In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 1,165 short.

• 'Villa' document
• 1 Meat
• 17-ball
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 2
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer's Kit
• Agent Mauve
• Alice's Army Foil Alchemist
• Alice's Army Foil Dervish
• Alice's Army Foil Hammerman
• Alice's Army Foil Horseman
• Alice's Army Foil Lanceman
• Alice's Army Foil Shieldmaiden
• Alice's Army Foil Sniper
• Alice's Army Foil Swordsman
• Alice's Army Foil Wallman
• Alice's Army Foil tattoo
• Alice's Army booster box
• Anniversary Miniature Sword & Martini Guy
• Annual Ascot
• Apathargic Bandersnatch
• Apriling band helmet
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Asdon Martin keyfob (on ring)
• BRICKO airship
• BRICKO cathedral
• BRICKO gargantuchicken
• BRICKO vacuum cleaner
• Bag o' Tricks
• Banfoy's Boutique Order Form
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Bastille Battalion control rig crate
• Batfellow comic
• Beach Comb
• Bee's Knees
• Belt of Loathing
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• BittyCar MeatCar
• Bloodbath
• Boosty Juice
• Boris's Helm
• Boris's Helm (askew)
• Bowl of Infinite Jelly
• Boxing Day care package
• Brogre brolo shirt
• Brogre brorts
• Brogre bucket hat
• Buddy Bjorn
• Bugfinder Blade
• Build-a-City Gingerbread kit
• Byte
• Camp Scout backpack
• Cargo Cultist Shorts
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Chef Boy, R&D's business card
• Cheshire Bitten
• ChibiBuddy™ (off)
• ChibiBuddy™ (on)
• Children's Meal of the Damned
• Christmas ham
• Cincho de Mayo
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge key
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan shower
• Clan speakeasy
• Cold Fang
• Cold Stone of Hatred
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Congressional Medal of Insanity
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Covert Ops for Kids
• Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
• Crimbo hat
• Crimbo pants
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo sapling
• Crimbo stocking
• Crimbo sword
• Crimbot ROM: Mathematical Precision
• Crimbot ROM: Rapid Prototyping
• Crimbot ROM: Ruthless Efficiency
• Crimbot schematic: Bug Zapper
• Crimbot schematic: Camera Claw
• Crimbot schematic: Gun Face
• Crimbot schematic: Hoverjack
• Crimbot schematic: Lamp Filler
• Crimbot schematic: Refrigerator Chassis
• Crimbot schematic: Rocket Skirt
• Crimbot schematic: Snow Blower
• Crimbot schematic: Swiss Arm
• Crimbot schematic: Tripod Legs
• Crimbot schematic: Wrecking Ball
• Crimbough
• Crown of Thrones
• DIY protonic accelerator kit
• Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Deactivated O. A. F.
• Dear Past Self Package
• Deck of Every Card
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Discount Telescope Warehouse gift certificate
• Doll Moll violin case
• Dreadsylvanian cold pocket
• Dreadsylvanian cold-fashioned
• Dreadsylvanian dank and stormy
• Dreadsylvanian hot pocket
• Dreadsylvanian hot toddy
• Dreadsylvanian spooky pocket
• Dreadsylvanian stink pocket
• Drunkula's bell
• Drunkula's wineglass
• Dungeon Fist gauntlet
• Easter eggnog
• Ed the Undying exhibit crate
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• El Vibrato Megadrone
• El Vibrato drone
• El Vibrato punchcard (104 holes)
• El Vibrato trapezoid
• Elvish sunglasses
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Everfull Dart Holster
• FDKOL fire hose
• FDKOL tattoo
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• First Post shirt - Cir Senam
• First Post shirt package
• Flivver
• Fly-By-Knight Heraldry form
• Folder Holder
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• Frown Exerciser
• Fuzzy Slippers of Hatred
• Game Grid valued membership card
• General Assembly Module
• Ghost Pinching Quarterly
• Girdle of Hatred
• God Lobster Egg
• Goggles of Loathing
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Kokomo Resort Chip
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Gordon Beer's Beer Garden Catalog
• Granny Tood's Thanksgarden Catalog
• Great Ball of Frozen Fire
• Great S-Cape
• Great Wolf's beastly trousers
• Great Wolf's lice
• Great Wolf's right paw
• Greatest American Pants
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite Bock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite garter
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Grumpy Bumpkin's Pumpkin Seed Catalog
• Gummi-Memory
• Guzzlr application
• Guzzlr tablet
• Gygaxian Libram
• HOA citation pad
• HOA regulation book
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Hell and How I Bent It
• History's Most Offensive Jokes, Vol. IX
• Hjodor's Guide to Arctic Dalmatians
• Hodgman's disgusting technicolor overcoat
• Hodgman's journal #1: The Lean Times
