• rune-strewn spoon cocoon
• rxr shield
• salty drippy candy bar
• sane hatrack
• sangria del diablo
• sausage golem
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• server room key
• set of Unobtainium straps
• sew-on bandage
• shadow hammer
• shadow monocle
• shadowy cheat sheet
• shortest-order cook
• shrine to the Barrel god
• shrink-wrapped 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• shrink-wrapped Cincho de Mayo
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silver sausage
• silver table-scraper
• sinister ancient tablet
• sinistral homunculus
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• sleeping patriotic eagle
• sleeping piano cat
• slippery when wet shield
• slow jam collection
• small Crimbo Pressie
• small stone triangle
• smoking talon
• smoldering box
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• solid asbestos box
• solid chrome box
• solid linoleum box
• sorority girl's box
• space planula
• space trooper helmet
• sparkly engagement ring
• speed limit shield
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spring shoes
• squamous polyp
• stained glass serape
• stained glass shards
• stained glass shield
• stained glass shiv
• stained glass spectacles
• stained glass stetson
• stained glass suspenders
• steaming evil
• still grill
• stinky cheese ball
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• stinky cheese wheel
• strange stone pyramid
• stuffed dinosaur
• stuffed yam stinkbomb
• stuffed-shirt scarecrow
• styrofoam peanuts
• superhero mask
• suspicious package
• suspicious stocking
• sweaty balsam
• sweet nutcracker
• sweet potato o' mine
• sweet potato punch
• synthetic coffee
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talking spade
• tattoo gun
• tearaway pants
• terra cotta tambourine
• terra cotta tidbits
• terra cotta tie tack
• terra cotta tongs
• terra cotta train
• terra cotta trousers
• terra cotta truss
• terra panna cotta
• testy toolbox
• thanksgiving bomb
• the Crymbich Manuscript (used)
• thermos of "whiskey"
• tie-dye headband
• time sleigh
• time trousers
• time-twitching toolbelt
• tin star
• tin thermos of chai
• tiny Tina gun
• tiny ember
• tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny plastic sword
• tiny stillsuit
• tooth cap
• toy Cupid bow
• train whistle
• trojan horseshoe
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• twice-haunted screwdriver
• twitching trigger finger
• ultimate wad
• ultra-soft ferns
• unbreakable umbrella
• undamaged Unbreakable Umbrella
• undrilled cosmic bowling ball
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• unevolved organism
• uniclops egg
• unoccupied sheep suit
• unopened Bird-a-Day calendar
• unopened diabolic pizza cube box
• unopened tiny stillsuit
• unpowered Robortender
• untorn tearaway pants package
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampyric cloake
• vampyric cloake pattern
• vanilla-frosted king cake
• velour valise
• velour vambraces
• velour vaqueros
• velour veil
• velour veneer
• velour viscometer
• velour voulge
• vesper
• virtual cybertattoo
• visual packet sniffer
• void shard
• voodoo doll
• voter registration form
• wad of Crovacite
• warbear black box
• wardrobe-o-matic
• wax lips
• webbed comic mask
• wedge of gray cheese
• whalegun
• whirled peas
• white money bag
• wired underwear
• wizard action figure
• wormwood stick
• wormwood wedding ring
• wrapped candy cane sword cane
• wrapping paper
• writhing drippy candy bar
• xo-skeleton-in-a-box
• yam
• yam and swiss
• yam battery
• yellow glowstick
• yellow puck
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow traffic cone
• yield shield
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zero-trust tanktop
• zombie monkey necklace