| #196 | 5-Alarm Saucepan | 2 |
| #651 | A Beginner's Guide to Charming Snakes | 1 |
| #22 | A Beginner's Guide to Charming Snakes (used) | 1 |
| #12 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 1 (used) | 1 |
| #7 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 2 (used) | 1 |
| #9 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 3 (used) | 1 |
| #8 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4 (used) | 1 |
| #297 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5 | 1 |
| #10 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5 (used) | 1 |
| #8 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6 (used) | 1 |
| #27 | Autobiography Of Dynamite Superman Jones (used) | 1 |
| #24 | Batfellow comic | 10 |
| #36 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) (used) | 1 |
| #33 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) (used) | 1 |
| #35 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) (used) | 1 |
| #32 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) (used) | 1 |
| #32 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) (used) | 1 |
| #16 | CRIMBCO mug | 1,157 |
| #516 | CRIMBCO wine | 15 |
| #312 | Cerebral Crossbow | 1 |
| #4 | Crimbot ROM: Mathematical Precision (dirty) | 1 |
| 🥈 | Crimbot ROM: Rapid Prototyping (dirty) | 1 |
| #4 | Crimbot ROM: Ruthless Efficiency (dirty) | 1 |
| #51 | Crown of Thrones | 1 |
| 🥇 | Deactivated MiniMechaElf | 1 |
| #261 | Dickory Farms Gift Basket | 23 |
| #809 | El Sombrero De Lopez | 3 |
| #39 | En Una Fila Tequila | 2 |
| #248 | Fudgie Roll | 1 |
| 🥈 | Fuzzby | 1 |
| #1670 | Iron Beta of Industry | 1 |
| #17 | Jarlsberg's pan | 1 |
| #67 | Kentucky-fried meat crossbow | 1 |
| #134 | Li'l Businessman Kit | 1 |
| #32 | Make-Your-Own-Vampire-Fangs kit | 1 |
| #470 | Sinful Desires | 1 |
| #22 | Snow Suit | 1 |
| #5 | Spooky Putty sheet | 1 |
| #68 | Tales of a Kansas Toymaker (used) | 1 |
| #601 | The Art of Slapfighting | 1 |
| #21 | The Art of Slapfighting (used) | 1 |
| #5 | The Big Book of Communism (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 1 (used) | 1 |
| #4 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 2 (used) | 1 |
| #36 | Thinknerd's Grimoire of Geeky Gifts | 1 |
| #1558 | Thwaitgold Goliath beetle statuette | 1 |
| #829 | Thwaitgold ant statuette | 1 |
| #1570 | Thwaitgold bee statuette | 1 |
| #396 | Thwaitgold bombardier beetle statuette | 1 |
| #828 | Thwaitgold bookworm statuette | 1 |
| #1013 | Thwaitgold butterfly statuette | 1 |
| #1401 | Thwaitgold dragonfly statuette | 1 |
| #1722 | Thwaitgold firefly statuette | 1 |
| #1939 | Thwaitgold grasshopper statuette | 1 |
| #1784 | Thwaitgold maggot statuette | 1 |
| #247 | Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette | 1 |
| #432 | Thwaitgold nymph statuette | 1 |
| #623 | Thwaitgold praying mantis statuette | 1 |
| #2330 | Thwaitgold stag beetle statuette | 1 |
| #1151 | Thwaitgold woollybear statuette | 1 |
| 🥇 | Tickle-Me Emilio | 1 |
| #35 | Unagnimated Gnome | 1 |
| #14 | alien source code printout (used) | 1 |
| 🥇 | anniversary burlap belt | 1 |
| #227 | anniversary chutney sculpture | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary concrete fedora | 1 |
| 🥈 | anniversary safety glass vest | 1 |
| #435 | asbestos crossbow | 1 |
| #366 | badass belt | 114 |
| #112 | basic meat crossbow | 1 |
| #219 | bath ball gift set | 22 |
| #138 | blank diary | 1 |
| #48 | box of bear arms | 1 |
| #66 | bubblewrap crossbow | 1 |
| 🥇 | bucket of anniversary lard | 1 |
| #117 | bungle in the jungle | 11 |
| #98 | can cannon | 1 |
| #56 | cardboard crossbow | 1 |
| #452 | chrome crossbow | 1 |
| #68 | clockwork crossbow | 1 |
| #33 | deanimated reanimator's coffin | 1 |
| #48 | dense meat crossbow | 1 |
| #1854 | disturbing fanfic | 1 |
| #10 | dreaming Jung man | 1 |
| #114 | eXtreme meat crossbow | 1 |
| #107 | easter egg balloon | 120 |
| #1610 | flashing novelty button | 1 |
| #421 | fuzzy busby | 5 |
| #3215 | fuzzy dice | 2 |
| #418 | fuzzy earmuffs | 3 |
| #493 | fuzzy montera | 2 |
| #427 | gift-a-pult | 1 |
| #43 | jar of anniversary jam | 1 |
| #456 | linoleum crossbow | 1 |
| #117 | mime army rations | 3 |
| #89 | mime army superserum | 2 |
| #205 | mime army wine | 1 |
| #396 | motivational poster | 11 |
| #9 | passed-out psychedelic bear | 1 |
| #96 | rainbow crossbow | 1 |
| #72 | repeating crossbow | 1 |
| #182 | rockin' wagon with a fly in it | 1 |
| #39 | savory crossbow | 1 |
| #460 | star crossbow | 1 |
| #67 | starchy crossbow | 1 |
| #41 | styrofoam crossbow | 1 |
| #257 | sucker hakama | 1 |
| #219 | sucker kabuto | 1 |
| #278 | sucker tachi | 1 |
| 🥇 | time sleigh | 1 |
| #225 | very overdue library book | 1 |