• Hodgman's journal #2: Entrepreneurythmics
• Holiday Multitasking
• Hot Socks
• How to Lose Friends and Attract Snakes
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games (used)
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• Jackass Plumber home game
• January's Garbage Tote
• Jarlsberg's pan
• Jarlsberg's pan (Cosmic portal mode)
• Jeans of Loathing
• Jekyllin hide belt
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• Jodhpurs of Violence
• Juju Mojo Mask
• June cleaver
• Junior Adventurer's kit
• Jurassic Parka
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 13 snowglobe
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• KoLHS Pep Squad Box
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• Kremlin's Greatest Briefcase
• Kudzu salad
• LARP carp
• LI-11 Motor Pool voucher
• LIDAR candle
• LT&T tattoo kit
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• Lazenby's Life Lesson
• Leapin' Trousers
• Lens of Hatred
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Candy Heart Summoning
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Love Songs
• Libram of Pulled Taffy
• Libram of Resolutions
• License to Chill
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Living to Drink, Drinking to Live
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion chainsaw
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion hammer
• Loathing Legion helicopter
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion knife
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lucky Lindy
• MAHI fez
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit
• Mansquito Serum
• Manual of Transcendent Olfaction
• March hat
• Marvelous Unitard
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayflower bouquet
• Mayor Ghost's cloak
• Mayor Ghost's gavel
• McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning
• Memories of Beanslinging
• Memories of Cow Punching
• Memories of Snake Oiling
• Mer-kin darkbook
• Mer-kin dragnet
• Mer-kin gladiator mask
• Mer-kin gladiator tailpiece
• Merc Core Field Manual: Intimidation Techniques
• Merc Core Field Manual: Sanity Maintenance
• Merc Core challenge coin
• Merc Core deployment orders
• Meteoid ice beam
• Mini-Crimbot crate
• Mint Salton Pepper's Peppermint Seed Catalog
• Mint-in-box Moonthril Circlet
• Mint-in-box Moonthril Cuirass
• Mint-in-box Moonthril Flamberge
• Mint-in-box Moonthril Greaves
• Mint-in-box Moonthril Longbow
• Miss Graves' vermouth
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Moping Artistic Goth Kid
• Mr. Accessory
• Mr. Accessory Jr.
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Eh?
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Shirt
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• My Life of Crime, a Memoir
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• N. O. Beer
• Neverending Party invitation envelope
• New-You Club Membership Form
• Newbiesport™ backpack
• Now You're Cooking With Grease
• Official Seal of Dreadsylvania
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Oscus's neverending soda
• Otorian Battle Scar
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• Pack of Alice's Army Foil Cards
• Panda outfit
• Pantaloons of Hatred
• Pantsgiving
• Party Planning on a Budget
• Party Tattoo™ gift certificate
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Pete & Jackie's Dragon Tooth Emporium Catalog
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• PirateRealm membership packet
• Platinum HP-35 Calculator
• Platinum Yendorian Express Card
• Pocket Meteor Guide
• Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them
• Powerful Glove
• Professor of Spelunkology
• Protects-Your-Junk
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Antenna Ball
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Rainbow's Gravity
• Ralph IX cognac
• Retrospecs
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Roman Candelabra
• Royal scepter
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Scepter of Loathing
• Schmalz's First Prize Beer
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Seasonal Beret
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Seven Loco
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Sloppy Seconds Diner Employee Handbook
• Small Medium
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket
• Sneaky Pete's leather jacket (collar popped)
• Snow Suit
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Sorcerers of the Shore Grimoire
• Source terminal
• Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts
• Space Pirate Astrogation Handbook
• Space Trip safety headphones
• Spacegate Initiative tattoo unit
• Spacegate access badge
• Spacegate diplomat's insignia
• Spacegate emergency disintegrator
• Spacegate military insignia
