| #55 | Agitated Turkey | 1 |
| #24 | Ass-Stompers of Violence | 1 |
| #46 | BRICKO elephant | 1 |
| #54 | Bastille Battalion cheese wheel | 1 |
| #43 | Bastille Battalion control rig crate | 1 |
| #39 | Bastille Battalion control rig loaner voucher | 2 |
| #33 | Bastille Battalion tattoo kit | 1 |
| #223 | Benetton's Medley of Diversity | 1 |
| #561 | Biddy Cracker's Old-Fashioned Cookbook | 2 |
| #46 | Black Angus blackburger | 1 |
| #472 | Blood Light | 4 |
| #35 | Boxing Day care package | 1 |
| #759 | Breathetastic™ Premium Canned Air | 5 |
| #1117 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) | 1 |
| #1013 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) | 1 |
| #1054 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) | 1 |
| #1020 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) | 1 |
| #1009 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) | 1 |
| #194 | Cheer-Up soda | 1 |
| #146 | Chorale of Companionship | 1 |
| #77 | Clan VIP Lounge invitation | 1 |
| #1479 | Crimbo Candy Cookbook | 1 |
| #531 | Crimbo salad | 1 |
| #272 | Crimbo ukulele | 1 |
| #176 | Crimbojito | 1 |
| 🥈 | Crimbot ROM: Rapid Prototyping (dirty) | 1 |
| #25 | Dreadsylvanian skeleton key | 1 |
| #492 | El Vibrato power sphere | 1 |
| #239 | Eldritch snap | 1 |
| #211 | Elron's Explosive Etude | 1 |
| #88 | Gin Mint | 1 |
| #389 | Hodgman's blanket | 3 |
| #27 | Hodgman's journal #3: Pumping Tin | 3 |
| #166 | Hodgman's journal #4: View From The Big Top | 1 |
| #80 | Ice Island Long Tea | 1 |
| #628 | Knob Goblin lunchbox | 1 |
| #343 | Knob pasty | 1 |
| #17 | LOV Emotionizer | 17 |
| #19 | LOV Enamorang | 38 |
| #52 | LOV Extraterrestrial Chocolate | 1 |
| #1061 | Let Me Be! | 1 |
| #560 | Maxing, Relaxing | 2 |
| #347 | Miniborg Destroy-O-Bot | 1 |
| #172 | Mr. Accessory | 1 |
| #92 | Mr. Accessory Jr. | 1 |
| #34 | Neverending Party guest pass | 2 |
| #21 | Neverending Party invitation envelope | 2 |
| #15 | No Hats as Art | 1 |
| #366 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter I | 1 |
| #385 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter II | 1 |
| #377 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter III | 1 |
| #324 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter IV | 1 |
| #312 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter V | 1 |
| #316 | Notes from the Elfpocalypse, Chapter VI | 1 |
| #5 | PB&J with the crusts cut off | 11,626 |
| #84 | Paint A Vulgar Pitcher | 1 |
| #886 | Penultimate Fantasy chest | 1 |
| 🥇 | Pocket Meteor Guide (well-thumbed) | 1 |
| #230 | Poison Oak trading card | 1 |
| #16 | Pop Art: a Guide | 1 |
| #108 | Sacramento wine | 1 |
| #1049 | Schrödinger's thermos | 1 |
| #659 | Sensual Massage for Creeps | 2 |
| #492 | Skully's hot chocolate | 1 |
| #946 | Summer Nights | 1 |
| #99 | Tequiz Navidad | 1 |
| #28 | The Fun-Guy Cold Weather Bartender's Guide | 2 |
| #16 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 1 | 7 |
| #18 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 2 | 6 |
| #15 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 3 | 8 |
| #19 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 4 | 8 |
