| #113 | "Humorous" T-shirt | 1 |
| #22 | A Beginner's Guide to Charming Snakes (used) | 1 |
| #12 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1 (used) | 1 |
| #7 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 2 (used) | 1 |
| #9 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3 (used) | 1 |
| #8 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4 (used) | 1 |
| #10 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5 (used) | 1 |
| #8 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6 (used) | 1 |
| #112 | Aluminum Epsilon of Humility | 3 |
| #39 | Ancient Saucehelm | 26 |
| #21 | Angelhair Culottes | 22 |
| #27 | Autobiography Of Dynamite Superman Jones (used) | 1 |
| #27 | Ax of L'rose | 1 |
| #612 | Baron von Ratsworth's money clip | 1 |
| #630 | Baron von Ratsworth's monocle | 19 |
| #1258 | Baron von Ratsworth's tophat | 1 |
| #522 | Blue Diamond of Honesty | 1 |
| 🥇 | Bodacious MechaElf Hunter Saga:Relay Wolf | 1 |
| #23 | Bonerdagon necklace | 177 |
| #469 | Boss Bat bling | 7 |
| #89 | Boss Bat britches | 108 |
| #37 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) (used) | 1 |
| #33 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) (used) | 1 |
| #35 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) (used) | 1 |
| #32 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) (used) | 1 |
| #32 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) (used) | 1 |
| #529 | CRIMBCO lanyard | 1 |
| #1035 | CRIMBCO mug | 8 |
| #929 | CRIMBCO wine | 7 |
| #6 | Celsius 233 (singed) | 1 |
| 🥉 | Cocktails of the Age of Sail (used) | 1 |
| #355 | Codpiece of the Goblin King | 21 |
| #29 | Colander of Em-er'il | 25 |
| #117 | Copper Alpha of Sincerity | 22 |
| #6 | Crimbomination Contraption | 1 |
| #4 | Crimbot ROM: Mathematical Precision (dirty) | 1 |
| 🥈 | Crimbot ROM: Rapid Prototyping (dirty) | 1 |
| #4 | Crimbot ROM: Ruthless Efficiency (dirty) | 1 |
| #778 | Dickory Farms Gift Basket | 7 |
| #13 | Disco 'Fro Pick | 44 |
| #71 | Discount Telescope Warehouse gift certificate | 5 |
| #9 | Drowsy Sword | 462 |
| #27 | El Sombrero De Lopez | 38 |
| #49 | Elder Turtle Shell | 20 |
| 🥈 | Elf Guard Field Manual: Culinary Arts (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | Elf Guard Field Manual: Extortion (used) | 1 |
| 🥉 | Elf Guard Field Manual: Wilderness Sleeping (used) | 1 |
| #16 | Ellsbury's journal (used) | 1 |
| #13 | Field Guide to Skeletal Anatomy (shredded) | 1 |
| 🥇 | French slippers | 1 |
| #30 | Frosty's snowball sack | 2 |
| #34 | Galapagosian Cuisses | 16 |
| #479 | Glass Balls of the Goblin King | 5 |
| #106 | Green Clover of Justice | 15 |
| 🥉 | Hjodor's Guide to Arctic Dalmatians (used) | 1 |
| #21 | Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration (crumpled) | 1 |
| #25 | Iron Beta of Industry | 268 |
| #44 | Krakrox's Loincloth | 15 |
| 🥇 | LWA ring | 1 |
| #227 | Lead Zeta of Chastity | 1 |
| #21 | Lederhosen of the Night | 34 |
| #12 | Lord Spookyraven's ear trumpet | 462 |
| #45 | Martialest Arts trophy | 1 |
| #33 | Newman's Own Trousers | 21 |
| #37 | Nickel Gamma of Frugality | 107 |
| #28 | Orange Star of Sacrifice | 36 |
| #164 | Order of the Silver Wossname | 4 |
| #69 | Pan-Dimensional Gargle Blaster | 23 |
| #116 | Pink Heart of Spirit | 9 |
| 🥈 | Pocket Guide to Mild Evil (used) | 1 |
| 🥇 | Pocket Meteor Guide (well-thumbed) | 1 |
| #100 | Purple Horseshoe of Honor | 2 |
| #23 | Red Balloon of Valor | 8 |
| #40 | Scalp of Gorgolok | 25 |
| #7 | Spelunker of Fortune (used) | 1 |
| #4 | Stephen's lab coat | 122 |
| #68 | Tales of a Kansas Toymaker (used) | 1 |
| #21 | The Art of Slapfighting (used) | 1 |
| #5 | The Big Book of Communism (used) | 1 |