• Spacegate scientist's insignia
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• Spellbook: Drescher's Annoying Noise
• Spellbook: Singer's Faithful Ocelot
• Spellbook: Walberg's Dim Bulb
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Spirit of Christmas
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• Spooky Putty sheet
• Spooky Putty snake
• Spring Break Beach tattoo coupon
• Staff of Simmering Hatred
• Staff of the Cozy Fish
• Staff of the November Jack-O-Lantern
• Staff of the Roaring Hearth
• Staff of the Scummy Sink
• Star of Bravery
• Stupid University Diploma
• Superhero Reboots
• Sword of Procedural Generation
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Tales of Western Braggadoccio
• Talisman of Baio
• Talisman of Bakula
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• The Author's ink
• The Big Book of Communism
• The Chill of the Wild
• The Cocktail Shaker
• The Confiscator's Grimoire
• The Crown of Ed the Undying
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fun-Guy Cold Weather Bartender's Guide
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Inquisitor's unidentifiable object
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Mad Liquor
• The Plumber's mushroom stew
• The Smith's Tome
• The Sword in the Steak
• The Western Look
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thor's Pliers
• Thunkula's drinking cap
• Thwaitgold protozoa statuette
• Time Bandit Badge of Courage
• Time Juice
• Time-Spinner
• To Build an Igloo
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Clip Art
• Tome of Rad Libs
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Travoltan trousers
• Treads of Loathing
• Trivial Avocations board game
• Truthsayer
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Uncle Hobo's belt
• Uncle Hobo's epic beard
• Uncle Hobo's fingerless tinsel gloves
• Uncle Hobo's gift baggy pants
• Uncle Hobo's highest bough
• Uncle Hobo's stocking cap
• Underworld acorn
• Unionize The Elves sign
• Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg
• Unkillable Skeleton's shield
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• V for Vivala mask
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Valentine's Day cake
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warms-Your-Tush
• Western Slang Vol. 1: Violence
• Western Slang Vol. 2: Cooking
• Western Slang Vol. 3: Fraud
• Winifred's whistle
• Witchess Set
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xiblaxian encrypted political prisoner
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: residence cube
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: stealth cowl
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: stealth trousers
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: stealth vest
• Xiblaxian holo-schematic: ultraburrito
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeti Protest Sign
• Young Man's Crew Sequester
• [reuse me]
• a cute angel
• a suspicious address
• abyssal battle plans
• adhesive tape dolly
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: Dinseylandfill
• airplane charter: Spring Break Beach
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• airplane charter: The Glaciest
• alien animal milk
• alien plant pod
• amphibious tophat
• anniversary balsa wood socks
• anniversary burlap belt
• anniversary pewter cape
• anniversary safety glass vest
• anniversary tiny latex mask
• arrow'd heart balloon
• arse-shooting crossbow
• artisanal homebrew gift package
• artisanal homebrew sampler
• astral badger
• augmented El Vibrato drone
• augmented-reality shades
• august scepter
• avatar of the Unconscious Collective
• baby camelCalf
• backup camera
• bad penguin egg
• bag of Iunion stones
• ball-in-a-cup
• barrelhead
• basking robin
• bat wings
• battered old top-hat
• battoo kit
• beach ball marble
• beautiful rainbow
• beet
• bejazzled eyepatch
• belemnite candy mold
• best joke ever
• bewitching boots
• big bumboozer marble
• big ol' trophy
• birthday candle
• bitter bowtie
• black candygram
• black catseye marble
• black velvet box
• blank note
• blank white card
• blue traffic cone
• bobble-hip hula elf doll
• bodyslam
• bone and arrows
• bone aperitif
• bone crusher
• bone meal
• bonerang
• boning knife
• boot plant
• bottle of Cochon Noir
• bottle of lovebug pheromones
• bottle-rocket crossbow
• bottled day
• bottled green pixie
• bounty-hunting helmet
• bounty-hunting pants
• bounty-hunting rifle
• bow
• bow staff
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• bowlegged pants
• bowler
• box of bear arms
• brazen bracelet
• broken El Vibrato drone
• bucket of ancient Vampyre blood
• bugbear-smiting sword
• calm attention-deficit demon
• can of Rain-Doh
• candy cane sword cane
• candy cornucopia
