| #505 | "DRINK ME" potion | 6 |
| #491 | A. W. O. L. commendation | 10 |
| #785 | ASCII shirt | 1 |
| #237 | BGE 'ferocious fruit' shirt | 4 |
| #363 | BGE pocket calendar | 2 |
| #183 | BGE shotglass | 30 |
| #454 | BGE temporary tattoo | 2 |
| #436 | BGE tiny plastic toy | 3 |
| #563 | Biddy Cracker's Old-Fashioned Cookbook | 2 |
| #255 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 1) | 4 |
| #264 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 2) | 3 |
| #509 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 3) | 2 |
| #102 | CRIMBCO Employee Handbook (chapter 5) | 5 |
| #529 | CRIMBCO lanyard | 1 |
| #185 | CRIMBCO mug | 87 |
| #179 | CRIMBCO wine | 42 |
| #1216 | Crimbo Candy Cookbook | 2 |
| #311 | Dickory Farms Gift Basket | 20 |
| #104 | Game Grid ticket | 115 |
| #98 | Hodgman's varcolac paw | 1 |
| #1134 | Mick's IcyVapoHotness Inhaler | 1 |
| #187 | Oscus's dumpster waders | 1 |
| #194 | Oscus's pelt | 1 |
| #353 | SPF 451 lip balm | 6 |
| #936 | Travels with Jerry | 1 |
| #1250 | Uncle Crimbo's Rations | 1 |
| #29 | Uncle Hobo's fingerless tinsel gloves | 1 |
| #222 | agua de vida | 8 |
| #162 | asshat | 17 |
| #1231 | awful poetry journal | 14 |
| #506 | bath ball gift set | 10 |
| #510 | black eyedrops | 1 |
| #301 | bone aperitif | 1 |
| #486 | bottle of Blank-Out | 15 |
| #565 | bottle of Mystic Shell | 1 |
| #670 | bottle of antifreeze | 1 |
| #680 | bottle of pirate juice | 1 |
| #385 | bottle of rhinoceros hormones | 1 |
| #1890 | can of CRIMBCOLA | 2 |
| #591 | can of spinach | 3 |
| #555 | concentrated garbage juice | 1 |
| #315 | corncob pipe | 4 |
| #200 | cube of billiard chalk | 1 |
| #443 | cup of infinite pencils | 2 |
| #194 | cyclops eyedrops | 2 |
| #384 | deluxe fax machine | 1 |
| #582 | distilled fortified wine | 3 |
| #548 | divine blowout | 1 |
| #561 | divine can of silly string | 1 |
| #572 | divine champagne flute | 1 |
| #446 | divine champagne popper | 1 |
| #478 | divine cracker | 1 |
| #547 | divine noisemaker | 1 |
| #508 | fake blood | 2 |
| #348 | festive sausage | 6 |
| #439 | filth-encrusted futon | 2 |
| #282 | [2426]fire flower | 4 |
| #270 | frayed rope belt | 5 |
| #427 | gift-a-pult | 1 |
| #1159 | green candy heart | 1 |
| #483 | holiday cheese log | 4 |
| #406 | llama lama gong | 1 |
| #824 | meat stack | 6 |
| #49 | mirrored aviator shades | 1 |
| #395 | motivational poster | 11 |
| #163 | paperclip | 292 |
| #512 | portable photocopier | 11 |
| #650 | red-and-green sweater | 1 |
| #172 | rusty piece of rebar | 2 |
| #681 | scented massage oil | 1 |
| #309 | shrinking powder | 1 |
| #390 | slow jam collection | 11 |
| #2247 | stainless steel slacks | 1 |
| #535 | teeny-tiny magic scroll | 1 |
| #384 | tiny plastic Best Game Ever | 1 |
| #445 | tiny plastic CRIMBCO HQ | 1 |
| #403 | tiny plastic Mr. Mination | 1 |
| #427 | tiny plastic fax machine | 1 |
| #427 | tiny plastic hobo elf | 1 |