In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 759 short.

• Franken Stein
• 'Villa' document
• 1 Meat
• 17-ball
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3 (used)
• A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6 (used)
• A Guide to Burning Leaves
• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer's Kit
• Annual Ascot
• Apriling band helmet
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Bag o' Tricks
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Bastille Battalion control rig
• Beach Comb
• Bee's Knees
• Better Shrooms and Gardens catalog
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• Black and White Apron Enrollment Form
• Bowl of Infinite Jelly
• Boxing Day care package
• Brimstone Beret
• Brimstone Bludgeon
• Brimstone Boxers
• Brimstone Bracelet
• Brimstone Brooch
• Brimstone Bunker
• Bugfinder Blade
• Byte
• Calzone of Legend
• Cargo Cultist Shorts
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Chateau Mantegna room key
• Chef Boy, R&D's business card
• Cheshire Bitten
• Christmas ham
• Cincho de Mayo
• Clan Carnival Game
• Clan Floundry
• Clan VIP Lounge key
• Clan hot dog stand
• Clan looking glass
• Clan shower
• Clan speakeasy
• Comma Chameleon egg
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium
• Comprehensive Cartographic Compendium (well-read)
• Counterclockwise Watch
• Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbo training manual
• Crimbot schematic: Rocket Skirt
• Crimbuccaneer war standard
• Dark Jill-O-Lantern
• Dark Jill-of-All-Trades
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Dear Past Self Package
• Deck of Every Card
• Deep Dish of Legend
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Discontent™ Winter Garden Catalog
• Distant Woods Getaway Brochure
• Doll Moll violin case
• Easter eggnog
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Elf Guard war standard
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Everfull Dart Holster
• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• Flivver
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber kit
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• General Assembly Module
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Granny Tood's Thanksgarden Catalog
• Gratitude chocolate (octopus-filled)
• Great S-Cape
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite girdle
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite guayabera
• Guzzlr application
• Guzzlr tablet
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Holiday Multitasking
• Hot Socks
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games
• Hoyle's Guide to Reindeer Games (used)
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• January's Garbage Tote
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick's autograph
• Jick-o-User
• June cleaver
• Junior LAAAAME merit badge
• Jurassic Parka
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• Kramco Industries packing carton
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• LARP carp
• LED candle
• LIDAR candle
• LT&T telegraph office deed
• Leapin' Trousers
• Left-Hand Man action figure
• Libram of BRICKOs
• Libram of Divine Favors
• Libram of Pulled Taffy
• License To Kill
• License to Chill
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Loathing Legion abacus
• Loathing Legion can opener
• Loathing Legion corkscrew
• Loathing Legion defibrillator
• Loathing Legion double prism
• Loathing Legion electric knife
• Loathing Legion flamethrower
• Loathing Legion jackhammer
• Loathing Legion kitchen sink
• Loathing Legion many-purpose hook
• Loathing Legion moondial
• Loathing Legion necktie
• Loathing Legion pizza stone
• Loathing Legion rollerblades
• Loathing Legion tape measure
• Loathing Legion tattoo needle
• Loathing Legion universal screwdriver
• Lucky Lindy
• MAHI fez
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• March hat
• Marvelous Unitard
• MayDay™ contract
• Mayam Calendar
• Mayflower bouquet
• Meatcleaver
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mmm-brr! brand mouthwash
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Monster Manuel
• Mr. Container
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mr. Shirt
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• Murgatroyd diode
• My Own Pen Pal kit
• N. O. Beer
• Neverending Party invitation envelope
• Olympic-sized Clan crate
• Oopsie IPA
• Order of the Green Thumb Order Form