• capped green lava bottle
• carbonite visor
• cement shoes
• cheap plastic kazoo
• cherry bomb
• chest barrel
• chitinous pod
• chocolate box
• class five ecto-larva
• clockwork bartender-head-in-the-box
• closed-circuit pay phone
• clovermint
• coal paperweight
• cold cluster
• cold clusterbomb
• cold medicine cabinet
• combat lover's locket
• comfy blanket
• complicated lock impression
• consolation ribbon
• container of Spooky Putty
• cool iron ingot
• cooling iron breastplate
• cooling iron greaves
• cooling iron helmet
• corked genie bottle
• corroded breeches
• corrosive cowl
• cosmic bucket
• cotton candy cocoon
• cozy bazooka
• cozy scimitar
• crappy Mer-kin mask
• crappy Mer-kin tailpiece
• crazy bastard sword
• crimbo elfling
• crumpled felt fedora
• crushed steamer trunk
• cryptic puzzle box
• cuckoo clock
• cup of "tea"
• cursed bottle of rum
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed monkey's paw
• cursed pirate cutlass
• custom avatar form
• dandy lion cub
• deactivated RoboGoose
• deactivated putty buddy
• dead guy's memento
• deanimated reanimator's coffin
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• depleted Grimacite astrolabe
• depleted Grimacite grappling hook
• depleted Grimacite gravy boat
• depleted Grimacite ninja mask
• depleted Grimacite shinguards
• depleted Grimacite weightlifting belt
• designer sweatpants
• detective school application
• diabolic pizza cube
• diabolical crossbow
• dirty martini
• doppelshifter egg
• double daisy
• dreaming Jung man
• dried gelatinous cube
• drippy shield
• drippy snail shell
• dungeon dragon chest
• eerie fetish
• electronic Brain Trainer game
• electronic dulcimer pants
• elf sleeper agent
• elven whittling knife
• emo roe
• empty Rain-Doh can
• enhanced signal receiver
• eternal knot tattoo
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• exactly-three-shaped box
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• exotic parrot egg
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• fairy-worn boots
• familiar scrapbook
• festive warbear bank
• fetus-smashing club
• fire axe
• fireman's helmet
• fist turkey outline
• fistful of ashes
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming pink shirt
• floaty inverse geode
• floaty rock
• floaty rock helmet
• floaty rock necklace
• floaty rock pants
• floaty stone sphere
• foam commodore's hat
• foam naval trousers
• fragile Christmas ornament
• fragment of Jarlsberg's soul
• frankincenser
• fresh coat of paint
• fudge cube
• fudge pocket square
• funny paper hat
• fuzzy bracelets
• gasmask
• gazing shoes
• genie bottle
• giant diamond ring
• glass of "milk"
• glow-in-the-dark dart gun
• glow-in-the-dark stuffed burrowgrub
• glowing El Vibrato drone
• glowing frisbee
• gnashing teeth
• goblin bone hilt
• goblin collarbone
• golden monkey statuette
• golden pet rock
• golden sausage
• googly-ball hat
• googly-heart hat
• googly-star hat
• governor's daughter's lace collar
• governor's daughter's pearl hairpin
• governor's daughter's petticoats
• green LavaCo Lamp™
• green eggnog
• green traffic cone
• grisly shield
• grogtini
• guild application
• gummi ammonite
• gummi belemnite
• gummi trilobite
• haiku katana
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• handful of Laughing Willow bark
• handmade hobby horse
• haunted doghouse
• heart-shaped crate
• hemp backpack
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hewn moon-rune spoon
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hibernating robot reindeer
• hippo tutu
• hobo code binder
• hobo dungarees
• hobo monkey
• hobo stogie
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• holiday smorgasbord
• holiday trip around the world
• homeless hobo spirit
• homemade robot
• honeypot
• hopeful candle
• hot cluster
• hot clusterbomb
• humming El Vibrato drone
• hungover chauvinist pig
• hypnodisk
• ice baby
• ice pick
• ice sickle
• ice skates
• iceberglet
• imitation crab zoea
• imitation nice watch
• incredibly dense meat gem
• indie comic hipster glasses
• industrial fire extinguisher
• inert sludgepuppy
• infant sandworm
• infinite BACON machine
• inflatable LT&T telegraph office
• inflatable baseball bat
• intergalactic pom poms
• intricate clockwork big hand
• intricate clockwork birdhouse
• intricate clockwork cuckoo
• intricate clockwork disc
• intricate clockwork little hand
• intricate clockwork numeral I
• intricate clockwork numeral II
• intricate clockwork numeral III
• intricate clockwork numeral IV
• intricate clockwork numeral IX
• intricate clockwork numeral V
• intricate clockwork numeral VI
• intricate clockwork numeral VII
• intricate clockwork numeral VIII
• intricate clockwork numeral X
• intricate clockwork numeral XI
• intricate clockwork numeral XII
• intricate music box parts