| 🥉 | The Encyclopedia of Fruit (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 1 (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 2 (used) | 1 |
| #5 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 3 (used) | 1 |
| #8 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 4 (used) | 1 |
| #7 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 5 (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 6 (used) | 1 |
| #48 | The Joy of Wassailing (used) | 1 |
| #7 | The Necbronomicon (used) | 2 |
| #4 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 1 (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 2 (used) | 1 |
| 🥇 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 3 (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 4 (used) | 1 |
| 🥇 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 5 (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Night Before Crimbo, Ch. 6 (used) | 1 |
| #9 | The Nose Knows, A Guide to Smells (read) | 1 |
| 🥈 | The Spirit of Crimbo | 1 |
| #1000 | Thwaitgold Goliath beetle statuette | 3 |
| #35 | Thwaitgold amoeba statuette | 10 |
| #829 | Thwaitgold ant statuette | 1 |
| #27 | Thwaitgold anti-moth statuette | 9 |
| #376 | Thwaitgold bee statuette | 6 |
| #229 | Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette | 3 |
| #5 | Thwaitgold bookworm statuette | 21 |
| #17 | Thwaitgold bug statuette | 22 |
| #1013 | Thwaitgold butterfly statuette | 1 |
| #66 | Thwaitgold buzzy beetle statuette | 11 |
| #83 | Thwaitgold caterpillar statuette | 8 |
| #15 | Thwaitgold chigger statuette | 11 |
| #176 | Thwaitgold cockroach statuette | 4 |
| #252 | Thwaitgold dragonfly statuette | 15 |
| #16 | Thwaitgold fire beetle statuette | 6 |
| #191 | Thwaitgold firefly statuette | 14 |
| #820 | Thwaitgold grasshopper statuette | 4 |
| #88 | Thwaitgold harvestman statuette | 1 |
| #306 | Thwaitgold keyhole spider statuette | 1 |
| #33 | Thwaitgold listening bug statuette | 6 |
| #253 | Thwaitgold maggot statuette | 13 |
| #34 | Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette | 13 |
| #48 | Thwaitgold metabug statuette | 6 |
| #109 | Thwaitgold mosquito statuette | 12 |
| #21 | Thwaitgold mosquito-in-amber statuette | 6 |
| #53 | Thwaitgold moth statuette | 6 |
| #260 | Thwaitgold nit statuette | 1 |
| #32 | Thwaitgold nymph statuette | 20 |
| #623 | Thwaitgold praying mantis statuette | 1 |
| #94 | Thwaitgold protozoa statuette | 6 |
| #416 | Thwaitgold quantum bug statuette | 1 |
| #340 | Thwaitgold scarab beetle statuette | 12 |
| #40 | Thwaitgold scorpion statuette | 15 |
| #753 | Thwaitgold slug statuette | 1 |
| #312 | Thwaitgold spider statuette | 10 |
| #78 | Thwaitgold splendor beetle statuette | 9 |
| #457 | Thwaitgold stag beetle statuette | 15 |
| #1241 | Thwaitgold termite statuette | 1 |
| #126 | Thwaitgold time fly statuette | 1 |
| #516 | Thwaitgold wheel bug statuette | 1 |
| #505 | Thwaitgold woollybear statuette | 3 |
| #22 | Uncle Romulus (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | Underworld trunk | 1 |
| #200 | Unionize The Elves sign | 1 |
| #248 | Uranium Omega of Temperance | 1 |
| #13 | Volartta's bellbottoms | 34 |
| #47 | Yellow Moon of Compassion | 36 |
| #42 | Zinc Delta of Tranquility | 19 |
| #24 | Zu Mannkäse Dienen (used) | 1 |
| #79 | adorable seal larva | 17 |
| #14 | alien source code printout (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary balsa wood socks | 1 |
| 🥇 | anniversary burlap belt | 1 |
| #227 | anniversary chutney sculpture | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary concrete fedora | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary pewter cape | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary safety glass vest | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary tiny latex mask | 1 |
| #130 | bad-ass club | 1 |
