| Rank | Item | Quantity |
|---|---|---|
| #64 | Crimbo crystal shards | 4 |
| #21 | Mer-kin cancerstick | 12 |
| #4 | adder | 10,443 |
| 🥇 | attorney's badge | 5,161 |
| 🥇 | bone abacus | 2,495 |
| #12 | briefcase | 3,990 |
| 🥉 | headhunter necktie | 2,358 |
| 🥇 | pirate brochure | 1,250 |
| 🥈 | pirate pamphlet | 1,250 |
| 🥈 | pirate tract | 1,250 |
| 🥇 | pygmy briefs | 1,758 |
| 🥈 | short calculator | 456 |
| 🥇 | short writ of habeas corpus | 1,725 |
| 🥈 | slime convention swag bag | 4,923 |
| #6 | world's smallest violin | 1,527 |