• ittah bittah hookah
• jar of frostigkraut
• jewel-eyed wizard hat
• jitterbug larva
• jug of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• kitty sheet music
• kobold treasure hoard
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• latte lovers club card
• latte lovers member's mug
• left bear arm
• left-handed melodica
• li'l orphan tot
• liar's pants
• little box of fireworks
• llama lama cria
• locked mumming trunk
• lollipop cufflinks
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loose blade
• lucky Crimbo tiki necklace
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky Tam O'Shatner
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• machine elf capsule
• magic dragonfish fry
• magical battery
• magnetic field
• makeshift castanets
• malevolent medallion
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Putrid Swamp
• map to the Skate Park
• map to the Towering Mountains
• marinara jug
• mass of wriggling tentacles
• mayfly bait necklace
• mechanically-mulled cider
• medium stone triangle
• meteorite earring
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• miniature Jacob's ladder
• miniature antlers
• miniature coffin
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature deck cannon
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniature stuffed Goth Giant
• miniscule temporal rip
• misfit dolly
• misfit hobby horse
• misshapen animal skeleton
• moaiball
• model train set
• molten medallion
• monstrous monocle
• moon-amber
• moveable feast
• mumming trunk
• musty moccasins
• mutant cactus bud
• mutant fire ant egg
• mutant gila monster egg
• mutant rattlesnake egg
• myrrh pouch
• mysterious chest
• nativity shorts
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• neck wreath
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• new habit
• newly-hatched mayonnaise wasp
• ninja pirate zombie robot
• note from Clancy
• nylon Christmas stockings
• off-hand balloon
• old patched suit-pants
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• one million meat pancakes
• optimal spreadsheet
• orange traffic cone
• organ grinder
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• over-the-shoulder Folder Holder
• overcharged El Vibrato power sphere
• overflowing gift basket
• packaged SpinMaster™ lathe
• packaged luxury garment
• packet of beer seeds
• packet of dragon's teeth
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of mushroom spores
• packet of rock seeds
• packet of tall grass seeds
• packet of thanksgarden seeds
• pair of ragged claws
• pantogram
• papier-mâché base
• papier-mâché bowl
• papier-mâché handle
• papier-mâché plaque
• papier-mâché trophy piñata
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• perfect Christmas scarf
• perfectly fair coin
• perfectly ordinary frog
• pernicious cudgel
• personal raindrop
• personalized wassail stein
• phial of coldness
• phial of hotness
• phial of sleaziness
• phial of spookiness
• phial of stench
• pile of loose snow
• pile of smoking rags
• pilgrim shield
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• pirate zombie head
• pirate zombie robot head
• pixel chain whip
• pixie axie
• plans for depleted Grimacite astrolabe
• plans for depleted Grimacite grappling hook
• plans for depleted Grimacite gravy boat
• plans for depleted Grimacite hammer
• plans for depleted Grimacite ninja mask
• plans for depleted Grimacite shinguards
• plans for depleted Grimacite weightlifting belt
• plastic pumpkin bucket
• plastic vampire fangs
• plexifoam chin strap
• plexiglass pants
• plexiglass pendant
• plexiglass pikestaff
• plexiglass pinky ring
• plexiglass pith helmet
• plexiglass pocketwatch
• plush alielf
• plush alien hamsterpus
• plush dogcat
• plush ferrelf
• plush mutated alielephant
• plush mutated alielf
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• pompadour'd puppy
• portable Mayo Clinic
• portable Spacegate
• portable pantogram
• potato jacket
• potted power plant
• pottery barn owl figurine
• praying Grim Brother
• present
• primitive alien blowgun
• primitive alien loincloth
• primitive alien necklace
• primitive alien totem
• protonic accelerator pack
• psychedelic bubble wand
• pulsing flesh
• pumpkin spice whorl
• puzzling trophy
• pygmy bugbear shaman
• quasi-ethereal macaroni fragments
• raffle ticket
• ragged wool yarn
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• real cowboy hat
• record of infuriating silence
• record of menacing silence
• record of tranquil silence
• recovered cufflinks
• red traffic cone
• red-hot medallion
• red-spotted snapper roe
• refrigerated biohazard container
• rehearsing dramatic hedgehog
• repaid diaper
• repaired El Vibrato drone
• replica Ten Dollars
• replica key
• residual zeal
• right bear arm
• robot reindeer protocol O.L.I.V.E.
