| #113 | "Humorous" T-shirt | 1 |
| #651 | A Beginner's Guide to Charming Snakes | 1 |
| #410 | Aluminum Epsilon of Humility | 1 |
| #2228 | Ancient Saucehelm | 1 |
| #1132 | Asleep in the Cemetery | 1 |
| #1046 | BGE merchandise order form | 1 |
| #522 | Blue Diamond of Honesty | 1 |
| #1736 | Breathetastic™ Premium Canned Air | 1 |
| #40 | Brimstone Beret | 1 |
| #64 | Brimstone Bludgeon | 1 |
| #102 | Brimstone Boxers | 1 |
| #24 | Brimstone Bracelet | 1 |
| #32 | Brimstone Brooch | 1 |
| #40 | Brimstone Bunker | 1 |
| #1117 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) | 1 |
| #1013 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) | 1 |
| #1054 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) | 1 |
| #1020 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) | 1 |
| #1009 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) | 1 |
| #1474 | Colander of Em-er'il | 2 |
| #399 | Cookbook of the Damned | 1 |
| #1367 | Copper Alpha of Sincerity | 1 |
| #98 | Crimbo stocking | 1 |
| #1697 | Disco 'Fro Pick | 2 |
| #1782 | El Sombrero De Lopez | 1 |
| #1460 | Elder Turtle Shell | 2 |
| #1169 | FDKOL commendation | 1 |
| #519 | FDKOL hotcakes | 1 |
| #1436 | Green Clover of Justice | 1 |
| #1670 | Iron Beta of Industry | 1 |
| #1197 | Jack-in-the-box | 1 |
| #156 | Knob Goblin tongs | 117 |
| #212 | Knob stuffed shells | 5 |
| #226 | Lead Zeta of Chastity | 1 |
| #83 | Libram of Divine Favors | 1 |
| #304 | Mae West | 1 |
| #1110 | Meleegra™ pills | 1 |
| #1757 | Mob Penguin cellular phone | 3 |
| #302 | Mob Penguin protection contract | 10 |
| #172 | Mr. Accessory | 1 |
| #1568 | Nickel Gamma of Frugality | 1 |
| #1266 | Orange Star of Sacrifice | 1 |
| #525 | Order of the Silver Wossname | 1 |
| #813 | Pink Heart of Spirit | 1 |
| #100 | Purple Horseshoe of Honor | 2 |
| #259 | Red Balloon of Valor | 1 |
| #2541 | Scalp of Gorgolok | 1 |
| #1058 | St. Sneaky Pete's Day goodies basket | 3 |
| #1032 | The Mariachi's guitar case | 1 |
| #1150 | Thwaitgold woollybear statuette | 1 |
| #61 | Time Juice | 8 |
| #699 | Uncle Romulus | 1 |
| #248 | Uranium Omega of Temperance | 1 |
| #1025 | Valentine | 12 |
| #1286 | Wand of Nagamar | 1 |
| #4 | Warehouse 23 crate | 1 |
| #1612 | Yellow Moon of Compassion | 1 |
| #139 | Yeti Protest Sign | 1 |
| #1168 | Zinc Delta of Tranquility | 1 |
| #281 | a little sump'm sump'm | 10 |
| #350 | anniversary gift box | 8 |
| #1146 | banana | 1 |
| #10 | big red clown nose | 4,211 |
| #138 | blank diary | 1 |
| #200 | bloody clown pants | 37 |
| #912 | box of sunshine | 279 |
| #2369 | brick | 2 |
| #928 | brine | 11 |
| #292 | broken cellular phone | 11 |
| #1817 | can of Binarrrca | 1 |
| #856 | clown hammer | 26 |
| #21 | clown shoes | 366 |
| #818 | clown skin | 1 |
| #73 | clown whip | 2 |
| #185 | clown wig | 1 |
| #238 | clownskin belt | 1 |
| #111 | clownskin buckler | 1 |
| #202 | clownskin harness | 1 |
| 🥉 | control crystal | 1 |
| #129 | cream pie | 11 |
| #402 | curmudgel | 1 |
| #1174 | dill | 11 |
| #465 | drop of water-37 | 1 |
| #5140 | easter egg balloon | 1 |
| #2520 | fancy chocolate | 1 |
| #9 | flaming juggler's balls | 1 |
| 🥉 | foolscap fool's cap | 24,882 |
| #10 | funny bone | 201 |
| #1346 | ghost cucumber | 11 |
| #1203 | gloomy black mushroom | 2 |
| #3467 | grue egg | 4 |
| #1993 | heart necklace | 3 |
| #323 | iced-out bling | 1 |
| #909 | ketchup hound | 1 |
| #2078 | mafia aria | 1 |
| #261 | oily golden mushroom | 2 |
| 🥇 | old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie | 1 |
| #153 | outrageous sombrero | 1 |
| #1350 | oyster basket | 2 |
| #808 | party hat | 1 |
| #498 | petrified time | 1 |
| #330 | phish stick | 3 |
| 🥇 | pirate hook | 1 |
| #212 | plexiglass pendant | 1 |
| #327 | plexiglass pikestaff | 1 |
| #289 | plexiglass pith helmet | 1 |
| #181 | plexiglass pocketwatch | 1 |
| #14 | polka-dot bow tie | 37 |
| #23 | pompadour'd puppy | 1 |
| #1315 | pork elf goodies sack | 2 |
| #1783 | porquoise | 2 |
| #146 | ridiculous cocktail | 11 |
| #72 | ridiculous earring | 1 |
| #554 | right half of a heart necklace | 1 |
| #300 | roll in the hay | 5 |
| #422 | severed rocking horse head | 1 |
| #244 | shingle | 30 |
| #1799 | stainless steel scarf | 1 |
| #2241 | stainless steel shillelagh | 1 |
| #2143 | stainless steel skullcap | 1 |
| #2249 | stainless steel slacks | 1 |
| #1863 | stainless steel solitaire | 1 |
| #1712 | stainless steel suspenders | 1 |
| #753 | stick-on eyebrow piercing | 3 |
| #2261 | string of blue beads | 1 |
| #2260 | string of green beads | 1 |
| #2246 | string of red beads | 1 |
| #2067 | stuffed mink | 11 |
| #269 | sucker bucket | 1 |
| #257 | sucker hakama | 1 |
| #219 | sucker kabuto | 1 |
| #278 | sucker tachi | 1 |
| #1488 | support cummerbund | 1 |
| 🥇 | time sleigh | 1 |
| #174 | tin star | 1 |
| #1219 | towel | 4 |
| 🥇 | tropical Crimbo pressie | 1 |
| #634 | twinkly wad | 51 |
| #1179 | vinegar | 11 |
| #320 | war tongs | 4 |