• Otorian Battle Scar
• Our Daily Candles™ order form
• PARTY HARD T-shirt
• Panda outfit
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Pete & Jackie's Dragon Tooth Emporium Catalog
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• PirateRealm membership packet
• Pizza of Legend
• Platinum HP-35 Calculator
• Powerful Glove
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio Free Pants
• Radio KoL Bottle Opener
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Radio KoL Flashlight
• Radio KoL Keychain
• Radio KoL Maracas
• Radio KoL Patch
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Retrospecs
• Retrospecs try-at-home kit
• Rock Garden Guide
• Roman Candelabra
• Royal scepter
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• S.I.T. Course Voucher
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Scratch 'n' Sniff Sticker Tome
• Sealed TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Seasonal Beret
• Secrets of the Master Egg Hunters
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Septapus summoning charm
• Seven Loco
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Skipper's accordion
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Small Medium
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SongBoom™ BoomBox Box
• Source shades
• Source terminal
• Source terminal CRAM chip
• Source terminal DRAM chip
• Source terminal GRAM chip
• Source terminal PRAM chip
• Source terminal SPAM chip
• Source terminal TRAM chip
• Spacegate access badge
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• Spelunker's fedora
• Spelunker's khakis
• Spelunker's whip
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Spirit of Christmas
• Spooky Putty ball
• Spooky Putty leotard
• Spooky Putty mitre
• Spooky Putty monster
• St. Pete's sneaky smoothie
• Staff of Queso Escusado
• Staff of the Roaring Hearth
• Star of Bravery
• Stupid University Diploma
• Sword of Procedural Generation
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Tales of the Word Realms
• Talisman of Bakula
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• The Cocktail Shaker
• The Crown of Ed the Undying
• The Eye of the Thing in the Basement
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• The Groose in the Hoose
• The Kloop in the Coop
• The Nuge's favorite crossbow
• The Sagittarian's leisure pants
• The Spirit of Giving
• The Superconductor's CPU
• Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts
• Thwaitgold Illinigina illinoiensis model
• Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette
• Thwaitgold shield bug statuette
• Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette
• Thwaitgold wolf spider statuette
• Time Bandit Badge of Courage
• Time Juice
• Time Lord Badge of Honor
• Time-Spinner
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Tome of Snowcone Summoning
• Tome of Sugar Shummoning
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Trivial Avocations board game
• Truthsayer
• Unagnimated Gnome
• Uncle Crimbo's Sack
• Underworld acorn
• Unopened Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Voluminous Radio Hat
• Voluminous Radio Pants
• Voluminous Radio Sneakers
• Warehouse 23 bling
• Warehouse 23 crate
• White Dragon Fang
• Witchess Set
• X-32-F snowman crate
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeti Protest Sign
• [reuse me]
• adobe abacus
• adobe abaya
• adobe adze
• adobe arsecover
• adobe ascot
• adobe assortment
• adobe ayam
• airplane charter: Conspiracy Island
• airplane charter: That 70s Volcano
• anchor bomb
• annealed drippy orb
• anniversary balsa wood socks
• arse-shooting crossbow
• astronaut ice-cream
• august scepter
• aviator goggles
• baby camelCalf
• baby chest mimic
• backup camera
• baked veggie ricotta casserole
• bat wings
• beet
• bejazzled eyepatch
• best joke ever
• big ol' trophy
• birthday candle
• blank white card
• bodyguard badge
• bodyslam
• book of facts
• book of facts (dog-eared)
• boot plant
• bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon
• bottled green pixie
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• box o' ghosts
• boxed Apriling band helmet
• boxed Sept-Ember Censer
• boxed august scepter
• boxed autumn-aton
• boxed bat wings
• bugbear-smiting sword
• calm attention-deficit demon
• candy cane sword cane
• candy cornucopia
• carbonite visor
• cat o' nine teeth
• cement shoes
• ceramic celery grater
• ceramic celsiturometer
• ceramic cenobite's robe