• rock lobster
• rocky road ice cream
• rope with some soap on it
• rose-colored glasses
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rune-strewn spoon cocoon
• saltwaterbed
• sane hatrack
• sangria del diablo
• scimitar cozy
• scintillating powder
• scissor duck
• sealskin drum
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• set of Unobtainium straps
• set of jacks
• sharp tin strip
• shortest-order cook
• shot of Sneaky Pete's Mojo
• shrine to the Barrel god
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silver sausage
• sinister ancient tablet
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• sleaze cluster
• sleaze clusterbomb
• sleeping piano cat
• sleeping profane parrot
• slime-soaked brain
• slime-soaked hypophysis
• slime-soaked sweat gland
• small Crimbo Pressie
• small stone triangle
• smart watch
• smoldering box
• sneaky wrapping paper
• snowman-enchanting tophat
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• solid asbestos box
• solid chrome box
• solid linoleum box
• sorority girl's box
• soul coin
• soul mask
• space invader
• space planula
• space trooper helmet
• spaghetti-box banjo
• sparking El Vibrato drone
• sparkly engagement ring
• spinal-fluid-covered emotion chip
• spirit bed
• spirit blanket
• spirit mattress
• spirit pillow
• spooky clusterbomb
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spring shoes
• squamous polyp
• squirming Slime larva
• steaming evil
• steely marble
• stench clusterbomb
• sticky sword blade
• still grill
• stinky cheese ball
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• stinky cheese wheel
• strange stone pyramid
• string of Crimbo lights
• stuffed-shirt scarecrow
• styrofoam peanuts
• super-sweet boom box
• superhero mask
• suspicious package
• suspicious stocking
• sweet nutcracker
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talisman of Seshat
• talking spade
• tattered paper crown
• tattoo gun
• tattoo of two turkeys
• tearaway pants
• testy toolbox
• thermos of "whiskey"
• throbbing rage gland
• time helmet
• time trousers
• tin roof (rusted)
• tiny Tina gun
• tiny costume wardrobe
• tiny plastic "Santa Claus"
• tiny plastic Colonel Brando
• tiny plastic Dr. Awkward
• tiny plastic Ed the Undying
• tiny plastic Jedediah and Boiling Cloud
• tiny plastic Lord Spookyraven
• tiny plastic Naughty Sorceress
• tiny plastic St. Patrick
• tiny plastic protector spectre
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny plastic sword
• tiny prop sword
• tiny stillsuit
• trilobite candy mold
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• twitching space egg
• ultimate wad
• unbreakable umbrella
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• uniclops egg
• unopened Bird-a-Day calendar
• unopened diabolic pizza cube box
• unpowered Robortender
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampire glitter
• vampyric cloake
• vampyric cloake pattern
• vesper
• villainous scythe
• voodoo doll
• voter registration form
• wad of Crovacite
• wad of spider silk
• warbear LP-ROM burner
• warbear auto-anvil
• warbear black box
• warbear breakfast machine
• warbear breakfast machine assembler
• warbear chemistry lab
• warbear drone assembler
• warbear empathy chip
• warbear gyrocopter
• warbear long johns
• warbear soda machine
• warbear soda machine assembler
• wardrobe-o-matic
• warm El Vibrato drone
• washboard shield
• wax lips
• webbed comic mask
• wedge of gray cheese
• wizard action figure
• wolfskull mask
• wrapping paper
• wriggling tentacle
• xo-skeleton-in-a-box
• yellow puck
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow traffic cone
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zombie mariachi pants
• zombie monkey necklace