In their foolhardy quest to collect every item, this player comes 274 short.

• 1 Meat
• 2002 Mr. Store Catalog
• Admiral's hat
• Adventurer's Kit
• Annual Ascot
• Apriling band helmet
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Bastille Battalion Fondue Trophy
• Beach Comb
• Bee's Knees
• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bird-a-Day calendar
• Bugfinder Blade
• Cargo Cultist Shorts
• Carol of the Bulls (used)
• Carol of the Hells (used)
• Carol of the Thrills (used)
• Cat-Herding Prod
• Cincho de Mayo
• Cold One
• Crimbo pressie
• Crimbuccaneer war standard
• Daylight Shavings Helmet
• Deck of Every Card
• Diamond HP-35 Calculator
• Drip Institute petri dish
• Eight Days a Week Pill Keeper
• Elf Guard war standard
• Emblem of Ak'gyxoth
• Everfull Dart Holster
• First Post shirt - Cir Senam
• Flivver
• Fourth of May Cosplay Saber
• Frank Gorshin trophy
• Garland of Greatness
• General Assembly Module
• Golden HP-35 Calculator
• Golden Mr. Eh?
• Great S-Cape
• Gregarious Gregorian Smock
• Grimacite gaiters
• Grimacite galoshes
• Grimacite gasmask
• Grimacite gat
• Grimacite gauntlets
• Grimacite glaive
• Grimacite go-go boots
• Grimacite goggles
• Grimacite gorget
• Grimacite gown
• Grimacite greaves
• Grimacite guayabera
• Gummi-Memory
• HP-35 Calculator
• Hat O' Nine Tails
• Hot Socks
• Idol of Ak'gyxoth
• Ish Kabibble
• Item #13
• Iunion Crown
• January's Garbage Tote
• Jeppson's Malort
• Jick-o-User
• June cleaver
• Jurassic Parka
• KoL Con 12-gauge
• KoL Con 3-D Glasses
• KoL Con 8-Bit power bracelet
• KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat
• KoL Con IV Pole
• KoL Con Six Pack
• KoL Con X Bingo Card
• KoL Con X Treasure Map
• Kramco Sausage-o-Matic™
• Kremlin's Greatest Briefcase
• LARP carp
• Lazenby's Life Lesson
• Leapin' Trousers
• Lil' Doctor™ bag
• Lucky Lindy
• MAHI fez
• Mallomarbles
• Marvelous Unitard
• Mayam Calendar
• McHugeLarge duffel bag
• Meteoid ice beam
• Mjolnir Jr.
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• Mr. Exploiter
• Mt. Noob Pale Ale
• PARTY HARD T-shirt
• Panda outfit
• Periodical Paintbrush
• Petite Paintbrush
• Phonus Balonus
• Quartet of Flare Masters Jacket
• Radio Free Jersey
• Radio KoL Coffee Mug
• Rainbow Jello Mould
• Retrospecs
• Roman Candelabra
• S.I.T. Course Completion Certificate
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini
• Seasonal Beret
• Senior LAAAAME merit badge
• Sept-Ember Censer
• Seven Loco
• Silver HP-35 Calculator
• Size XI Wizard's Robe
• Skipper's accordion
• Sloppy Jalopy
• Sockdollager
• Solstice Shield
• Sombrero De Vida
• SongBoom™ BoomBox
• SpinMaster™ lathe
• Star of Bravery
• Stupid University Diploma
• TakerSpace letter of Marque
• Temporal Tempera Tube
• The Fingernail of the Thing in the Basement
• Time Juice
• Time Lord Badge of Honor
• Toddler-sized Dragon Costume
• Toot Oriole care package
• Totally Gay Claymore
• Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg
• Val-U Brand Every Bean Salad
• Xlyinia's notebook
• Yeti Protest Sign
• alpine watercolor set
• anniversary tiny latex mask
• arse-shooting crossbow
• august scepter
• backup camera
• bat wings
• big ol' trophy
• blank note
• blank white card
• blue traffic cone
• boot plant
• booze drive button
• bowl of oriole's nest soup
• briefcase full of sprinkles
• bugbear-smiting sword
• candy cane sword cane
• candy drive button
• carbonite visor
• closed-circuit pay phone
• combat lover's locket
• cozy scarf
• crepe paper pared cuttings
• crepe paper peanut candy
• crushed steamer trunk
• cup of "tea"
• cursed magnifying glass
• cursed monkey's paw
• custom avatar form
• defective Golden Mr. Accessory
• designer sweatpants
• drippy snail shell
• empty Rain-Doh can
• enhanced signal receiver
• exclusive ultra-rare item
• experimental carbon fiber pasta additive
• extra special Crimbo stocking
• familiar scrapbook
• fetus-smashing club
• flickering pixel
• food drive button
• frankincenser
• fresh coat of paint
• fuzzy bracelets
• genie bottle
• glass of "milk"
• golden sausage
• goo magnet
• green traffic cone
• guild application
• hazardous sauce dosimeter
• heteroerotic frat-paddle
• hi-density nylocite leg armor
• intergalactic pom poms
• kevlateflocite helmet
• large stone triangle
• laser cannon
• laser targeting chip
• longbox of Batfellow comics
• luxury fly-tying workbench
• map to Anemone Mine
• map to Dolph Bossin's hideout
• map to Madness Reef
• map to the Cursed Village
• map to the Dive Bar
• map to the Marinara Trench
• map to the Mystic Wood
• map to the Putrid Swamp
• map to the Skate Park
• map to the Sprawling Cemetery
• map to the Towering Mountains
• medium stone triangle
• miniature crystal ball
• model train set
• mumming trunk
• myrrh pouch
• nativity shorts
• neck wreath
• nest egg
• orange traffic cone
• packet of rock seeds
• personalized wassail stein
• petrified wood wafer praline
• petrified wood waist protector
• petrified wood walking pants
• petrified wood war pike
• petrified wood waste parts
• petrified wood water purifier
• petrified wood whoopie panama
• petrified wood wizard's pouch
• pirate pantaloons
• plexifoam chin strap
• polymorphic fastening apparatus
• potted power plant
• puzzling trophy
• quantized familiar
• raffle ticket
• rainbow pearl
• rainbow pearl earring
• rainbow pearl necklace
• rainbow pearl ring
• real cowboy hat
• recovered cufflinks
• research fragment
• rubber WWBBDD? bracelet
• rubber baby doll
• seal medal
• second-hand knockoff engagement ring
• server room key
• set of Unobtainium straps
• silicon-infused gluteal shield
• silver sausage
• skull of the Bonerdagon
• small stone triangle
• sober pill
• soft cap of diminishing returns
• sparkly engagement ring
• spinal-fluid-covered emotion chip
• spring shoes
• steaming evil
• strange stone pyramid
• sugar raygun
• superhero mask
• sweat-ade
• tabletop candy dispenser
• talking spade
• tearaway pants
• testy toolbox
• thermos of "whiskey"
• tiny plastic Abuela's cottage
• tiny plastic Armory
• tiny plastic Bar
• tiny plastic Cafe
• tiny plastic Factory
• toy Cupid bow
• unbreakable umbrella
• unearthed volcanic meteoroid
• unwrapped knock-off retro superhero cape
• vampyric cloake
• voodoo doll
• wad of Crovacite
• wardrobe-o-matic
• webbed comic mask
• yellow traffic cone
• zombie monkey necklace