| #271 | "DRINK ME" potion | 75 |
| #1116 | 1-ball | 2 |
| #1425 | 2-ball | 1 |
| #1077 | 3-ball | 2 |
| #1472 | 4-ball | 1 |
| #1433 | 5-ball | 1 |
| #1423 | 6-ball | 1 |
| #1485 | 7-ball | 1 |
| #1638 | 8-ball | 4 |
| #621 | 9-ball | 1 |
| #651 | A Beginner's Guide to Charming Snakes | 1 |
| #224 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 4 | 1 |
| #297 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 5 | 1 |
| #227 | A Crimbo Carol, Ch. 6 | 1 |
| #719 | A. W. O. L. commendation | 4 |
| 🥇 | Angry Farmer candy | 170,758 |
| #881 | Biddy Cracker's Old-Fashioned Cookbook | 1 |
| #1013 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) | 1 |
| #1054 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) | 1 |
| #1020 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 4) | 1 |
| #1009 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) | 1 |
| #529 | CRIMBCO lanyard | 1 |
| #516 | CRIMBCO wine | 15 |
| #2939 | Crimbuck | 4 |
| #1782 | El Sombrero De Lopez | 1 |
| #1169 | FDKOL commendation | 1 |
| #30 | FDKOL fire hose | 1 |
| #542 | Loudmouth Larry Lamprey | 41 |
| #849 | Maxing, Relaxing | 1 |
| #167 | NPZR chemistry set | 34 |
| #1489 | Pan-Dimensional Gargle Blaster | 3 |
| #180 | Schrödinger's thermos | 133 |
| #493 | Sensual Massage for Creeps | 3 |
| #946 | Summer Nights | 1 |
| #938 | Tales from the Fireside | 1 |
| #418 | Travels with Jerry | 3 |
| #699 | Uncle Romulus | 1 |
| #33 | Valentine | 2,034 |
| #611 | Zim Merman's guitar | 1 |
| #1138 | adorable seal larva | 2 |
| #1455 | anniversary gift box | 3 |
| #121 | antique 8-Bit Power magazine | 12 |
| #150 | around the world | 20 |
| #192 | baggie of powdered sugar | 146 |
| #72 | bark beret | 1 |
| #902 | baseball | 1 |
| #640 | black-and-blue light | 23 |
| #620 | blue plasma ball | 27 |
| #213 | bone aperitif | 2 |
| #124 | bone meal | 4 |
| #23 | bottle of Blank-Out | 638 |
| #2993 | bottle of goofballs | 5 |
| #700 | box of sunshine | 437 |
| #1626 | buckyball | 1 |
| #352 | burst hellseal brain | 13 |
| #151 | casino pass | 25 |
| #39 | charged magnet | 2 |
| #3271 | club necklace | 1 |
| 🥉 | control crystal | 1 |
| #418 | cursed cannonball | 1 |
| #1358 | defective skull | 2 |
| #385 | deluxe fax machine | 1 |
| #1149 | designer handbag | 1 |
| #1843 | disco ball | 1 |
| #6 | dishrag | 832 |
| #5140 | easter egg balloon | 1 |
| #86 | empty agua de vida bottle | 1,862 |
| #903 | encoder ring | 6 |
| #1812 | fake fake vomit | 2 |
| #1543 | fake hand | 3 |
| #97 | festive sausage | 26 |
| #677 | figurine of a charred seal | 3 |
| #776 | figurine of a cold seal | 3 |
| #340 | figurine of a sleek seal | 6 |
| #639 | figurine of a stinking seal | 1 |
| #39 | fire axe | 1 |
| #81 | fireman's helmet | 1 |
| #638 | flavored foot massage oil | 16 |
| #709 | foam dart | 6 |
| #20 | foot-long hot daub | 1 |
| #48 | foreign box | 4 |
| #3214 | fuzzy dice | 2 |
| #88 | hellseal claw | 365 |
| #72 | hellseal whisker | 351 |
| #18 | hot daub bun | 1 |
| #33 | incense bath ball | 25 |
| #36 | inflatable duck | 123 |
| #1718 | joybuzzer | 2 |
| #10 | ketchup hound | 3,609 |
| #100 | lucky ball-and-chain | 1 |
| #2852 | obsidian dagger | 2 |
| #96 | pack of pogs | 192 |
| #72 | paperclip | 744 |
| #666 | personal massager | 3 |
| #1701 | sandwich of the gods | 2 |
| #311 | shredded hellseal hide | 14 |
| #52 | silent beret | 1 |
| #1680 | solid gold bowling ball | 5 |
| #2491 | spade necklace | 2 |
| #790 | spectre scepter | 41 |
| #399 | torn hellseal sinew | 9 |
| #387 | vertebra of the Bonerdagon | 25 |
| #142 | volleyball | 1 |
| #144 | wad of cotton | 20 |
| #1937 | whoopie cushion | 1 |
| #1331 | x-ray specs | 2 |
| 🥇 | yield shield | 1 |