| #639 | Amulet of Yendor | 27 |
| #281 | Codex of Capsaicin Conjuration | 1 |
| #399 | Cookbook of the Damned | 1 |
| #110 | Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E. | 1 |
| #1004 | Feng Shui for Big Dumb Idiots | 1 |
| #277 | Gazpacho's Glacial Grimoire | 1 |
| #95 | Hodgman's harmonica | 1 |
| #147 | Libram of Candy Heart Summoning | 1 |
| #29 | Libram of Divine Favors | 2 |
| #44 | March hat | 1 |
| #19 | McPhee's Grimoire of Hilarious Object Summoning | 2 |
| #471 | Necrotelicomnicon | 1 |
| 🥈 | Now and Earlier | 5,669 |
| #108 | Oscus's garbage can lid | 1 |
| #170 | Rainbow's Gravity | 1 |
| #143 | Really Expensive Jewelry and You | 1 |
| #470 | Sinful Desires | 1 |
| #54 | Sp'n-Zor's Grimoire of "Tasteful" Gifts | 2 |
| #24 | Spooky Surprise Egg | 640 |
| #63 | Staff of Blood and Pudding | 1 |
| #27 | Staff of the Grand Flambé | 1 |
| #27 | Staff of the Grease Trap | 1 |
| #85 | Staff of the Greasefire | 1 |
| #34 | Staff of the Kitchen Floor | 1 |
| #91 | Staff of the Midnight Snack | 1 |
| #65 | Staff of the Short Order Cook | 1 |
| #50 | Staff of the Walk-In Freezer | 1 |
| #852 | The Big Book of Pirate Insults | 1 |
| #34 | Tome of Snowcone Summoning | 1 |
| #258 | ant sickle | 1 |
| #1923 | awful poetry journal | 1 |
| #136 | bad penguin egg | 1 |
| #943 | bag of airline peanuts | 24 |
| #875 | black candy heart | 1 |
| #302 | blue glowstick | 5 |
| #16 | bobble-hip hula elf doll | 5 |
| #355 | borg sock monkey | 5 |
| #26 | bottled green pixie | 2 |
| #955 | brick | 33 |
| #527 | chintzy turtle brooch | 1 |
| #980 | chunk of depleted Grimacite | 9 |
| #61 | class five ecto-larva | 1 |
| #977 | clown hammer | 20 |
| #346 | cyborg doll | 5 |
| #667 | cymbal syrup | 1 |
| #852 | defective skull | 17 |
| #1854 | disturbing fanfic | 1 |
| #138 | divine blowout | 265 |
| #137 | divine can of silly string | 274 |
| #183 | divine champagne flute | 82 |
| #145 | divine champagne popper | 73 |
| #162 | divine cracker | 72 |
| #128 | divine noisemaker | 284 |
| #656 | donkey flipbook | 1 |
| #513 | encoder ring | 29 |
| #923 | explosion-flavored chewing gum | 22 |
| #1945 | facsimile dictionary | 1 |
| #1084 | fake fake vomit | 18 |
| #904 | fake hand | 21 |
| #11 | fetid feather | 2,000 |
| #268 | filthy lucre | 126 |
| #11 | flaming feather | 2,000 |
| #1610 | flashing novelty button | 1 |
| #7 | flirtatious feather | 2,000 |
| #9 | frightful feather | 2,000 |
| #8 | frozen feather | 2,000 |
| 🥈 | gauze garter | 10,897 |
| #99 | giant book of ancient carols | 1 |
| #69 | homeless hobo spirit | 1 |
| #10 | ice baby | 1 |
| #553 | incredibly creepy marionette | 5 |
| #981 | jazz soap | 21 |
| #87 | jewel-eyed wizard hat | 1 |
| #924 | joybuzzer | 24 |
| #499 | kickback cookbook | 1 |
| #506 | killer rag doll | 5 |
| #270 | library card | 1 |
| #44 | llama lama cria | 2 |
| #560 | mad scientist's sock monkey | 5 |
| #986 | magical ice cube with a fly in it | 20 |
| #331 | marionette | 5 |
| #147 | marionette collective | 5 |
| #210 | meatsmithing guide | 1 |
| 🥇 | melted Jell-o shot | 33,324 |
| #679 | mood ring | 2 |
| #35 | naughty origami kit | 2 |
| #33 | navel ring of navel gazing | 1 |
| #865 | oriole-feather headdress | 1 |
| #810 | pet rock "Groucho" disguise | 23 |
| #887 | pet rock "Snooty" disguise | 27 |
| 🥈 | pile of smoking rags | 1 |
| #119 | pirate brochure | 1 |
| #148 | pirate pamphlet | 1 |
| #131 | pirate tract | 1 |
| #96 | plastic pumpkin bucket | 1 |
| #586 | radio button candy | 1 |
| #433 | rag doll | 5 |
| #1142 | rubber emo roe | 16 |
| #116 | sane hatrack | 1 |
| #279 | sensitive poetry journal | 1 |
| #477 | sock monkey | 5 |
| #2327 | solid gold bowling ball | 2 |
| #20 | tiny bottle of absinthe | 1,576 |
| #53 | toy deathbot | 20 |
| #376 | toy mercenary | 20 |
| #65 | toy soldier | 20 |
| #19 | unemployed hunchbacked minion | 1 |
| #23 | unwound cymbal-playing monkey | 1 |
| #43 | wedge of gray cheese | 1 |
| #915 | whoopie cushion | 29 |
| #1127 | wind-up chattering teeth | 18 |
| #706 | x-ray specs | 22 |
| #1076 | yellow snowcone | 22 |