| #20 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 5 | 6 |
| #15 | The Journal of Mime Science Vol. 6 | 9 |
| #98 | The Thorax's Codex of Tormenting Plants | 1 |
| #77 | This Charming Flan | 1 |
| #285 | Thwaitgold Goliath beetle statuette | 13 |
| #117 | Thwaitgold masked hunter statuette | 5 |
| #312 | Travels with Jerry | 4 |
| #328 | Ultrasoldier Serum | 1 |
| #58 | Uncle Buck | 1 |
| #55 | VYKEA instructions | 1 |
| #10 | bad vibroknife | 2 |
| #336 | bag of W&Ws | 1 |
| #246 | ball-in-a-cup | 1 |
| #54 | black brandy | 1 |
| #45 | blood-drive sticker | 3 |
| #88 | blue mana | 1 |
| #253 | blue plastic baby | 1 |
| #112 | borrowed time | 4 |
| #65 | bottle of Greedy Dog | 1 |
| #335 | bottle of Ooze-O | 1 |
| #31 | bottle of anís | 1 |
| #409 | bottle of fire | 1 |
| #1066 | bottle of single-barrel whiskey | 1 |
| #61 | bowl of maggots | 1 |
| #54 | boxing-glove-in-a-box | 1 |
| #748 | briefcase | 1 |
| #82 | browser cookie | 1 |
| #159 | bucket of wine | 1 |
| #71 | can of Drooling Monk | 1 |
| #70 | can of Impetuous Scofflaw | 1 |
| #265 | chakra sludge | 1 |
| #129 | chakra-mental wine | 1 |
| #122 | chaos popcorn | 1 |
| #128 | cheer extractor | 1 |
| #184 | cheer-o-gram | 1 |
| #109 | cheerful Crimbo sweater | 1 |
| #87 | cheerful antler hat | 1 |
| #86 | cheerful pajama pants | 1 |
| #246 | chocolate disco ball | 1 |
| #198 | cold hi mein | 2 |
| #1818 | corpse on the beach | 1 |
| #35 | counterfeit city | 1 |
| #109 | dead lights pie | 1 |
| #179 | decanter of fine Scotch | 1 |
| #245 | delicious shimmering moth | 1 |
| #83 | deluxe layer cake | 1 |
| #982 | distilled fortified wine | 1 |
| #41 | do-it-yourself laser eye surgery kit | 1 |
| #1129 | dry noodles | 1 |
| #384 | eldritch effluvium | 1 |
| #15 | eldritch hat | 1 |
| #85 | elemental caipiroska | 1 |
| #82 | emergency margarita | 1 |
| #1182 | encoder ring | 1 |
| #108 | epic wad | 6 |
| #741 | extra-greasy slider | 1 |
| #576 | frozen Mob Penguin | 1 |
| #708 | frozen banquet | 1 |
| #59 | glass of raw eggs | 1 |
| #295 | gnocchetti di Nietzsche | 1 |
| #79 | golden tattoo gun | 1 |
| #34 | government | 8 |
| #60 | grandfather watch | 1 |
| #243 | green drunki-bear | 1 |
| #73 | hacked gibson | 1 |
| #112 | hambrosier | 1 |
| #53 | hardboiled egg | 1 |
| #29 | haunted Hell ramen | 1 |
| #47 | hot Dreadsylvanian cocoa | 1 |
| #267 | hot hi mein | 1 |
| #50 | ice rice | 1 |
| #60 | iced plum wine | 1 |
| #693 | jar of fermented pickle juice | 1 |
| #76 | jumping horseradish | 1 |
| #66 | karma shawarma | 2 |
| #39 | latte lovers club card | 1 |
| #629 | magical pony: Spectrum Dash | 1 |
| #195 | magnetic sculpture kit | 1 |
| #70 | meadeorite | 1 |
| #17 | mercenary pistol | 1 |
| #69 | meteoreo | 1 |
| #127 | mime army camouflage kit | 1 |
| #71 | mime army challenge coin | 1 |
| #19 | mime army infiltration glove | 1 |
| #22 | mime army insignia (cryonics) | 1 |
| #25 | mime army insignia (espionage) | 1 |
| #24 | mime army insignia (infantry) | 1 |
| #25 | mime army insignia (intelligence) | 1 |
| #26 | mime army insignia (morale) | 1 |
| #17 | mime army insignia (psychological warfare) | 1 |