| #13 | badass belt | 541 |
| #18 | baneful bandolier | 2 |
| #505 | bath ball gift set | 10 |
| #759 | blue glowstick | 1 |
| 🥇 | book of facts (dog-eared) | 1 |
| #3978 | box of sunshine | 14 |
| 🥇 | bucket of anniversary lard | 1 |
| #35 | bundle of "fragrant" herbs | 1 |
| #58 | chamoisole | 1 |
| #261 | cheap toaster | 8 |
| 🥉 | control crystal | 1 |
| #65 | depleted uranium seal figurine | 9 |
| 🥇 | detour shield | 1 |
| #15 | diabolical crossbow | 1 |
| #64 | easter egg balloon | 155 |
| 🥈 | eerily silent box | 1 |
| #60 | enchanted leopard-print barbell | 23 |
| #1176 | festive sausage | 1 |
| #58 | figurine of a charred seal | 38 |
| #12 | figurine of a cold seal | 152 |
| #7 | figurine of a shadowy seal | 85 |
| #36 | figurine of a sleek seal | 42 |
| #193 | figurine of a slippery seal | 9 |
| #119 | figurine of a stinking seal | 20 |
| #17 | figurine of a wretched-looking seal | 70 |
| #303 | figurine of an ancient seal | 1 |
| #1610 | flashing novelty button | 1 |
| #73 | friendly cheez blob | 21 |
| #14 | frost-rimed seal hide | 43 |
| #14 | fustulent seal grulch | 37 |
| #6 | fuzzy busby | 162 |
| #410 | fuzzy dice | 11 |
| #12 | fuzzy earmuffs | 126 |
| #6 | fuzzy montera | 128 |
| #19 | gearbox necklace | 24 |
| #9 | ghost of a necklace | 374 |
| #14 | gold wedding ring | 393 |
| #1007 | green glowstick | 1 |
| #6 | grisly shield | 1 |
| #8 | grue egg | 572 |
| #20 | handful of confetti | 521 |
| #22 | heart of the volcano | 139 |
| #867 | holiday cheese log | 1 |
| #48 | hyperinflated seal lung | 17 |
| #50 | ingot of seal-iron | 7 |
| #43 | jar of anniversary jam | 1 |
| #46 | macaroni duck | 19 |
| #16 | malevolent medallion | 1 |
| #570 | motivational poster | 7 |
| #40 | nuclear stockpile | 1 |
| #41 | obsidian dagger | 136 |
| #16 | pernicious cudgel | 1 |
| #930 | pink glowstick | 2 |
| #133 | pirate fledges | 1 |
| #10 | powdered sealbone | 111 |
| #36 | puzzling ribbon | 1 |
| 🥈 | record of infuriating silence (used) | 1 |
| 🥉 | record of menacing silence (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | record of tranquil silence (used) | 1 |
| 🥈 | red and green rain stick | 1 |
| #9 | red traffic cone | 1 |
| #1298 | rib of the Bonerdagon | 1 |
| #10 | rose-colored glasses | 1 |
| #9 | rusty chain necklace | 131 |
| 🥇 | rxr shield | 1 |
| #85 | sandwich of the gods | 23 |
| #11 | sawblade shield | 134 |
| #11 | scrap of shadow | 35 |
| #23 | seal lube | 24 |
| #214 | sealhide seal doll | 5 |
| #145 | sealhide snare | 4 |
| #81 | secret from the future | 2 |
| #13 | severed flipper | 11 |
| #20 | sizzling seal fat | 23 |
| #42 | slime-covered club | 1 |
| #23 | slime-covered compass | 1 |
| #14 | slime-covered greaves | 1 |
| #12 | slime-covered helmet | 1 |
| #18 | slime-covered lantern | 1 |
| #34 | slime-covered necklace | 1 |
| #33 | slime-covered shovel | 1 |
| #35 | slime-covered speargun | 1 |
| #8 | slime-covered staff | 1 |
| #214 | slime-soaked brain | 1 |
| #202 | slime-soaked hypophysis | 1 |
| #205 | slime-soaked sweat gland | 1 |
| 🥉 | slippery when wet shield | 1 |
| #436 | slow jam collection | 10 |
| #106 | spandex anniversary shorts | 1 |
| #29 | spark plug earring | 19 |
| #16 | spectre scepter | 464 |
| 🥈 | speed limit shield | 1 |
| 🥇 | stop shield | 1 |
| #41 | stray chihuahua | 33 |
| #21 | tainted seal's blood | 22 |
| 🥇 | time sleigh | 1 |
| #174 | tin star | 1 |
| #73 | untamable turtle | 16 |
| #16 | unusual disco ball | 35 |
| #12 | vertebra of the Bonerdagon | 237 |
| #564 | wad of cotton | 4 |
| 🥇 | wand of fudge control | 1 |
| #20 | warbear empathy chip (used) | 1 |
| #45 | warbear metalworking primer (used) | 1 |
| #37 | woven baling wire bracelets | 16 |
| #8 | wrench bracelet | 146 |
| #740 | yellow glowstick | 1 |
| 🥇 | yield shield | 1 |