• ceramic centurion shield
• ceramic cerecloth belt
• ceramic cestus
• ceramic scree
• cherry bomb
• chiffon carbage
• chiffon chakram
• chiffon chamberpot
• chiffon chapeau
• chiffon chaps
• chiffon chemise
• chiffon chevrons
• chili powder cutlass
• clan underground fireworks shop
• class five ecto-larva
• claw-held flag
• closed-circuit pay phone
• closed-circuit phone system
• clovermint
• coal paperweight
• coffee sprite
• cold medicine cabinet
• combat lover's locket
• complicated device
• cop dollar
• crimbo elfling
• cup of "tea"
• cursed Aztec tamale
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed monkey glove
• cursed monkey's paw
• dandy lion cub
• deactivated RoboGoose
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• deflated inflatable dodecapede
• designer sweatpants
• designer sweatpants (new old stock)
• detective roscoe
• detective school application
• deviled candy egg
• diabolic pizza cube
• dirty martini
• doppelshifter egg
• drippy shield
• drippy snail shell
• eerily silent box
• elf sleeper agent
• ember egg
• embering hunk
• emo roe
• empty Rain-Doh can
• enhanced signal receiver
• envelope full of Meat
• evil flaming eyeball pendant
• exclusive club
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• experimental carbon fiber pasta additive
• exploding cigar
• extra DNA
• extra ooze
• familiar scrapbook
• festive warbear bank
• fetus-smashing club
• fist turkey outline
• flagstone fez
• flagstone flag
• flagstone flagments
• flagstone flail
• flagstone fleece
• flagstone flip-flops
• flagstone fringe
• flaming familiar doppelgänger
• flaming juggler's balls
• flaming leaf crown
• flickering pixel
• forest canopy bed
• fragile Christmas ornament
• frankincenser
• fresh coat of paint
• funny paper hat
• fuzzy bracelets
• genie bottle
• glass eye
• glass of "milk"
• glob of extra-green chlorophyll
• goblin bone hilt
• golden pet rock
• golden sausage
• gory drippy orb
• governor's daughter's lace collar
• governor's daughter's pearl hairpin
• governor's daughter's petticoats
• gravyskin buckler
• gravyskin hat
• gravyskin pants
• gravyskin skirt
• grey gosling
• groggles
• grogtini
• guild application
• half-height cigar
• hand of Mr. Cards
• hand turkey outline
• handful of split pea soup
• harpoon
• haunted doghouse
• head of emberg lettuce
• hemp backpack
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hewn moon-rune spoon
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• hibernating Grimstone Golem
• hobo monkey
• holiday smorgasbord
• holiday trip around the world
• homeless hobo spirit
• ice baby
• ice pick
• ice skates
• iceberglet
• in-the-box spring shoes
• industrial fire extinguisher
• infant sandworm
• infinite BACON machine
• inflammable leaf
• intergalactic pom poms
• jitterbug larva
• jolly roger tattoo kit
• kerosene-soaked skip
• kevlateflocite helmet
• kill screen
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• latte lovers club card
• latte lovers member's mug
• leafy browns
• li'l orphan tot
• llama lama cria
• lodestone
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• loofah ladle
• loofah lavalier
• loofah lederhosen
• loofah legwarmers
• loofah lei
• loofah lumberjack's hat
• loofah lumps
• lucky Tam O'Shanter
• lucky army helmet
• lustrous drippy orb
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Skate Park
• mayfly bait necklace
• meatball machine
• mechanically-mulled cider
• medium stone triangle
• meteorite earring
• meteorite fragment
• meteorite necklace
• meteorite ring
• mime pocket probe
• miniature Embering Hulk
• miniature crystal ball
• miniature gravy-covered maypole
• miniscule temporal rip
• mint condition Lil' Doctor™ bag
• mint condition magnifying glass
• mint-in-box Powerful Glove
• model train set
• moss mace
• moss mantle
• moss marlinspike
• moss medal
• moss megaphone
• moss mitre
• moss mulch
• mummified entombed cookbookbat
• mumming trunk
• myrrh pouch
• nativity shorts
• naughty fortune teller
• naughty origami kit
• naughty paper shuriken
• neck wreath
• nervous tick egg
• nest egg
• nylon Christmas stockings
• off-hand balloon
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• optimal spreadsheet
• orange traffic cone
• origami "gentlemen's" magazine
• origami pasties
• origami riding crop
• orphan baby yeti
• over-the-shoulder Folder Holder
• overflowing gift basket
• overloaded Yule battery
• packaged Everfull Dart Holster
• packaged Jurassic Parka
• packaged Roman Candelabra
