| #370 | Breathetastic™ Premium Canned Air | 10 |
| #67 | Cloaca grenade | 216 |
| #130 | Cloaca-Cola | 352 |
| #126 | Cloaca-Cola c-rations | 28 |
| #48 | Cloaca-Cola fatigues | 62 |
| #50 | Cloaca-Cola helmet | 62 |
| #73 | Cloaca-Cola knapsack | 52 |
| #48 | Cloaca-Cola shield | 56 |
| #354 | Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife | 2 |
| #30 | Doc's Miracle Cure | 51 |
| #43 | Ent cider | 486 |
| #64 | Mob Penguin cellular phone | 365 |
| #318 | Retenez L'Herbe Paté | 6 |
| #61 | Time Juice | 8 |
| #200 | Unionize The Elves sign | 1 |
| #544 | Valentine | 46 |
| #183 | Venus flytrap | 1 |
| #139 | Yeti Protest Sign | 1 |
| #409 | anniversary balloon | 2 |
| #105 | asparagus knife | 95 |
| #769 | aspirin | 1 |
| #260 | baconstone | 29 |
| #2644 | badass belt | 18 |
| #1062 | bell-shaped Crimbo cookie | 1 |
| #59 | black snowcone | 49 |
| #393 | blood flower | 20 |
| #28 | bottle of single-barrel whiskey | 25 |
| #276 | bow | 2 |
| #3536 | box of sunshine | 19 |
| #184 | broken cellular phone | 28 |
| #1431 | candy cane | 22 |
| #1037 | canteen of wine | 15 |
| #320 | chunk of depleted Grimacite | 35 |
| #13 | disturbing fanfic | 59,694 |
| #889 | doll house | 4 |
| #1829 | easter egg balloon | 12 |
| #205 | empty Cloaca-Cola bottle | 71 |
| #633 | fancy chocolate | 5 |
| #1271 | fruitcake | 12 |
| #661 | fuzzy dice | 8 |
| #91 | googly eye | 130 |
| #675 | gray bow tie | 9 |
| #1714 | grue egg | 14 |
| #338 | hamethyst | 24 |
| #40 | iron pasta spoon | 246 |
| #2061 | kite | 1 |
| #74 | kneecapping stick | 231 |
| #1435 | loaded serum blowgun | 2 |
| #120 | lovecat tail | 7 |
| #34 | mafia aria | 648 |
| #520 | marionette | 3 |
| #689 | mugcake | 1 |
| #1386 | pasta spoon | 2 |
| #760 | patent leather shoes | 7 |
| #165 | penguin skin | 1,014 |
| #479 | penguin thesaurus | 15 |
| #682 | personalized birthday cake | 2 |
| #275 | petrified time | 2 |
| #448 | porquoise | 17 |
| #811 | potted cactus | 1 |
| #866 | rag doll | 2 |
| #10 | rose-colored glasses | 1 |
| #32 | scroll of pasta summoning | 487 |
| #422 | severed rocking horse head | 1 |
| #910 | sock monkey | 2 |
| #81 | stone turtle | 1 |
| #2480 | stuffed doppelshifter | 2 |
| #776 | stuffed zmobie | 1 |
| #47 | stuffing | 147 |
| 🥇 | styrofoam peanuts | 1 |
| #53 | support cummerbund | 168 |
| #1584 | teddy bear | 2 |
| #92 | teddy bear sewing kit | 5 |
| #3079 | tiny plastic Crimbo elf | 2 |
| #2896 | tiny plastic Crimbo reindeer | 2 |
| #2898 | tiny plastic Crimbo wreath | 1 |
| #1282 | tiny plastic Uncle Crimbo | 3 |
| #4037 | tiny plastic sweet nutcracker | 1 |
| #477 | tortoise's blessing | 3 |
| #702 | toy soldier | 2 |
| #891 | toy train | 2 |
| #238 | tree-shaped Crimbo cookie | 4 |
| #38 | wooden stakes | 103 |
| #231 | wreath-shaped Crimbo cookie | 4 |
| #166 | yeti fur | 1,723 |
| #1034 | yo-yo | 18 |
| #31 | zombie pineal gland | 82 |