| #38 | mime army insignia (pyrotechnics) | 1 |
| #18 | mime army insignia (sanitation) | 1 |
| #227 | mime army rations | 1 |
| #151 | mime army superserum | 1 |
| #142 | mime army wine | 2 |
| #182 | mime eraser | 1 |
| #72 | mime pocket probe | 1 |
| #579 | mime soul fragment | 1 |
| 🥇 | mime-proof sunglasses | 1 |
| #78 | miming beret | 1 |
| #84 | miming boots | 1 |
| #100 | miming corduroys | 1 |
| #93 | miming gloves | 1 |
| #95 | miming shirt | 1 |
| #468 | mojo filter | 1 |
| #290 | nega-mushroom | 1 |
| #372 | negative lump | 1 |
| #285 | oldcake | 1 |
| #41 | one-day ticket to Conspiracy Island | 1 |
| #77 | one-day ticket to Dinseylandfill | 1 |
| #34 | one-day ticket to Spring Break Beach | 1 |
| #48 | one-day ticket to That 70s Volcano | 1 |
| #42 | one-day ticket to The Glaciest | 1 |
| #191 | ornate ancient cursed chest | 1 |
| #238 | pearlescent oyster egg | 1 |
| #86 | peppermint patty | 1 |
| #196 | peppermint sprout | 1 |
| #87 | perfect cosmopolitan | 1 |
| #87 | perfect dark and stormy | 1 |
| #99 | perfect ice cube | 1 |
| #85 | perfect mimosa | 1 |
| #76 | perfect negroni | 1 |
| #83 | perfect old-fashioned | 1 |
| #81 | perfect paloma | 1 |
| #390 | pie man was not meant to eat | 1 |
| #32 | plate of World's Blackest-Eyed Peas | 1 |
| #111 | pocket wish | 1 |
| #42 | potion of spiritual gunkifying | 1 |
| #58 | power pill | 1 |
| #48 | pressurized potion of pulchritude | 3 |
| #30 | primitive alien booze | 2 |
| #15 | primitive alien medicine | 1 |
| #25 | primitive alien salad | 1 |
| #440 | prismatic wad | 1 |
| #115 | pristine walrus tusk | 1 |
| #267 | pumpkin beer | 1 |
| #774 | quantum taco | 2 |
| #224 | red drunki-bear | 1 |
| #30 | rotten tomato | 10 |
| #261 | runny fermented egg | 1 |
| #1295 | scroll of drastic healing | 1 |
| #64 | skeleton quiche | 1 |
| #232 | sleazy hi mein | 1 |
| #42 | slime-covered club | 1 |
| #23 | slime-covered compass | 1 |
| #79 | snow crab | 1 |
| #106 | spandex anniversary shorts | 1 |
| #1391 | spectral pickle | 1 |
| #146 | spice melange | 1 |
| #249 | spooky hi mein | 1 |
| #1799 | stainless steel scarf | 1 |
| #252 | stainless steel shillelagh | 13 |
| #2143 | stainless steel skullcap | 1 |
| #2249 | stainless steel slacks | 1 |
| #1326 | stainless steel solitaire | 2 |
| #1712 | stainless steel suspenders | 1 |
| #217 | stale Cheer-E-Os | 1 |
| #216 | stale cheer wine | 1 |
| #231 | stinky hi mein | 1 |
| #13 | sweet tooth | 2 |
| #48 | tempura cucumber | 1 |
| #450 | thermos full of Knob coffee | 1 |
| #582 | tin cup of mulligan stew | 1 |
| #65 | tiny plastic The Silent Nightmare | 1 |
| #3920 | tiny plastic fruit golem | 1 |
| #71 | tiny plastic mime executive | 1 |
| #71 | tiny plastic mime functionary | 1 |
| #72 | tiny plastic mime scientist | 1 |
| #74 | tiny plastic mime soldier | 1 |
| #1119 | tiny plastic spiderbugbear | 1 |
| #1383 | toy train | 1 |
| #38 | training scroll: Snokebomb | 1 |
| #58 | violent pastilles | 1 |
| #600 | voodoo snuff | 1 |
| #27 | voter registration form | 1 |
| #118 | warbear gyro | 2 |
| #135 | warehouse key | 6 |
| #1456 | x-ray specs | 1 |
| #229 | yellow drunki-bear | 1 |