• packaged SpinMaster™ lathe
• packaged backup camera
• packaged cold medicine cabinet
• packaged industrial fire extinguisher
• packaged luxury garment
• packaged miniature crystal ball
• packaged model train set
• packet of mayfly bait
• packet of mushroom spores
• packet of rock seeds
• packet of tall grass seeds
• pantogram
• passed-out psychedelic bear
• pea brittle
• peace shooter
• peasco sour
• peaza
• peppermint donut
• perfect Christmas scarf
• personal raindrop
• personalized wassail stein
• photo booth sized crate
• piece of cake
• pile of gritty sand
• pile of smoking rags
• pirate hook
• pirate pantaloons
• pirrrate's currrse
• plain calzone
• plans for depleted Grimacite astrolabe
• plans for depleted Grimacite ninja mask
• plans for depleted Grimacite weightlifting belt
• plexifoam chin strap
• plexiglass pants
• plexiglass pendant
• plexiglass pikestaff
• plexiglass pinky ring
• plexiglass pith helmet
• plexiglass pocketwatch
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• portable Mayo Clinic
• portable housekeeping robot
• potted power plant
• power seed
• primitive alien blowgun
• primitive alien loincloth
• primitive alien necklace
• primitive alien spear
• primitive alien totem
• profane eye patch
• protonic accelerator pack
• pumpkin spice whorl
• puzzling trophy
• quantized familiar
• quantized familiar experience
• quantum watch
• raffle ticket
• ragged wool yarn
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• ratatouille de Jarlsberg
• real cowboy hat
• red plumber's boots
• red traffic cone
• refurbished air fryer
• repaid diaper
• research fragment
• residual chitin paste
• roasted vegetable focaccia
• roasted vegetable of Jarlsberg
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rum ball
• sampler size toothpaste
• sangria del diablo
• sea-worn candlestick
• seal medal
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• set of Unobtainium straps
• shadow candle
• shadow chef's hat
• shadow hammer
• shadow hot dog
• shadow martini
• shadow monocle
• shadow needle
• shadow pill
• shadow trousers
• shadowy cheat sheet
• shortest-order cook
• shrine to the Barrel god
• siesta-ing Casagnova gnome
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silk garter snake
• silky pirate drawers
• silver sausage
• sinister ancient tablet
• sinistral homunculus
• skewered cherry
• skewered jumbo olive
• skewered lime
• sleeping patriotic eagle
• sleeping profane parrot
• small stone triangle
• smoldering box
• smoldering leafcutter ant egg
• snowman-enchanting tophat
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• soul monocle
• space planula
• sparkly engagement ring
• spinal-fluid-covered emotion chip
• spooky rattling cigar box
• spring shoes
• squamous polyp
• stainless steel scarf
• stainless steel solitaire
• stainless steel suspenders
• steaming evil
• stinky cheese diaper
• stinky cheese eye
• stinky cheese sword
• strange stone pyramid
• structural ember
• styrofoam peanuts
• subscription cocoa dispenser
• superhero mask
• suspicious package
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talking spade
• tankard of spiced Goldschlepper
• tankard of spiced rum
• tattoo gun
• tattoo of two turkeys
• tearaway pants
• testy toolbox
• thanksgiving bomb
• thermos of "whiskey"
• throwin' ember
• tie-dye headband
• tied-up flaming leaflet
• tied-up flaming monstera
• tied-up leaviathan
• time-twitching toolbelt
• tiny Tina gun
• tiny consolation ribbon
• tiny ember
• tiny plastic "Santa Claus"
• tiny plastic Colonel Brando
• tiny plastic Jedediah and Boiling Cloud
• tiny plastic St. Patrick
• tiny plastic spoiler
• tiny stillsuit
• tooth cap
• toothy trousers
• tropical Crimbo pressie
• unbreakable umbrella
• undrilled cosmic bowling ball
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unemployed hunchbacked minion
• uniclops egg
• unopened tiny stillsuit
• unpowered Robortender
• untorn tearaway pants package
• unwound cymbal-playing monkey
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampyric cloake
• vampyric cloake pattern
• vesper
• void burger
• void lager
• void stone
• voodoo doll
• wad of Crovacite
• warbear black box
• warbear breakfast machine
• warbear soda machine
• wardrobe-o-matic
• watermelon seed
• webbed comic mask
• wheel of camembert
• whirled peas
• wizard action figure
• wolf whistle
• yam and swiss
• yam battery
• yam martini
• yellow puck with a bow on it
• yellow traffic cone
• yuletide troll chrysalis
• zombie monkey necklace